# What would your Witness Protection name be? and why? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2013, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863 "2013-01-02T19:24:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2013, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/21 "2013-01-02T23:50:59Z")
Maria somethingorother. When I was little and got in trouble with people who didn’t know me, I always blurted out that my name was Maria. Too much West Side Story at the time, I imagine. ---
**Author:** ![claramorena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/2acd7d/32.png) [@claramorena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/claramorena)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/22 "2013-01-03T00:29:00Z")
Jane Air Dori Fasolla Lenore Poe ---
**Author:** ![Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/23 "2013-01-03T00:57:22Z")
I’d give myself the same name as head honcho of the World’s Largest Platypus Importing Ring. Every time he got the whim to Google me, he’d get tied up in his own vanity and start reading stories about himself until the original goal was forgotten. Or I’d use his Mom’s name. Who would want to shoot their mom? (recent events notwithstanding) ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/24 "2013-01-03T02:47:05Z")
John Elway It’s a chance to turn around my stinkin’ life. ---
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/25 "2013-01-03T08:11:09Z")
Doing some genealogical research I found a remote cousin by the name of Bluebell Memorial Butcher. I wonder what her parents could have been thinking. ---
**Author:** ![H3Knuckles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@H3Knuckles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H3Knuckles)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/26 "2013-01-03T08:26:47Z")
Jacob Eisner. Because Jacob was my grandfather’s name, and I like both nicknames for it. Because Eisner is German for iron worker. or Hans Ingmar Muller. Because then my monogram would be HIM. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/27 "2013-01-03T11:45:31Z")
John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt. 'Nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/28 "2013-01-03T12:15:23Z")
When I’ve needed an alias in the past, I’ve gone with Richard Hurt. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/29 "2013-01-03T13:45:18Z")
Smith P. McJones Because I wouldn’t want to be _completely_ ananymous, but not totally conspicuous. The “P” stands for _Pseudonym_. I’m relying on my pursuers being very stupid. ---
**Author:** ![DrumBum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e79b87/32.png) [@DrumBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrumBum)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/30 "2013-01-03T13:54:38Z")
Cecil Adams 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![TheChileanBlob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thechileanblob/32/435_2.png) [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/31 "2013-01-03T17:05:35Z")
> [@H3Knuckles](#): > > Jacob was my grandfather’s name, and I like both nicknames for it. Jake and…? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/32 "2013-01-03T17:06:13Z")
Jocko? ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/33 "2013-01-03T17:20:07Z")
Ozamataz Buckshank ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/34 "2013-01-03T17:23:13Z")
I’ve said it before, **Mr. Underhill** of course. ---
**Author:** ![MacCat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maccat/32/216_2.png) [@MacCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacCat)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/35 "2013-01-03T17:29:00Z")
> [@TheChileanBlob](#): > > Jake and…? 😕 Jack? ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/36 "2013-01-03T18:09:21Z")
Henry Hill. Just because you’re in Witness Protection doesn’t mean you can’t live a little dangerously. ---
**Author:** ![Space\_Vegetable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Space\_Vegetable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Space_Vegetable)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/37 "2013-01-03T18:30:21Z")
Bud “Hieronymus” Incognito. But my friends will call me Jennifer. That’ll confuse everybody! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/38 "2013-01-03T19:19:06Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt. 'Nuff said. Hey! That’s my name too! ---
**Author:** ![MacCat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maccat/32/216_2.png) [@MacCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacCat)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/39 "2013-01-03T19:36:18Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Hey! That’s my name too! IRL or WPP? ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/40 "2013-01-03T19:41:19Z")
I wouldn’t become involved in any court case that would result in me requiring witness protection. I wouldn’t want my life ruined just to put someone in jail. Plus, I put a lot of thought into my name, I’m not changing it again. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863.md?page=3)