# What would your Witness Protection name be? and why? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2013, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863 "2013-01-02T19:24:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/41 "2013-01-03T19:50:48Z")
Greg Black ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/42 "2013-01-03T20:56:10Z")
First name would have to be Mary or Marie - they tell people that you need to have something that sounds similar to your original name, or commonly used nickname to transition you so you will respond automatically to something other than your original name. [I sat in on a deposition of a lady in the witness protection program once.] I suppose Rue [like Rue McLanahan] or Ruta [like Ruta Lee] could work better as I tend to get called by my nickname more than my original name. And Ruta Lee was fairly active in the late 50s and early 60s as a TV actress so I could be trailer trash of the time and claim my mom liked Ruta Lee [she thought she was so purty…] No real preference for a last name, they could do the flip through a phone book and drop a penpoint method as far as I care. Not too many of my original surname in the country [under 200 and we are all related] but pick something like \ Wilson or Smallwood would work just fine. I could be one of those Wyoming County NY Smallwoods. There are only 15 pages of them:smack: Yay my [del]porn name[/del] Witness Protection Name should be Ruta Smallwood, of Warsaw NY. Since I am stuck in a wheelchair, they could give me SSD seamlessly and fold in medical by moving me from tri-care to something else, though I could really still be on tri-care if I was on SSD from a car accident that killed my navy husband. I would be pretty happy in small town USA somewhere as long as it had a good grocery store, high speed internet and cable TV, and a reasonable small 1 bedroom apartment that takes cats. North Carolina works for me - say in the Ashville or Winston Salem areas. Give me the 11 mph Bounder power chair and plunk me into a small apartment near the Harris Teeter and I would be just fine. Hm, Clemmons NC, with a 2 bedroom at [Madison Hall](http://www.ginkgoapartments.com/apartment/madison-hall-apartment-homes-clemmons-nc-6iq209184615) for +/- 600 a month with a screen porch so I could get a roomie to split the costs with. Set me up with a Section 8 housing, an accessible momvan and I’m golden. ---
**Author:** ![H3Knuckles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@H3Knuckles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H3Knuckles)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/43 "2013-01-03T21:05:25Z")
[QUOTE=H3Knuckles] Jacob was my grandfather’s name, and I like both nicknames for it. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=TheChileanBlob] Jake and…? [/QUOTE] > [@MacCat](#): > > Jack? Yep. Sorry, I thought that was obvious. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/44 "2013-01-03T21:24:53Z")
> [@MacCat](#): > > IRL or WPP? Whenever I go out. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/45 "2013-01-03T21:31:48Z")
John Bigbooté. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/46 "2013-01-03T21:40:49Z")
Cuntfuck McNiggerWop. So nobody could ever page me. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/47 "2013-01-03T21:54:12Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Whenever I go out. Do you always believe what the people shout? ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/48 "2013-01-03T22:24:11Z")
Regis Bucktrout. I used to live near the intersection of Regis St. and Bucktrout St. in a small village and I’ve always liked the combination. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/49 "2013-01-04T03:18:52Z")
Probably Jennifer, as my real name is Jessica, and it would be highly suspicious to run in to a girl my age that’s not named Jessica or Jennifer. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/50 "2013-01-04T04:39:21Z")
> [@zipperjj](#): > > probably jennifer, as my real name is jessica, and it would be highly suspicious to run in to a girl my age that’s not named jessica or jennifer. 31 - 37? ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/51 "2013-01-04T05:31:33Z")
> [@](#): > > jenny … > [@](#): > > 31 - 37? 867-5309? :•} ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/52 "2013-01-04T05:52:01Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > 31 - 37? Yep, 34 in April. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/53 "2013-01-04T06:14:37Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Yep, 34 in April. Nice. Called it based on a relative and some girls at work I know. Happy early birthday. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/54 "2013-01-04T09:06:18Z")
> [@jharvey963](#): > > What name would you choose, and why? > > And, for extra credit, describe how a determined Purloined Platypus Procurer might guess some rejected names based on knowing something about you. > > J. [Faith Lehane.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faith_%28Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer%29) (Buffy Anne Summers was too obvious) ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863/55 "2013-01-04T22:48:12Z")
Remington Underwood, retired typewriter mechanic! How may I be of service? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-would-your-witness-protection-name-be-and-why/645863.md?page=2)