# What your name really means... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 26, 2000, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812 "2000-08-26T07:40:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Louie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@Louie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Louie)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/1 "2000-08-26T07:40:46Z")
I got this in my inbox today, thought I’d share it with all of you: don’t take offense to this . it’s just for fun: What Guys Names Mean Aarons - are ugly but have the best yumuka’s Adams - are cute, funny and need a bath Adrians - are usually short and very horny, they watch cartoons Alans - are shy but sensitive, get screwed over by women Alexs - are cute and short but very open to corruption Andys - are nice and sweet, work in the mail room Andrews - two faced and conceited, become directors, CEO’s Antonios - have great bodies and beautiful skin, and chicken brains Anthonys - are great guys and kind to all girls, smell of weed Arnolds - are losers Arthurs - hung like a slave and celibate Bens - are funny and can be real difficult to beat at games Bernards - light fires and pinch girls bottoms Bobs - are quiet and unpopular, they eat with their hands Brads - think everyone likes them… but they don’t Brandons - are good looking but use girls Brendans - are quiet and sweet, get beaten up all the time Bretts - world wide sluts and really insensitive, women love them Brians - are mean and only think of themselves, no he’s not Messiah-he’s just a naughty boy. Bryans - are sexy, but stupid - can’t spell Bronsens - are annoying and never grow up - have a stupid name Bruces - stink bad and think everybody else names is also Bruce Bryces - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you’ll kill them within a week Calebs - immature in a naive way, drive a Gemini Camerons - think they’re funny…they’re not, fall asleep during sex Carsons - are fun to be around and are really sensitive Chads - are cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies no real person has that name Chris’s - have great bodies and have lots of different friends, but are full of themselves Christians - are very sexy and seductive (think ‘legends of the fall’) Clarks - are hilarious and always in trouble, problem with ‘jailbait’ Claytons - are very sweet and adore girls, but are very superficial Coles - nice, funny, and are fun to be around Cons - lie to women and blow up public buildings Corys - are funny but ugly, end up running fashion magazines Craigs - try to fit in - they never do Cyrils - are, well, Cyrils Dans - are quiet but funny, but become easily addicted to narcotics Danes - are weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid Daniels - extremely funny and will to anything for a shag, will tell you about it if you shout. Dannys - are loud and funny and crash their cars Davids - hotties and work out a lot, love girls named Florence Daves - extremely sexy,always funny,intelligent, good in bed,stylish, trendsetter - ie wankers Deans - are full of themselves and think with their dicks Dennis’s - are either very nice to girls or a faggot Dereks - have great mummies, and blow-up doll collections Dominics - are hilarious and will do anything to please Dons - dickheads Dougs - have greasy faces, drinking problems and warts Drews - are bad arse losers who never shut-up Dylans - are horny bastards, who can’t sing Dwaynes - cool guys to be around if you can handle their name. Eddies - want too many chicks they’ll never get cuz they’re arseholes Erics - shy Eriks - are funny and treat girls how they want to be treated Evans - are a little slow but sweet, sexy, and model mental patients Franks - are “different” - missing DNA - favour girls named Lucy Garths - are sweet but dress too good to be straight Garys - are drug addicts but are willing to share Geoffs - prefer golf to sex and war to peace Georges - are barmen who drink more than they serve Glenns - are the sweetest guys to start with then turn into dickheads Grahams - are damn sexy but very hard to understand Grants - are annoying shits Gregs - are really sweet and feel sorry for themselves Haydns - are try hards Howards - like small breasted women and pornography (doesn’t everybody?) Ians - really popular but think all the girls want them Jakes - are shy and sweet but sluts when drunk Jasons - HORNY!! but so sweet and you can talk to them about anything Jays - are very sweet when you get to know them well Jeffs - are really ugly Jeromes - are gay, but very unhappy Jeremys - are loud and think they’re all that they say they are Jermaines - are ugly and make girls puke Jesses - are unpopular and need to move on James - are sweet kind and always laughing Jacks - stupid but hot Jimmys - are sweet but users, have fantasies of Love & Affection (any Redd Kross fans out there?). Joes - have no friends or lives - tend to kill small animals Johns - are built like bears, sexy but tend to lose their head Jonothans - think they’re good - they’re shit Jordans - Are Sexy but weird in bed Joses - are hot boys with a love of hermaphrodites Joshs - attractive, like sports, travelling, meeting people and having fun Juniors - are hotties and are totally good at football Justin - aggravating but lovable, insecure but successful Kains - are the sexiest guys alive but very stuck up Kevins - can never get a girlfriend Keiths - are good people to talk to when you have a problem - theirs are worse. Kellens - are very, very … anything you want them to be Kims - are very understanding and caring, feel lost in Korea Kurts - can kick anyones arse Kys - see Kains Kyles - are hornballs, who eat too many cornchips Larrys - cute but are wannabe players with big arsees Laureys - are short and funny looking Leighs - are girls dressed up as boys Liams - are loud mouthed arseholes, normally found in rock bands and pubs Lorenzos - are fine and dress in stolen gold Louies - are unconventional, wise and annoying _Is that good or bad?_ Lukarse - are fat losers that date other men Lukes - seem to be sweet - Luke Solomons exactly!!! Malcoms - are tallmen who tend to lose their trousers Marks - wished girls liked them for who they are, not their great looks Matts - the perfect guy sweet and goodlooking, full of it Mikes - are very good looking but they’ll do anything for a girl which is totally sweet Mitchells - are the ugliest dogs and they don’t get any Nathans - are stupid as hell, and tend to make other feel like they’re there. Nicks - HORNY!! but really nice - can’t get passed the missionary position though Neils - Sweet and will do anything in this world for you, like to eat lentils Olivers - very proper and rich - most likely to lead an army Oscars - losers, a good name for a dog Owens - cute guys that are immature, and sing Welsh songs Pats - drunks, drunks, drunks Pauls - cool, calm and handsome Peters- are cuties but very shy, make women feel like virgins Phillips - are stupid idiots who wish they were cool - Reagens - are …strange Rhys’s - had their minds stolen by aliens a long, long time ago Rickys - are ugly shitheads that everybody hates Richards - are lions in bears clothing and have more wet dreams that anybody. Robs - tall and ugly…everybody hates them Rodneys - as wide as they are tall, as intelligent as they are unique Rons - dress like AFL Footballers and like to prance Ross’s - total losers and computer geniuses Russels - like to play in the leaves Ryans - short but sexy bodies and even sexier minds Sams - are wannabe sex machines Scotts - have serious disabilities Seans - have small testicles and no friends Seths - are so sweet to other people but traitors Simons - are quiet but very simple Shanes - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he’s a virgin Shannons - are the most determined and persevering sweeties in the world Steves - are popular and funny when looked at side on Stuarts - are droll guys with great arses and suicidal tendencies Tims - are hot and horny, well worth a shag Tobys - are bastards Toms - are cool but can be arrogant Tonys - are hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around Travis’s - are fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found Trevors - are sweet and funny but at sometimes untrustworthy Troys - are cute and popular Taylors - are gay Warrens - are cool, homosexual guys Wesleys - are great guys and easy to tolerate Wills - wish they were popular Zachs - sweet and polite and adorable What Girls Names Mean Allison- popular girl’s name. usually stuck-up Amanda- pretty, but sometimes slutty Ashley- a nice-girl’s name Annie- innocent but not gorgeous Andrea- short girl’s name Beth- usually bratty Barbie- stuck-up and full of herself with fake boobs Brenda- usually pretty, but quiet Brandy- outgoing and stylish Betty- shy and chubby Caitlin- sometimes shy with a good personality Candy- slutty Catherine- pretty, caring, and sweet Cindy- cute but bratty Debbie- cute and nice Danielle- stuck-up, but can be nice Desiree- outgoing and tall Emily- little and a sweet girl Elizabeth- a nice girl but a little strange Fran- old woman’s name Francis- usually a drag queen Georgia- sexy and smart Hannah- plain, but a cutie-pie Jessica- very pretty, funny, and intelligent Jennifer- funny with a good personality Jane- shy but has a good sense of humor Janet- cute and intelligent Jillian (Gillian)- very pretty and outgoing Jocelyn- slutty Jenna- smart and shy Kelly- little and cute with a lot of friends Kristie- tall and athletic Katie- adorable Kari- short and sometimes bitchy Lily- small, shy, and smart Lauren- a bit strange, but a good personality Laura- smart, popular, and pretty Lacey- slutty Lindsay- cute Layla- tall and smart. likely to be successful Martha- old woman’s name Maggie- little and sweet Margaret- tall and shy Michelle- bratty but cute Marie- romantic and sweet Mary- sometimes a bitch, but nice Nicole- bitchy Nancy- mysterious and shy Nina- outgoing and friendly Patricia- nice and funny Renee- short and cute with a great personality Rita- tall and sexy Robin- very sweet and shy Rachel- athletic and pretty Susan- pretty and smart Samantha- stuck-up Sarah- very nice and smart Sally- little and cute Tabitha- mysterious but a good personality Tammy- nice with a lot of friends Tasha- slutty Victoria- very sweet but can be stuck-up Vicki- sweet, but can be two-faced Wendy- sweet and fun ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/2 "2000-08-26T07:52:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Louie \* > **Robs - tall and ugly…everybody hates them** ☹ If you prick us, do we not bleed? ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/3 "2000-08-26T08:02:22Z")
As usual, Rhonda didn’t make the list… However, I know what people apparently think about us…Every Rhonda I’ve seen on TV, movies, or read about as a character in a story has been either a slut, or incredibly stupid. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/4 "2000-08-26T08:15:47Z")
**TroubleAgain** said: > [@](#): > > As usual, Rhonda didn’t make the list… But you did have the classic Beach Boys’ song \*Help Me, Rhonda,\*which is better than nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Bluemonchichi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@Bluemonchichi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluemonchichi)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/5 "2000-08-26T08:30:33Z")
\*Jennifer- funny with a good personality \* Okay, I think I can live with that. 😃 ~Jenn ---
**Author:** ![Anniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/cc9497/32.png) [@Anniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anniz)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/6 "2000-08-26T08:50:00Z")
Annie, was the closest to my name - innocent but not gorgeous.☹ ---
**Author:** ![De\_John](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e56c9b/32.png) [@De\_John](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_John)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/7 "2000-08-26T08:50:29Z")
"Johns - are built like bears, sexy but tend to lose their head " Try “ordinary as storebrand cornflakes”, because their parents had no imagination. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/8 "2000-08-26T09:19:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Louie \* > \*\*Dans - are quiet > \*\* No chance in hell \*\* > [@](#): > > but funny, > \*\* I’ll let you guys decide. Yep, strike two. \*\* > [@](#): > > but become easily addicted to narcotics > \*\* No comment. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/9 "2000-08-26T09:22:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TroubleAgain \* > **As usual, Rhonda didn’t make the list…** Yeah, like “Bear” ever makes it on any list. I could find several with Rhonda before I find one with Bear. Oh well… stupid list… :sniff: :sniff: ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/10 "2000-08-26T10:03:24Z")
Rob! I luvs ya! 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Louie \* \*\* > Ians - really popular but think all the girls want them \*\* In my case, it’s true! 😃 Surprise, surprise, my name is nowhere to be found. ☹ Instant death to anyone who mentions a certain Rick Moranis movie. ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/11 "2000-08-26T10:13:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > **Rob! I luvs ya! 😃** Nice to know that not everyone hates me. > [@](#): > > \*\* > Instant death to anyone who mentions a certain Rick Moranis movie. \*\* 😕 **Honey, I Shrunk The Kids**? ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/12 "2000-08-26T10:29:14Z")
I can’t believe I’m helping you guess. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by silent\_rob \* > \*\*😕 > > **Honey, I Shrunk The Kids**? \*\* Think musical. ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/13 "2000-08-26T10:32:23Z")
Yeah, but really, how much of a musical was **Strange Brew**. _Rob just realized what movie it really was but doesn’t want **Instant Death** , though fresh brewed death might be okay._ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/14 "2000-08-26T10:33:55Z")
\*Laura- smart, popular, and pretty \* Acceptable…though I would have added “a bit geeky” in there, since most of the Lauras I know have a slight geek tendency. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/15 "2000-08-26T10:37:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by silent\_rob \* > \*\*_Rob just realized what movie it really was but doesn’t want **Instant Death** , though fresh brewed death might be okay._ > \*\* _slap slap_ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/16 "2000-08-26T10:42:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > \*\*_slap slap_ > 🙂 \*\* Owww! Ow, stop hitting me. Hey, do you want me to say it? Ow, uncle, UNCLE!!! _silent\_rob kicks the dirt, and slowly walks away_ I wasn’t going to say it anyway. Didn’t have to get all mean and nasty. ☹ _quietly singing_:Feed me (git it) _silent\_rob flees for his life_ ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/17 "2000-08-26T10:53:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by silent\_rob \* > \*\*_silent\_rob flees for his life_ \*\* I was slapping Rick Moranis. What, you thought I was slapping _you?_ Of course I wouldn’t! 😃 Fortunately, **Seymour** isn’t on the list either. ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/18 "2000-08-26T10:56:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by silent\_rob \* > > \*\*_silent\_rob flees for his life_ \*\* > > I was slapping Rick Moranis. What, you thought I was slapping _you?_ Of course I wouldn’t! 😃 > > Fortunately, **Seymour** isn’t on the list either. \*\* That’s good. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/19 "2000-08-26T11:47:24Z")
> [@](#): > > Scotts - have serious disabilities Fuck you! Fuck you all!!! ::Goes to armory to check out M-16:: ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812/20 "2000-08-26T12:03:44Z")
I find no fault with this, it seems to be 100% accurate, and without flaw. I’m sorry, but you just have to realise that this is _The Straight Dope,_ and nothing inaccurate can ever be posted here. It comes with Cecil’s ringing endorsement by proxy. > [@](#): > > Pauls - cool, calm and handsome [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-your-name-really-means/30812.md?page=2)