# What's a "Cuddle Party" and non-sexual "cuddling" all about? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 10, 2005, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557 "2005-10-10T14:05:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lorinada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5e925/32.png) [@lorinada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorinada)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/21 "2005-10-10T22:59:42Z")
> [@Sam Stone](#): > > But I’ll bet that’s not even it. If I’m any proof, then, no. Because I did grow up in a family that was never physically (or verbally, for that matter) affectionate, yet I love to cuddle - I am pretty much the opposite of my undemonstrative family. But, to me, cuddling is reserved for those I am quite intimate with, like I pointed out in my previous post. To cuddle with anyone else would be way beyond the lines of appropriateness, IMHO. I realize everyone’s line falls in a different place, but this still sounds either incredibly icky or incredibly immature to me. I can’t imagine what anyone could gain from something like this. I don’t know when it got fashionable to treat strangers and acquaintances intimately (I have left so many churches becuase of that forced-intimacy "pass the peace of Christ crap where total strangers clamp a big bear hug onto you for no reason other than that they were told to) but I don’t think it’s a sign of a healthy or enlightened society. In fact, I think this idea of forced imtimacy and blurred boundaries does no service to society as a whole. And, by the way, get off my yard! ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/22 "2005-10-10T23:15:24Z")
I am a certified (certifiable?) liberal, and I had an extremely wild youth that I don’t necessarily regret. I also have two adolescent daughters whom I fully expect will one day (not today, Lord, nor tomorrow, please) engage in sexual activity. I think it’s completely natural and healthy for older teens to have sex in the context of an appropriate, non-manipulative relationship. And my daughters, while they are still of an age to be under my parental supervision, would be allowed to attend a “cuddle party” over my dead body. Just cuddling? Sure. You tell that to the teenage boy with the raging hormones who just got an armful of soft, pliable teenage girl. Or to the girl, for that matter. Teenagers, perhaps especially sexually inexperienced ones, who find themselves in a situation like that are very likely to end up with some very strong urges that they might not have the maturity to overcome. We put the kibosh on coed sleepovers when each daughter went into middle school for just this reason. It’s usually far kinder for parents to supply some boundaries than to let their children try to cope with the confusion and temptations of vaguely tittillating situations like these. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/23 "2005-10-11T00:21:35Z")
> [@lorinada](#): > > If I’m any proof, then, no. Because I did grow up in a family that was never physically (or verbally, for that matter) affectionate, yet I love to cuddle - That’s actually what I meant - that people who grew up in cold families might have an unexpressed need for touching and cuddling, whereas those who got plenty of hugs growing up wouldn’t. You’d be a data point in favor of that theory. But as I said, I doubt that’s it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![alterego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6bbea6/32.png) [@alterego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alterego)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/24 "2005-10-11T00:31:22Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Wouldn’t that make them salivate? just in case nobody else got that, LOL =) ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/25 "2005-10-11T00:45:27Z")
> [@Sam Stone](#): > > That’s actually what I meant - that people who grew up in cold families might have an unexpressed need for touching and cuddling, whereas those who got plenty of hugs growing up wouldn’t. You’d be a data point in favor of that theory. I think **lorinada** ’s point was that s/he **wouldn’t** , because s/he does **not** “seek out [cuddling] from relative strangers or casual acquaintances”, as you theorized. Rather, **lorinada** reserves cuddling “for those s/he is quite intimate with”. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/26 "2005-10-11T00:55:57Z")
> [@Sam Stone](#): > > My bafflement comes strictly from once having been a teenage male, and simply not ‘getting’ it. When I was 18, I had absolutely no desire to dress up in pajamas and have cookies and giggle with the girls. So why are you posting to a thread in GQ that asks about the nature and structure of a particular social event that you’ve never encountered and “simply don’t get”? Just to brag about your uncontrollable teenage male hormones and your utter lack of “girly” tendencies? Sorry, that was probably inappropriate. But I really don’t understand why there are so many people popping up in this thread to assert that although they’ve never had any personal experience with such an event, they’re perfectly willing to make unsupported generalizations about it. ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/27 "2005-10-11T00:57:20Z")
MOved to IMHO. I know that there may be factual answers to this, but you’ll get them over at IMHO as well as in GQ. And the opinions and anecdotal evidence you get is better suited to IMHO. **samclem** GQ moderator ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/28 "2005-10-11T00:58:25Z")
Oh, okay. Bye then. ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/29 "2005-10-11T02:04:20Z")
Here’s a recent [article](http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=23159) on cuddle parties from my local alternative paper; it may be of some interest. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/30 "2005-10-11T02:12:53Z")
I used to cuddle with my friends when I was 17 and 18. I had one friend, we never dated or kissed, we were just very close friends, and we’d fall asleep in each other’s arms all the time. Not all teenagers are sex-freaks. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/31 "2005-10-11T02:19:45Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > So why are you posting to a thread in GQ that asks about the nature and structure of a particular social event that you’ve never encountered and “simply don’t get”? Just to brag about your uncontrollable teenage male hormones and your utter lack of “girly” tendencies? > > Sorry, that was probably inappropriate. But I really don’t understand why there are so many people popping up in this thread to assert that although they’ve never had any personal experience with such an event, they’re perfectly willing to make unsupported generalizations about it. Maybe because the OP asked what it’s ‘all about’, and specifically asked whether or not we felt it was a standalone ‘end unto itself’, or just an excuse for something more. I haven’t been to a ‘cuddle party’, but I was a teenage boy, and therefore feel I have some insight into what makes them tick, and why they might or might not be attracted to a ‘cuddle party’. And you’re right. Your comments are inappropriate. As was your attempt to take a totally off-topic shot at ‘uptight conservatives’. ---
**Author:** ![Merkwurdigliebe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/74df32/32.png) [@Merkwurdigliebe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merkwurdigliebe)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/32 "2005-10-11T02:22:56Z")
Okay. I don’t know about you, but if I ever got to cuddle with a girl when I was a teenager like what is being described here, I wouldn’t make it at all. How long could it be before the little guy wakes up? I’d give you about a minute nowadays, and even less back then. Really for me, I think it would be torture. Today, i wouldn’t go to a cuddle party. I like cuddling a lot, but only when I have had or am going to have sex. Otherwise its just strange. Now I think that girl-only groups are probably fine. I’ve seen it happen all the time, and it seems to be pretty non-sexual for girls. I can’t simply imagine the personal restraint inovolved for any poor teenage boy. ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/33 "2005-10-11T02:41:42Z")
> [@](#): > > I seem to remember reading that part of the point of cuddle parties is that so many people are deprived of any physical contact with other human beings beyond bumping into them on the subway or shaking hands. Cuddle parties apparently offer a chance to get something that’s important to some people: physical contact, without having to be emotionally or sexually involved with someone. Holy God, that’s pathetic. I’ve been lonely and deprived of physical contact for years at a time, and never sank that low. Checking into a hotel with a case of tequila and two Dominican whores seems downright healthy by comparison. Or – maybe it’s such a great idea that it just blew my mind! ---
**Author:** ![John\_F](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/43a26b/32.png) [@John\_F](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_F)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/34 "2005-10-11T02:46:58Z")
> [@Baldwin](#): > > Or – maybe it’s such a great idea that it just blew my mind! 😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/35 "2005-10-11T02:51:09Z")
> [@Baldwin](#): > > Holy God, that’s pathetic. I’ve been lonely and deprived of physical contact for years at a time, and never sank that low. Checking into a hotel with a case of tequila and two Dominican whores seems downright healthy by comparison. There are few things healthier than a case of tequila and two Dominican whores, my friend. ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/36 "2005-10-11T02:58:26Z")
I don’t know. I just get this feeling that these parties seem way to deceivingly innocent for some reason. Without proper supervision, it would turn into an orgy. Or maybe that’s my fantasy. Hmm… ---
**Author:** ![R.P.McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@R.P.McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R.P.McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/37 "2005-10-11T03:03:56Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > Sorry, that was probably inappropriate. But I really don’t understand why there are so many people popping up in this thread to assert that although they’ve never had any personal experience with such an event, they’re perfectly willing to make unsupported generalizations about it. I don’t have to get involved with every televangelist, Nigerian bank scam, miracle product advertised on TV or phony charity to be able to intellectually figure out from my own human experience that something about the whole setup doesn’t ring true. I don’t have to get scammed by a bunch of creeps to warn others about the dangers of mixing with something that flies in the face of everthing we know about human behavior. I’ll say it again, this is dating for losers. It’s a rationale for people to have physical contact who are so insecure, unsure of their own desirability or so scared of emotional involvement or their own sexual orientation that they won’t or can’t put themselves out there to find out what the risks are of one-to-one involvement. If a group grope is the answer for these people then let’s be honest and call it that. Teens are the most easily manipulated segment of the population and to sell them into something that is not what it claims to be is dishonest, manipulative and cruel. Just as easily as those that promote these things, I can contend that they may be much more damaging than helpful. Furthermore, I have never been accused of being a conservative. Besides, I don’t need anyone to be around when I take a nap or eat cookies but if you tell me theres a bunch of females that need hugging I’m the first one there. Like it or not, that’s the way the majority of us are hard-wired. If you don’t believe that then I hope I did piss you off. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/38 "2005-10-11T03:19:54Z")
For teenagers, I’d say “non-sexual cuddling” is about as big an oxymoron as it gets. You may as well call it a _frotteur_ party if the kids are really keeping their pants on…which they won’t, eventually. I might let my kid go in a straightjacket, under the supervision of an adult eye-witness who could confirm the other kids being in straightjackets as well. You could prop them all up in a circle so they could play…stare at the bottle. But anyone who gets untied to go to the bathroom has to leave for good. Look, I know they’re going to have sex one way or another, but I’d be cold and dead before allowing myself to be duped by such an absurd concept into being a willing facilitator of teen fornication. That’s all I’d need, my teen daughter telling me I somehow had something to do with her getting knocked up. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/39 "2005-10-11T03:26:13Z")
Females might be able to keep it innocent, but any heterosexual male attending such a “cuddle party,” where there are girls wearing various styles of bedroom attire, squeezing teddy bears, and giggling, is walking into this situation with a boner. B-O-N-E-R. Boner. And I would imagine, while it may not evolve into an orgy, this just seems like it would be an excuse to find someone to pair up with later on. Girls might not always go away feeling disappointed if they leave without finding a bed buddy, but I’d guess it’s gonna be on their minds as a possibility. Most guys, on the other hand, would probably be pissed to not get some action by the end of the night. Walking in with that boner, and all. Happy ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/40 "2005-10-11T03:34:08Z")
Pissed? My balls would have been so blue I’d be screaming in pain after two hours. This whole idea is _craaaaazy_!! Handjob Party. That’s as innocent as it could possibly be without many a teen head exploding. I mean, I’m laughing my ass off just trying to get my head around the idea of actual, flesh-and-blood teenagers _cuddling_ each other in co-ed company without either wild monkey sex breaking out or a lot of moist pajamas and frustration. Puh-LEASE. Ixnay on the uddlecay! No freaking _way_ would I let my kid go to such a thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557.md?page=3)