# What's a "Cuddle Party" and non-sexual "cuddling" all about? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 10, 2005, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557 "2005-10-10T14:05:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/41 "2005-10-11T04:15:16Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Is “cuddling” a stand alone end in itself for these kids? Hell no. It wasn’t in my day, it wasn’t in your day, and it damn sure ain’t these days either. The concept is ridiculous on the face of it. There have already been many well worded replies. A few examples: “dating for losers”, “Hmm, well to my mind cuddling and sexual contact are like peanut butter and jelly. Good if you’re getting both, but not so good if you have just one all by itself because the very presence of one is going to call attention to the absence of the other.”, “Um, are you guys all high? Cuddle party with teenage guests…riiiiggghhht. And nothing sexual will happen, just straight, unadulterated cuddling joy.”, “Handjob Party. That’s as innocent as it could possibly be…” and on and on. Follow the rules as stated, and the result of a Cuddle Party would be torment and frustration for the attendees. I don’t think they’re going to these things to be frustrated and tormented. Some way, some how, there’s sexual gratification involved or these parties wouldn’t exist. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/42 "2005-10-11T04:18:58Z")
I’m another in the “dubious as hell” camp - I’d be pretty willing to bet that this “non-sexual” cuddling is pretty strictly hetero-non-sexual, and that any guy putting his arms around another guy would be kicked in the nuts. If it _is_ purely non-sexual, a bit of guy-on-guy cuddling shouldn’t matter, right? ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/43 "2005-10-11T04:30:16Z")
Shoulda checked the website first: “Unless it is a specifically a single-sex party, **we strive to keep things as 50/50, boy/girl as we can…** ”. {bolding mine} If it’s so non-sexual, why no platonic hot boy-on-boy inaction? A cuddle’s a cuddle, right? Unless anyone CATCHES GAY! ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/44 "2005-10-11T04:33:29Z")
I think it’s “THE gay”. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/45 "2005-10-11T04:35:45Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > Shoulda checked the website first: “Unless it is a specifically a single-sex party, **we strive to keep things as 50/50, boy/girl as we can…** ”. {bolding mine} If it’s so non-sexual, why no platonic hot boy-on-boy inaction? A cuddle’s a cuddle, right? Unless anyone CATCHES GAY! What’s the cure for catching The Gay? Will wearing Sansabelt slacks drive it off? ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/46 "2005-10-11T04:38:59Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > I think it’s “THE gay”. Prob’ly “TEH GAY!”, now I think about it: no same-sex cuddles in the website photos, anyway. We may be non-sexual, but we’re non-_hetero_-sexual, dammit! Anything else would be just _wrong_. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/47 "2005-10-11T04:41:26Z")
teh g4yz0rzzz! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/48 "2005-10-11T04:44:17Z")
The site linked to by **Hunter Hawk** is worth looking at. A quote from the site:“Erections, we were told, are a perfectly natural nonsexual response to positive physical attention and should be welcomed into our space as warmly as the bodies they are attached to.” Erections are a “nonsexual response”? What alternate universe…? SNORT! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/49 "2005-10-11T04:47:06Z")
> [@astro](#): > > What’s the cure for catching The Gay? Well, for women it’s a night of red-hot lovin’ with your humble correspondent: applications for innoculations being accepted now. Bring a friend. As for gay guys - sorry, that’s out of my realm of expertise. Besides, I _like_ gay men and think there should be more: less competition for me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/50 "2005-10-11T04:49:23Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > A quote from the site: "Erections, we were told, are a perfectly natural nonsexual response to positive physical attention and should be welcomed into our space… _Which_ space? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/51 "2005-10-11T05:24:29Z")
It’s interesting to note how many posters are automatically assuming that cuddling is necessarily sexual, and proceeding from that assumption. Yes, it **can** be sexual, but it isn’t always. In my family, everyone hugs. Meet a new family member for the first time, there’s still hugging, even though the person is (at that moment) a complete stranger. And I’m perfectly capable, and always have been, even when a hormone-ravaged teenager, of hugging all of these people (some of them strangers to me, and some of them rather attractive females) without getting aroused. I see no reason to assume that the same could not be true at one of these parties. It’s possible that it’s just a code-word for orgies, which is why a concerned parent should chaperone. But it’s also possible (and probably more likely) that it’s not. I mean, really, if the kids wanted to have an orgy and hide it from their parents, they’d call it a “study group”, or something. They certainly wouldn’t call it a “cuddle party”, if they didn’t want their parents to be suspicious. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/52 "2005-10-11T05:55:56Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > In my family, everyone hugs. Meet a new family member for the first time, there’s still hugging, even though the person is (at that moment) a complete stranger. And I’m perfectly capable, and always have been, even when a hormone-ravaged teenager, of hugging all of these people (some of them strangers to me, and some of them rather attractive females) without getting aroused. I see no reason to assume that the same could not be true at one of these parties. My family’s like yours, and I hug 'em without getting aroused too. But there are several that I’d damn sure get aroused over if we slipped into our pj’s and snuggled on the couch. I think you’re comparing apples and oranges here. ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/53 "2005-10-11T06:28:26Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > My family’s like yours, and I hug 'em without getting aroused too. But there are several that I’d damn sure get aroused over if we slipped into our pj’s and snuggled on the couch. > I think you’re comparing apples and oranges here. Wait, did you just admit that you’re hot for members of your family? Are you perhaps John Carter from the South of Mars? 😃 Joking aside, I agree with your point. I’m not sure how I feel about the cuddle parties. The phrase “dating for losers” keeps coming up, and I’d just like to point out that loserdom is perhaps a lot more common than you think. I was dating a woman a while back, and we engaged in various forms of messing around…but the thing that was absolutely best was when I’d put my arms around her and she’d rest her head against my chest. The feeling of happiness and contentment was really quite something. …of course, this was happening in a relationship where there was also sex, so perhaps the fact that I was getting some was what allowed me to appreciate the cuddling. I’m sure if there was just cuddling I’d have been pretty hard up and unhappy. I’m curious, if just cuddling takes place, and there are chaperones that ensure that no hot monkey sex occurs, would that then be okay for teenage girls to participate in? What I’m getting at is that people are saying that cuddling leads to monkey sex, and is thus bad. But if there’s no monkey sex…is the cuddling still bad? ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/54 "2005-10-11T07:17:38Z")
> [@](#): > > But if there’s no monkey sex…is the cuddling still bad? No, just cruel and inhuman. ---
**Author:** ![Shana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Shana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shana)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/55 "2005-10-11T08:05:20Z")
> [@InternetLegend](#): > > I am a certified (certifiable?) liberal, and I had an extremely wild youth that I don’t necessarily regret. I also have two adolescent daughters whom I fully expect will one day (not today, Lord, nor tomorrow, please) engage in sexual activity. I think it’s completely natural and healthy for older teens to have sex in the context of an appropriate, non-manipulative relationship. > > And my daughters, while they are still of an age to be under my parental supervision, would be allowed to attend a “cuddle party” over my dead body. Just cuddling? Sure. You tell that to the teenage boy with the raging hormones who just got an armful of soft, pliable teenage girl. Or to the girl, for that matter. Teenagers, perhaps especially sexually inexperienced ones, who find themselves in a situation like that are very likely to end up with some very strong urges that they might not have the maturity to overcome. > > We put the kibosh on coed sleepovers when each daughter went into middle school for just this reason. It’s usually far kinder for parents to supply some boundaries than to let their children try to cope with the confusion and temptations of vaguely tittillating situations like these. Well put…I really couldn’t add to that - other than I think it’s beyond creepy. Cookies? Teddy bears? Giggling??? Story telling? Gah! That is just downright odd. Odd I tell you. ODD! ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/56 "2005-10-11T08:54:47Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > It’s interesting to note how many posters are automatically assuming that cuddling is necessarily sexual, and proceeding from that assumption. Yes, it **can** be sexual, but it isn’t always. In my family, everyone hugs. Meet a new family member for the first time, there’s still hugging, even though the person is (at that moment) a complete stranger. And I’m perfectly capable, and always have been, even when a hormone-ravaged teenager, of hugging all of these people (some of them strangers to me, and some of them rather attractive females) without getting aroused. I see no reason to assume that the same could not be true at one of these parties. Not much to add to what **John Carter of Mars** said, except that have you checked out the photos on the website? I’m willing to bet that the hugging in your family is of the vertical rather than the horizontal kind {and if it ain’t, I don’t wanna know…}. That, and I think you’re shifting the semantic goalposts a little: I’d make an important distinction between “cuddling” and “hugging”. To raise the spectre of TEH GAY! again, I have male friends I hug, but I don’t have any I cuddle: I cuddle my son and my wife; I hug my friends. Well, some of them. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/57 "2005-10-11T13:40:39Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > _Which_ space? Yeah, I don’t know, but now we’re gettin’ somewhere… ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/58 "2005-10-11T14:44:09Z")
I find this concept bizarre. Why are we now infantilizing adolescence and young adulthood? Is the big bad world out there so very big and bad? I smell a rat somewhere–I don’t think this concept is a cover for college girls gone wild or whatever–I smell a more putrid rat than that. I smell a whiff of “let’s not grow up and face adult responsiblities and duties”. Scary indeed. And my daughter would get a big NO if she ever asked, as would my sons. Also, someone said upthread something about chaperones being there for the girls. Forget that–chaperones should be there for BOTH sexes–I know plenty of teen girls who would (and not without malice aforethought) deliberately tease the teen guys in this “safe” environment. Nice way to turn one sex into babies and make the other distinctly aware of their non-babyhoodness. Gah. blech. I’ll take porn over this any day… It sounds like a party from hell, to me. but I’ll take a chocolate chip cookie to go. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/59 "2005-10-11T14:59:08Z")
> [@](#): > > I find this concept bizarre. > > Why are we now infantilizing adolescence and young adulthood? Such infantilizing with slight sexual overtones (I can’t help but see a suggestion of it there, regardless f how wholly innocent others try to make it) is hardly new. Twenty years ago there were students who advertised a “tucking-in” service. They’d come and “tuck you in” bed. I don’t think the suggestion ever went any further than the slightly risque edge it gave to things. I suspect that this is how they could get away with “selling” this to adolescents. I’d find getting into my jammies with a bunch of other adolescentas pretty degrading, were it not for the thought that I was getting to hug girls who might not otherwise have much to do with me. Fear of losing that little bit of intimacy will keep folks from taking this any further, But I’m convinced that the slight sexual edge is what “sells” this kiddie-type behavior and makes it palatable. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557/60 "2005-10-11T15:13:14Z")
Many of you folks now strike me as downright weird. You wanna talk about pathetic “dating for wimps” behavior, consider the bar scene. Let’s all inbibe intoxicants until we’re sufficiently inebriated that our tastes and inhibitions are lowered to the point that we’ll toddle off to car and then bed with someone before the evening ends? And for “behavior purportedly innocent but really obviously leading to sex”, umm, dancing? Let’s blast music so it’s too loud for anyone to talk to, dim the lights, and then pantomime thrust-and-response and rub ventral body surfaces together on the floor, shall we? In the OP, the proposed participant was described as 18. I would think an 18 year old could, if he/she so chose, participate in something where the overtly stated purpose is to hook up with a sex partner. Why disparage “cuddle parties” on the grounds that they might lead to sexual behavior? (And where the heck did all these prudish folks come in from, anyway??) And I can’t believe the number of people who think an evening of intermittent or perpetual sexual arousal, erections and like, is going to be experienced as a) negative or b) unusual among people of this age. Who are you people and what have you done with the Dopers? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-cuddle-party-and-non-sexual-cuddling-all-about/325557.md?page=4)