# What's a polite way to say: "Please don't text me"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 9, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144 "2012-09-09T00:04:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/81 "2012-09-11T12:30:20Z")
Because I have been dirt-poor the past 4-5 years, poor to where YES, $5 IS A BIG DEAL, I had all internet and texting disabled on my cell phone (I need one for work purposes, it’s a bare-bones plan). My family knows I don’t text and why, and respect my allocation of resources (or non-allocation in this case). When they need to get ahold of me they call me. Ditto for my close friends. Most of the time, I tell people no, I don’t get texts, I have a “stupid” phone and not a smartphone, please call me. If I don’t answer leave a voice mail, I WILL get back to you (often in just a minute or two). Most people can handle that. Once or twice I get someone snarking about texting being the thing, the new norm, whatever. I tell them that as soon as they are willing to pay my bill for texting I’ll get it on my phone. Somehow, that cools their jets. Usually. Because, you know, it’s _really rude_ to force someone else to pay for your convenience. I realize that’s becoming a norm in our society, but that doesn’t make it a good thing. TL:DNR - “I do not have texting on my phone service. If you need to reach me please actually call me on the phone.” ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/82 "2012-09-11T18:51:30Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I’ve gone through and past E-mail now. I consider it obsolete for personal or urgent communications. E-mail is for paying bills and advertising and other mass, low-priority messages (just like the paper post). For personal messages, message me on Facebook or text message my phone. For urgent messages, place a phone call or use the office’s instant messenger. If you want to send a message that I might never open, send E-mail. Ah, yes, Facebook, which I remember people calling “the operating system for the Internet” as recently as two years ago … and which also has the charming “feature” of burying messages from non-friends under “Other” and not bothering to alert you that there’s anything there. Well, maybe they’ve fixed that; hard to tell, as FB seems to get a radical redesign about every other day. ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/83 "2012-09-11T19:31:45Z")
> [@gonzoron](#): > > You see that’s just it. I consider texting obsolete, at least as implemented by SMS. It’s just data. I pay $17/month for 200MB of data (the minimum plan available on my service, and hence the most expensive per MB.) The 140 8-bit characters for a text should be 140/(200_1024_1024) of that allotment, or about 1/1000 of a cent. 20 cents is a ludicrous 20,000x markup. A few years ago, I saw an article claiming that texting is more expensive than downloading data from the Hubble space telescope: > **[Space scientist says texting is four times more expensive than receiving...](https://phys.org/news/2008-05-space-scientist-texting-expensive-scientific.html)** > > A University of Leicester space scientist has worked out that sending texts via mobile phones works out to be far more expensive than downloading data from the Hubble Space Telescope. > [@](#): > > It’s not that I’m a technophobe. I do understand the desire to send a quick message instead of calling. I’d have no problem using a free texting app (I’d mention the name of the one I have again, but if I do I’ll start sounding like an elaborate spammer. Lets say imessage instead, if only imessage was cross-platform). Its my aversion to paying unnecessary fees that’s the real issue. Exactly. When I pull out my decidedly non-smart phone (which is just the free phone you get with a cell phone plan), sometimes I’ll hear a snarky remark like, “Oh, so you’re one of those Luddites!” No, asshole, I’m not a Luddite, I’m a cheapskate. Completely different. When iPhones are free, I’ll happily use one. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/84 "2012-09-11T19:40:00Z")
> [@Jake\_Jones](#): > > That was me on both counts. Do feel free to address me directly. Also, I’m not a kid. I’m closer to the finish line than the starting line, but I try to integrate new technology into my life rather than grouse about “the kids and their texting!” or similar. > > I basically made the same argument as Bozuit, without the example story, and I made it first. Text messaging is useful as an asynchronous communication tool, much like email. Texting is mobile phone centric, while email is used across a variety of platforms. > > The fact that you somehow came back to the discussion to deign that text messaging can “make sense” under certain circumstances that you can now deem more worthy than pre-pubescent antics really doesn’t impress me very much. I can see that texting can be useful in some circumstances. However, in my day to day life, nobody ever texts me, and I don’t send texts. It just doesn’t occur to me to do so. So my phone plan doesn’t include any free texts. Any text message I happen to receive costs me twenty cents. Fortunately I hardly get any, as I said, so it doesn’t really bother me. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Righteous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Dr.Righteous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Righteous)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/85 "2012-09-11T22:04:24Z")
This reminds me of one person who I had to serve up some tough love to regarding texting. The second she heard I had gotten an iPhone started texting me all. the. time. In the middle of the night I was getting woken up by the message receipt sound (I have an elderly mother so I don’t want to silence the phone altogether… although maybe there’s some way to silence just text notifications?) I knew if I started responding to her texts it would get crazy quickly since she has that thing glued to her 24/7 and I didn’t want to get sucked into that (it has gotten to the point that at group gatherings we’ve had to tell her to put the phone down or ask her why she even bothered coming if all she was going to do is sit in the corner and text other people). I decided not to even open her texts let alone respond - if it was all that important she’d eventually call me… which never happened. When she next saw me she asked why I wasn’t responding to her texts, I told her I don’t have a texting plan and don’t want one so you won’t be able to get ahold of me that way. If you need me, email or call. After a few more times of me not responding she stopped, so people can be trained. I actually do text a little now - with folks who I know won’t abuse it. Mainly it’s small stuff like “on the bus, be there in 20 min”, which is IMHO a perfect use of a text. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/86 "2012-09-11T22:39:31Z")
> [@Dr.Righteous](#): > > The second she heard I had gotten an iPhone started texting me all. the. time. In the middle of the night I was getting woken up by the message receipt sound (I have an elderly mother so I don’t want to silence the phone altogether… although maybe there’s some way to silence just text notifications?) There is: In the “Settings” app, go to Sounds. You can individually change, or turn off, the sound for every different type of communication. ---
**Author:** ![listedmia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@listedmia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/listedmia)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/87 "2012-09-12T01:11:25Z")
I used to have a semi-pay-as-you-go Virgin mobile plan that had unlimited texting but only 200 voice minutes per month. I had to pay a fairly exorbitant amount if I wanted to go over that. In that case, sending a text message was actually cheaper for me than making a phone call. So you might be inconveniencing and costing the other person in order to make your life easier. However, I did have friends who didn’t have text messages enabled, and it really didn’t bother me much if they asked me to call instead. If it was close to the end of the month, though, I couldn’t get in touch with them very easily. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/88 "2012-09-12T03:24:10Z")
If your budget is so tight that $5 will make or break you, it’s really your own responsibility to shop around for a phone plan that blocks texting altogether or lets you only allow it for certain numbers. These sorts of things are common with plans that have parental controls. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/89 "2012-09-12T03:36:58Z")
> [@steveroo](#): > > Exactly. When I pull out my decidedly non-smart phone (which is just the free phone you get with a cell phone plan), sometimes I’ll hear a snarky remark like, “Oh, so you’re one of those Luddites!” No, asshole, I’m not a Luddite, I’m a cheapskate. Completely different. When iPhones are free, I’ll happily use one. Most major companies will now give you a smartphone for free with a contract. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/90 "2012-09-12T15:15:57Z")
I think texting itself is fine. Think of it as a way to put a post-it note in front of someone instantly from miles away. What is not fine is how much carriers want to charge for it. And their bandwidth cost to convey text messages is next to nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/91 "2012-09-12T15:51:38Z")
> [@steveroo](#): > > A few years ago, I saw an article claiming that texting is more expensive than downloading data from the Hubble space telescope. You don’t know the half of it: [It costs $35 Million to send an HD video over SMS while roaming on AT&T](http://blog.ryankearney.com/2012/08/it-costs-35-million-to-send-an-hd-video-over-sms-while-roaming-on-att/) ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/92 "2012-09-12T16:05:03Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Most major companies will now give you a smartphone for free with a contract. A contract that must include a data plan, of course. Nothing the phone companies give you is “free.” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Righteous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Dr.Righteous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Righteous)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/93 "2012-09-12T16:53:05Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > There is: In the “Settings” app, go to Sounds. You can individually change, or turn off, the sound for every different type of communication. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![AndyLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@AndyLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyLee)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/94 "2012-09-12T17:31:07Z")
Say, “I have a cheap cell phone I got at Walgreens, it doesn’t work to well with text,” then laugh. I lost my job last year and had to give up my smart phone. This is the one bright spot. I have this el cheapo phone from Walgreens I paid $20 bucks for, in case of an emergency. I am so happy to be off the cell phone world. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/95 "2012-09-13T04:11:26Z")
Best guess without looking: “I only have so many texts allowed on my plan. I can only use them sparingly. Could you please cut down on the number you send me? Thanks.” (I probably could word all that nicer, but you get the concept.) And now I read the OP, and I’m right about the reason, so I don’t see a problem at all in telling people. The problem would be if someone was texting 24/7 and it just annoyed you, but you didn’t want to block them in case of an emergency. > [@jackdavinci](#): > > If your budget is so tight that $5 will make or break you, it’s really your own responsibility to shop around for a phone plan that blocks texting altogether or lets you only allow it for certain numbers. These sorts of things are common with plans that have parental controls. And parental controls are only available on the higher end plans. Blocking texting altogether is a little more common, but I’d say it’s more common with pay-as-you-go plans rather than contracts. Then again, if you rarely use your phone, such a plan is a better option, anyways. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/96 "2012-09-13T04:22:31Z")
> [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](#): > > You don’t know the half of it: [It costs $35 Million to send an HD video over SMS while roaming on AT&T](http://blog.ryankearney.com/2012/08/it-costs-35-million-to-send-an-hd-video-over-sms-while-roaming-on-att/) wait, so not only do you not have any control over this bill from the phone company, there is no price cap? Denial of Service attacks are a joke if people can send text spam instead. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/97 "2012-09-13T04:35:41Z")
> [@chizzuk](#): > > And frankly, the idea of having a smartphone with no texting plan just baffles me because it seems like such a basic thing to leave out of everything else the phone can do, but YMMV. Not at all. I use Google voice for free SMS and don’t have a texting plan. The data use is so minimal that doesn’t impact data use in any discernible way. There’s no point in paying for something I can get for free. Besides, email is superior. It doesn’t have the stupid character limit, it’s archived, it can handle larger pictures/other files, I can read it on any net-connected device, etc. Edit: real SMS has one advantage that other services don’t: it can often go through when (due to reception issues, network overloading, etc.) it’s impossible to get voice or net service. But that’s a pretty rare use-case. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/98 "2012-09-13T23:48:56Z")
I love texting. I send and receive a few dozen each day, related to work. I keep meaning to change my voice mail greeting to “just shoot me a text” because I hate voice mail. My clients don’t regard a quick glance at a text as nearly as rude as a phone call. Texting is so much faster and it is right there on your phone for reference, like when I ask for a address or phone number. You get to dispense with all those time-wasting social conventions like asking about your mamma and them.😃 Just quick messages, direct and to the point. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2012, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144/99 "2012-09-14T02:05:33Z")
The only option is to either allow people to text or turn texts off. You can’t tell people “Look here is my phone number. But you are one of the people I only want to text with, so please, never ever call me.” Likewise, you can’t do the opposite. Giving someone a phone number is an invitation for that person to use that number in any normal, socially acceptable way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-a-polite-way-to-say-please-dont-text-me/634144.md?page=4)