If Homer Simpson is correct and everything on TV is true then:
The second you touch one, they will kick your ass.
I wonder how often they get flashed.
What if you french-kiss them?
Then they would be standing at attention and running up a flag pole.
An excellent freind of mine worked a summer as a member of the GG’s (Grenadier Guards) in Ottawa.
Apparently the worse visitors to endure were the bus-loads of girls from private all-girls high-schools on field trips. Apparently some of these girls were so oversexed they would leave puddles of female homones in their wakes, and delighted in trying out their powers of seduction on slightly oder boys who were effectively immobilised by their summer job duty. The things whispered, suggested, flashed, demonstrated, and acted out for the benefit of these young men in brilliant red uniforms and tall bear skin hats by plaid-clad barely post-pubescent pricesses would land me in jail if I were to recount them here. Apparently, this was to be expected for the spring season, and the standards of dress for the guards included elements to ensure that no physiological consequences of such torment could be visually observed. I understand this did not make the uniforms more comfortable…
If only they could mention this in the recruiting ads… 
Honestly, I would tend to doubt they’re told to shoot. Because, given all the silly things tourists do around the guards, I would bet some moron do make physical contact or push them from time to time. And if guards routinely killed a dozen tourists each summer, we would hear about it.
If it’s clearly some jerk playing a prank, then I’m confident the guard will quickly regain his footing, and ceremonially march off to stand somewhere else, leaving the idiot tourist looking slightly foolish. After all, they don’t stand still the whole time - if they’re suffering, if cramp is threatening, or whatever, they go for a march around the square.
Thanks Bookkeeper, I wasn’t really specific on where in Ottawa they can be found.
I suspect, based on absolutly no evidence, that the guard would return to his position as quickly as possible. The 15-20 off-duty-standing-around-in-plain-clothes cohorts of his would do the ass kicking, arresting, and general catching up.
At the Tomb of the Unkown Soldier in Arlington this would be the case. When ever I’ve been there there were always several guards standing around in civvies. I’m sure they are not just standing around and watching for fun.
He was probably doing his Mr Bean impression.
Actually, Mr. Bean was one of the first things I thought of.
Me too. And I must admit I had to wonder where Lobsang got the idea from.
In Ottawa several of the people I was with stuck around a bit longer and began to do the long row of kickdance thing next to him. Eventually someone came out of the building and told them to go away. Though I’m sure the Queen’s guards probably do have a lot more anti-bothering-the-people-that-are-standing-there-with-the-funny-hats measures than those guarding the GG’s place.
Would be quite a deterrent, don’t you think?
One of my BILs was in the Norwegian Royal Guard, and one of my nephews is serving there now. The question of flashing actually came up at a family get-together when said nephew was considering applying. BIL said it never happened to him and in his opinion the guys who claimed it happened to them were just bragging. However, they did get tasked to shoo away sunbathers. You’re welcome to sit on the lawn of the Palace in Oslo, you understand - but in street clothes, not in a bikini. The job of asking topless girls to cover up or move was apparently very very popular
I can ask about what they’re supposed to do if pushed the next time I see one of them. I suspect they’re a bit gentler than the Brits - our King has four million bodyguards - but that doesn’t mean they’re nice guys.
I saw a thread on this at another site, in which a former member of the guard at Arlington said that they were very serious about their guard duties and quite ready to use force to carry them out, even, in at least one case that he personally knew of, to the extent of chambering a round and threatening to shoot obnoxious young louts who were persistently trying to climb on the Tomb. In addition to the visible guard, there are a half dozen others waiting close by as relief guards and, if necessary, as reinforcements.
What if you tickle him? Just a bit? That’s not an act of aggression…
I always wanted to do that…