# what's big, brown, and eats small children? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 30, 2002, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601 "2002-05-30T19:58:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/21 "2002-05-31T22:13:08Z")
Thanks, **Ogre**. I’m now sitting with my feet pulled up into my chair (no mean feat for a man of my physique), shuddering. I’d be hiding under my desk…but there could be _spiders_ under there. I’m considering sucking my thumb now. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/22 "2002-05-31T22:51:37Z")
I live in upstate New York. I refuse to go into our shed because there are spiders that live in it. Spiders that are like four or five inches across. Spiders that are hairy. Spiders that JUMP AT YOU!!! I’m going to go cower now. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![kitarak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kitarak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitarak)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2002, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/23 "2002-05-31T22:58:51Z")
:eek: Ogre. I just read your post. It’s midnight and I was planning to go to bed in 5 minutes. I think I’ll stay up an extra hour or seven… I don’t want to go to sleep with that image in my head. You should have seen me cringe when I read that… Spiders creep me out. Unless they’re really really big I’m not actively scared at them, but… ::shudder:: Why, oh why, did I open this thread? ---
**Author:** ![CheapBastid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8baadc/32.png) [@CheapBastid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheapBastid)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/24 "2002-06-01T01:45:08Z")
You better hope it wasn’t a [Camel Spider](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=93946)… =) ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/25 "2002-06-01T02:00:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ogre \* > \*\*But when I opened that old wellhouse door, and put my hand right on Big Mama Wolf Spider and she jumped and hundreds of little baby spiders swarmed up my hand, well… \*\* ohgoodlord _thud_ ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/26 "2002-06-01T02:28:36Z")
There are no spiders in Montreal, there are no spiders in Montreal, there are no spiders in Montreal, there are no spiders in Montreal… [sub]Oh god I hope not, anyway[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/27 "2002-06-01T03:06:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ogre \* > \*\*I do a lot of walking around in the woods, inspecting old, dilapidated structures for my job. In the moist woods of Alabama, the wolf spiders get HUGE. Now, I know that wolf spiders are non-poisonous (generally speaking, unless you’re allergic,) are fairly shy, and present no real danger to humans. I _know_ this. But when I opened that old wellhouse door, and put my hand right on Big Mama Wolf Spider and she jumped and hundreds of little baby spiders swarmed up my hand, well… > > _EEEEEUUUUUUEEEUUUGGHHHGHHH!!!_ > > That is all. \*\* :eek: **Ogre** , I could have gone a long time without that image swimming around my head! guhhhroooooosssss! ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/28 "2002-06-01T05:51:24Z")
I’ve seen some pretty huge Wolf Spiders in Canada which means they are probably everywhere in the continental United States. I think they are really cool. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/29 "2002-06-01T06:04:36Z")
Domo-Kun! ---
**Author:** ![Anemone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/46a35a/32.png) [@Anemone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anemone)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/30 "2002-06-01T09:45:49Z")
My first apartment was in the woods. It was really a house, a big beautiful house whose first floor and a room on the second floor were mine all mine…I loved that place dearly. Yet, it was old (150 yrs) and wasnt just accomodating for people. It had lovely dark brown wood floors perfect for sitting stone still on and never being detected upon, High HIGH ceilings with lovely beams to build tremendous silken cities of insect death, and plenty of ripe bugs heavy with life giving innards litteraly poised to fall into your traps. The result of this is that i had lots and lots of spiders. All kinds. and I HATE SPIDERS. HATE HATE HATE. i get creeps thinking about them. The wolf spiders were the worst. the largest i found had a body the size of a half dollar and legs that splayed out the length of my palm. And yes, she was a hirsute mama. A pelt you could have worn. She moved so fast i could hardly follow her when she moved. It took me ten minutes of chasing to get her trapped. I hate spiders. ick. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/31 "2002-06-01T15:11:57Z")
All of this talk about spiders reminds me of [_Night for Nixie_](http://www.reelprogress.com/nixie/photopage1.html), which features a half-meter long, soul-eating, jumping wolf spider. ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/32 "2002-06-01T16:43:52Z")
This seems the appropriate place to share this picture: [RUN DUDE, RUN!!!](http://www.saddleworth.net/gedspage/goliath.htm) According to the text that thing is alive as of the picture being taken, and according to me I have to go take a shower and slap at my arms and legs for a few hours. LC ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/33 "2002-06-01T16:53:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by superbee \* > or Jackson :eek: Michael Jackson is **big** and brown? I’ve been looking through the wrong end of my telescope again. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/34 "2002-06-01T17:17:29Z")
Dammitalltohell!!! I would have _never_ opened this thread had I known there were spiders in it!! Great big bastidges, too…Christ. I have been clawing at my arms and hair for a solid ten minutes now! _:massive shudder:_ THEN I open up **Luckii** ’s link, mainly because I’m stupid and obviously a masochist, to find a spider the size of my Jack Russell terrier. I’ll be bald by the time I get finished typing this post, thanks to _that_ little trip down nightmare lane. And many, many thanks to dear **Ogre** for his graphic description of being swarmed by spiders. I’m billing you for the skin-graphing I’ll be having done this week, dammit. [sub]_Hurries to the car to go buy a warehouse full of Raid…[/sub]_ ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/35 "2002-06-01T17:23:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lucki Chaarms \* > \*\*This seems the appropriate place to share this picture: > > [RUN DUDE, RUN!!!](http://www.saddleworth.net/gedspage/goliath.htm) > \*\* The “eek” smiley is **WOEFULLY** inadequate for my reaction to that picture. We need a smiley that more accurately depicts naked, abject fear. Room 101 type of fear. The type of fear that makes one gibber in tongues and pray for death. I really must stop clicking on links like that. It shortens my lifespan. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/36 "2002-06-01T17:52:14Z")
I too was one of the innocents who opened this thread expecting a joke or something. Now I am completely freaked. And I am NOT going to check out **Luckii"s** link. No way in HELL. I just _know_ it’ll be something that will give me nightmares for years. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/37 "2002-06-01T18:00:27Z")
From the same site as **Luckii’s** link, I present: [The Hercules Centipede](http://www.saddleworth.net/gedspage/scol.htm)! Oh. My. God! I’m not gonna turn over another rock or piece of wood again, ever! jayjay ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/38 "2002-06-01T18:20:15Z")
> [@](#): > > The Hercules Centipede! Artoo! Wake up! They’re going to get Padme!! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/39 "2002-06-01T18:28:56Z")
Okay. Centipedes don’t normally scare me. So, I check out **jayjay’s** link, filin to notice that he DID say it was from the same place as \*\*Luckii’s. \*\* Oh dear Goddess. I want to go hide somewhere. But there’s just no place around here where the bugs can’t get me. _sob_ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2002, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601/40 "2002-06-01T18:42:42Z")
From [http://www.angelfire.com/pop2/thisiswrong/thoughts.html](http://www.angelfire.com/pop2/thisiswrong/thoughts.html) (no pictures – and I don’t remember if you can link directly to an angelfire site anyway.) > [@](#): > > Spiders are the DEVIL! > > Yes, yes they are. I don’t care what anyone says, spiders are the spawns of Satan. Today in church (how fitting) I learned about camel spiders. What are they, you ask? Well, they are like tarantula’s only about 5 times bigger and they feed on camels, hence the name. Yes, those big ass camels are their meals. > > It gets worse. Much worse. > > Apparently these spiders inject some kind of um…stuff into it’s prey to knock it out. Then it slowly begins to munch on flesh. The story I heard in church today was about a man who had half his face chewed off by a camel spider without even knowing it. Ah. [Here’s a picture](http://www.alphalink.com.au/~cask/kuwait/Maher-16.jpg). From [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/transcripts/2312lost.html](http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/transcripts/2312lost.html) > [@](#): > > RAN FIENNES: Not asleep yet? Eighteen years ago, we were camped near here. My signaller, Ibriham, got visited in the night. The spiders are **six inches long** , hairy legs, and big mandibles. One of them couldn’t get into his sleeping bag, so it started to eat his face. It desensitizes before it bites, so you don’t know that it’s biting. This fellow woke up in the morning, and half of his nose and all of his cheek had gone AWOL. Sleep well. [“Here is a camel spider about the size of my outstretched hand.”](http://www.adventureservices.com/images/camelspider.jpg) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-big-brown-and-eats-small-children/111601.md?page=3)