# What's Cheez Whiz Got Ta Do, Got Ta Do With It? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 22, 2004, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721 "2004-03-22T14:11:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/161 "2004-03-26T17:11:34Z")
Good directions, **Rue**. There should be no trouble finding me that way. **Ashes** , I’m going to Cirque on Tuesday! It should be fun. Of course, I’m not toting 9 kids with me. I’ll be going with my runner friends. And while we can usually be quite juvenile, well, we’re usually not _that_ bad. **Wintermute** , are you actually trying to make us smarter around here? Who knew you could pick up so many tidbits in an MMP?!? ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/162 "2004-03-26T18:37:25Z")
> [@scout1222](#): > > **Wintermute** , are you actually trying to make us smarter around here? Who knew you could pick up so many tidbits in an MMP?!? My most sincere apologies, **Scout**. I got carried away. Would you buy “all my friends are doing it”? But it was trivia, and that’s pretty mundane, and it was a hijack (well, a continuing hijack), so I’ll maintain it wasn’t a hanging offence. Are you offering any plea bargains, **Scout**? Remember, it was a first offence; leniency is suggested. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/163 "2004-03-26T18:38:21Z")
**Wintermute** , I wasn’t meaning to sound disrespectful towards Mendocino County, of course it has many more wonderful places than the Skunk Train (although the route is beautiful). Fetzer alson makesan excellent Reisling and its tasting room was one of my favorite spots to stop when I drove from the Bay area to Eureka. My bras are almost all white, it’s that pesky size problem. Designers seem to think my girls won’t want to dress up with pretty colors and lacy lace. Of course, it is true that they are pretty impressive on their own. I suppose if you’re small, you need attention getting devices. Just kidding, really. Small is sexy, too. **Shibb** , I once bought a car through a broker. It came off the boat in Benicia, was trucked to Fresno, washed, then trucked to Monterey, washed, and delivered to me. Benicia is maybe 75 miles north of Monterey, Fresno about 200 miles away. An identical car was at the dealership in Monterey the entire time. I decided that my new car had needed a vacation before she settled down as my means of transportation. And cooking half-nekkid (or wholly nekkid) can be dangerous. Especially bacon. Not that I have personal experience or anything. Nope. Not me. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/164 "2004-03-26T19:14:21Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > **Shibb** , I once bought a car through a broker. It came off the boat in Benicia, was trucked to Fresno, washed, then trucked to Monterey, washed, and delivered to me. Benicia is maybe 75 miles north of Monterey, Fresno about 200 miles away. An identical car was at the dealership in Monterey the entire time. I decided that my new car had needed a vacation before she settled down as my means of transportation. > > And cooking half-nekkid (or wholly nekkid) can be dangerous. Especially bacon. Not that I have personal experience or anything. Nope. Not me. My car is leased, not bought, or I would have definitely looked at it beforehand. She’s going for cosmetic surgery next week. As for nekkid, I’d nix cooking bacon, stir-fry, or any kind of ironing. Folding clothes is okay, but if you’ve got a walk-in freezer handy I’d suggest avoiding that as well. Tell your girls “Hello” for me. Their bounty is legendary in cyberspace. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/165 "2004-03-26T19:29:04Z")
Oh, **Wintermute** , I’m not much into punishment. I’m more of a “stern glare, harrumph, and silently stew” type of gal. But I’ll give you a pass this time around. What the heck, it’s Friday, and it’s time for lunch. I’m feeling benevolent. ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/166 "2004-03-26T20:24:17Z")
Don’t worry, **Kallessa** , it wasn’t like that; I was just feeling chatty today. I don’t even live there anymore; what do I care? And thank you very much, **Scout**. I promise never to post anything resembling information in a **Rue** thread again. Well, that’s it, kids, I’m out for the weekend. I’m not going home quite yet, but probably won’t be back here. See you Monday! ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/167 "2004-03-26T22:33:09Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > \ > As for nekkid, I’d nix cooking bacon, stir-fry, or any kind of ironing. Folding clothes is okay, but if you’ve got a walk-in freezer handy I’d suggest avoiding that as well. Tell your girls “Hello” for me. **Their bounty is legendary in cyberspace.** (bolding mine) ``` :eek: :eek: ``` ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/168 "2004-03-26T23:10:01Z")
Well, this is an epic MMP, extending into Friday evening! Just in case you were worrying, I’m safely afloat in Solomons. We moved the boat to our new marina today, opened a couple of checking accounts, unloaded all the junk I brought, and the satellite dish is up and receiving. Obviously, the wireless net is working too. YAY! That’s all I’ve got. It’s a conjugal weekend - yay for conjugal weekends! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![earthpuppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@earthpuppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/earthpuppy)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/169 "2004-03-27T00:34:11Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > It’s a conjugal weekend - yay for conjugal weekends! 😃 If the boat is rockin’, don’t bother knockin’! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/170 "2004-03-27T01:54:33Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Well, this is an epic MMP, extending into Friday evening! Well, we had that one that lasted until Monday morning and **Rue** got all conflicted about the “should I start a new one or continue the old one” issue. As I recall, he started a new one which had a theme revolving around mucus. Turned out to be a bad move. Remember that one? I do, because I tried to be funny and failed. I’m mostly funny by accident. We had a poster around here called White Lightning here for a while who claimed to find me funny, but I haven’t seen him around lately. So I guess I’m not sufficiently funny by accident. You all have my most sincere apologies. [This guy](http://www.littletinylies.com) is funny. Check the recipes. You will plotz.\* Conjugal visits are about to become a routine “waking up with a smelly guy who scratches himself” daily occurence, so we all need to post a big “Yay FairyChatMom” posty thing. Back to business. Brassiers: The only way you ladies are ever going to get a correct fit is to come to my house, let me make several detailed measurements, model the results on my computer, and allow me to transmit the model directly to a custom manufacturer. Remeasurments and precision fitting may be required. For female Dopers: Do not stand in the kitchen naked cooking things. If you do, you are virtually certain to be dragged off to the bedroom/bathroom/woodshed/any-place-with-a-horizontal-surface-of-the-correct-height to do something else entirely. You might be gone for a really long time, so not only will your food burn, but you’ll have to deal with a fire, and you’ll be really tired by then. Trust me. Cars: Don’t care. They run or they don’t. That’s all I care about.\*\* Food in general: If I can’t jam it on a stick and hold it over a fire, it’s too complicated. I’ve just run out of steam. Perhaps **welby** will be kind enough to elaborate. Or maybe he won’t. He probably ran off to the SciFiCon without me. Again. \*I learned this word from a Jewish friend, and I liked it. I think it’s Yiddish. He said it meant “poop your pants.” If that’s not what it means, then I screwed up and I apologize to everyone. \*\*Yes, I pull maintenance on my own cars. No, I don’t obsess about them. They just get me (and possibly a huge load of crap) from Point A to Point B. As long as they do that, I’m hap ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/171 "2004-03-27T02:06:36Z")
> [@](#): > > For female Dopers: Do not stand in the kitchen naked cooking things. If you do, \*you are virtually certain to be dragged off to the bedroom/bathroom/woodshed/any-place-with-a-horizontal-surface-of-the-correct-height to do something else entirely. \* You might be gone for a really long time, so not only will your food burn, but you’ll have to deal with a fire, and you’ll be really tired by then. Trust me. Ummm, :o Mr. Taters doesn’t always want or require horizontal surfaces. :o 'Nuf said there, I think. " > [@](#): > > waking up with a smelly guy who scratches himself" Shall I add “and farts long and loud”! to that? That does seem to be a guy thing. Sorta takes the romance out of things, if ya know what I mean. I’m not saying \*\*Mr. **FCM** \*\* does that, I mean I don’t even KNOW him, but it seems like guys do this. **Ex,** You nut, you! I think I’ll just stick with the measuring lady at Victoria’s Secret. She just needs a TAPE MEASURE, nothing else. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/172 "2004-03-27T02:10:45Z")
Aw, crap. It was supposed to be **White Lightning** , just to be honoring a fellow poster I like and continue the moonshine thing from last week, and all the stuff in the footnotes was supposed to be small. And it was supposed to be **welby** too. I hate it when I give that jerk license to make fun of me. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/173 "2004-03-27T02:35:47Z")
Well, crap again. Evidently, I got the emboldenation on **welby** ’s username correct in the first place. Damn. Now he’s got something entirely different (and more serious) to make fun of me about. He’s such a jerk, always claiming to be funnier and wittier and smarter than me. It doesn’t help that he’s right. As an aside (because I obviously care much more about my own posts than anybody else’s), I must note that Mr. Taters is a much better athlete than I. I tried that “up against the wall” thing once, but she couldn’t get the necessesary purchase with her feet on the points of my hipbones, and the entire excercise ended in failure with a strained back (mine) and a badly bruised tailbone (hers). I’ve become a proper middle-aged gentleman by this time, and have resolved to pursue my amorous endeavours in a proper fashion. In a bed, laying out flat, doing nothing that might require a trapeeze. You don’t want to get hut while having fun, after all. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/174 "2004-03-27T02:57:30Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > Aw, crap. > > It was supposed to be **White Lightning** , just to be honoring a fellow poster I like and continue the moonshine thing from last week, and all the stuff in the footnotes was supposed to be small. > > And it was supposed to be **welby** too. I hate it when I give that jerk license to make fun of me. **WL** is way cool, so you must be okay to, **Ex**. I’ll shoot him an email to tell him were talking about him. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/175 "2004-03-27T03:23:29Z")
See that, everbody? Not only did I get **Shibb** to notice me, but I got him to actually _do me a favor_! Without trying, even! Either I’m too cool for school, or he’s an exceptionally nice guy. I’m betting on the latter. I’m not sure how I’ll reignite a firestorm of a discussion about underpants, boxer shorts in particular (or was it briefs? Yes, upon reflection I think it was briefs and the proper manipulation of the pee-pee-hole thereof) so I figure we’ll just wing it. I did like the guy, though. I’m talking about **White Lightning** , for those of you easily confused. Has anybody else noticed that I’ve had a bit of trouble spelling common English words for the past couple of hours? ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/176 "2004-03-27T03:36:23Z")
I noticed, **Ex** , but was trying to be polite. I am still wearing boring old maternity bras in case anyone cares but I have big plans for a shopping spree when I finally get down to a decent weight. I don’t cook nekkid and vertical surfaces are inappropriate when the female is a foot shorter than the male. Just sayin’ ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/177 "2004-03-27T05:02:16Z")
> [@tanookie](#): > > I don’t cook nekkid and vertical surfaces are inappropriate when the female is a foot shorter than the male. > > Just sayin’ Que? ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/178 "2004-03-27T07:37:14Z")
So, I tried cooking nekkid 'cuz **Ex** said it would result in me being dragged off etc. but all I got was a burn that nobody will ever see. Living alone is a bitc\*. ---
**Author:** ![earthpuppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@earthpuppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/earthpuppy)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/179 "2004-03-27T09:09:23Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > So, I tried cooking nekkid 'cuz **Ex** said it would result in me being dragged off etc. but all I got was a burn that nobody will ever see. > Living alone is a bitc\*. You may have provided some much appreciated entertainment to the lonely guy with the binoculars living behind you… ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721/180 "2004-03-27T12:03:07Z")
Well, I came to Maryland to visit my husband for the weekend, and last night I gave him crabs. :eek: :eek: :eek: Crab legs, actually. Albertson’s had a good sale on them last week, so I bought 10 clusters to bring on this trip. We steamed them up and ate them for dinner last night. He thought it was funny to say that I gave him crabs. So, **Taters** , _that’s_ his guy-type thing. He’s not big on the scratchin’ and fartin’ - he’s way more cerebral than that. Crabs, indeed… 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-cheez-whiz-got-ta-do-got-ta-do-with-it/235721.md?page=10)