Cranky, I’m in the center of the story and even I am not sure if I should laugh or cry!
To all the Patient Readers, especially those who are not yet parents and may be getting a slightly incorrect “message” regarding parental behavior contained within this story… I want to clarify my statement about being “laid back”.
I don’t mean that we don’t have rules and limits. We do. And there are consequences to breaking the rules. And although there is a lot of freecom, she is not allowed to do anything she wants. That would be anarchy.
And there are expectations. About limiting work hours. About what appropriate behaviors are for someone who is viewed as a leader, athletically and academically. About what a reasonable time to come home means.
“Laid back” in this context just refers to not over-reacting. And being reasonable. And deciding which battles are worth fighting and which ones are best left alone. It’s about being flexible. It’s about being willing and able to admit a mistake.
Algernon said “She’s bright. We trust her to make good decisions. She knows we love her unconditionally. She knows that if she’s ever in trouble, she’ll not have to face it alone, because we won’t abandon her…”
This made me tear up some. She is also very lucky to have such smart parents. I’m glad it all worked out (sorry for the scare on pg. one)
Well, if I were you, I would definitely give the clinic a piece of my mind for worrying you like that. Jeez, the cloak and dagger, “I cannot discuss it with you” when you’re the parent of a teenaged girl…
Hats off to Algernette…she sounds like she’s got a good head on her shoulders.
When my son was a few weeks old, I got a badly phrased letter from the hospital, saying he needed to come back in for a PK test because he could at risk for mental retardation. It was my first child, Ivylad was in San Diego in the Navy while I’m in Florida…hormones, I was a wreck.
Turned out the first blood test they did had a bad sample or something and they had to redo it. I showed the letter to the ombudsman and she said she would definitely speak to the person who wrote it.
BTW, my son is fine. He’s 13, and I swear he grew two inches this past week.
Canthearya, I’m honored to be favorably compared to the father of a self-proclaimed Daddy’s Girl. One dream I have is that my daughter grows up to feel as you do.
ivylass, I’m glad your son is fine (and growing fast ~sympathetic grin~). Your story is a good parallel to mine. The training these people get regarding how to communicate delicate information is sporadic. From other posts here, it appears that Planned Parenthood and some other health professionals are trained quite well. Unfortunately there are far too many examples of cluelessness.
Jorel, Canthearya, and many others. I don’t know what to say beyond “thank you”. Your kind words bring a lump to my throat. There is always some self-doubt about whether or not we’re doing the right things and making the right decisions as a parent. Your positive reinforcement is wonderfully reassuring.
I’m glad it worked out too. And you folks sound wonderful, but as it turns out, she of course was telling you the truth from day one.
But a question. And this is with all due respect to you and your wife.
Will you be a little more relaxed (for lack of a better word) if in the future, something like this comes up.
I mean, if you ask her a question and she answers, and she doe not act like she is lying will you accept it and move on, or tear your hair out for a week?
Hell, I’m 40 and a father of two and I just learned some very dear lessons. Instead of them being at my children’s expense, I’ve learned them from you. It sounds like you both are great parents, and your children are lucky to have grown up with you.
Nevertheless, if he or she is 18, they are considered adults in the eyes of the law. I think they can make decisions for themselves without their parents snooping into their business. To do so would probably only make the situation worse anyway.
How do you spell relief? I-T-W-A-S-A-L-L-A-M-I-S-T-A-K-E. (for those non-USA Dopers, that is an allusion to a long running television commercial for a popular antacid). Relief was the primary emotion of course, but the following question is pertinent…
No lack of respect perceived. It’s a good question. The short answer is “accept it and move on”, but it is more complex. The first thing I ask myself is did we do the right thing in the right way? Overall I am content with the decisions we made and the manner in which we handled the situation.
However, it was (in hindsight) completely wrong to suspect Algernette of lying when she said she knew nothing about the caller or the message. So, why was her answer just not accepted at face value?
Certainly it wasn’t because she had proven herself to be dishonest. On the contrary, she has demonstrated the exact opposite. I think it was due to two things…
First, we had convinced ourselves that she was in trouble. It became our world view. When people are presented with data that doesn’t fit their world view, it is (almost unconsciously) discounted or ignored. I plead guilty.
Second, none of the alternative explanations that we could imagine seemed to fit the facts… the reticence of the caller to talk to the mother and the reason given for the call being to discuss “options”. I plead stupid.
Algernon - Speaking as a credit person, the caller is prohibited by law from giving anyone but the debtor (although I know you were responsible - obviously someone at the office dropped the ball) information about another person’s indebtedness. I know the message was neccessarily vague, but that was in keeping with the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act. I’m glad that it wasn’t anything serious.
