# Whats it like to have sex for the first time? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 25, 2002, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698 "2002-11-25T16:37:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/1 "2002-11-25T16:37:40Z")
Really really interested in the first time you have sex… I want to know as much as possible of what i’m supposed to do when I first have Sex.(Yes I know I have to wear a condom) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/2 "2002-11-25T16:43:32Z")
Seriously? There are a few good books out there, but for starters: 1. Take your time. Really. There’s no hurry, 2. Listen to your partner and see what she likes (assuming heterosexual encounter here). Then follow through on it. 3. You Lover comes First. Always a good rule. 4. Use your imagination, and try to let your inhibitions go. At least as far as you can. 5. Everyone’s personal experience is different. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/3 "2002-11-25T16:48:02Z")
Yeah, I am serious. I wanna make as good impression as possible. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/4 "2002-11-25T16:53:31Z")
I recommend reading books like **The Joy of Sex** and other reputable works that explain positions, sexual terms and practices, as well as techniques. I had read a great deal about technique before I lost my virginity, and my first partner thought that I was VERY experienced. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/5 "2002-11-25T16:54:45Z")
You didn’t say if this was a heterosexual encounter, but I’ll go ahead and answer as if it were. If the girl is a virgin, then it’s also generally painful for a few seconds as you break the hymen. Keep that in mind and don’t be too enthusiastic. Like **Cal** said, take your time. I’ve also heard (purely anecdotal here) that most men are, uh, quick their first time around, but I’m sure the men here will chime in to answer that. Remember that most women can’t have a vaginal orgasm. She probably needs clitoral stimulation. And if she’s a virgin, or relatively new to sex, she may still not be able to have an orgasm yet. Don’t take it personally if she can’t, but be willing to give it your best try. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/6 "2002-11-25T16:58:19Z")
Actually, my advice is to expect the first time to be terrible. If you place really high expectations on it, or build it up too much in advance, odds are it will be anyway. Read books, learn what to do, but also think of it like your first time down the ski slope: you’ll fall down and look silly, but it’s a necessary part of becoming an expert. Besides, this way if it’s really good, you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Pleasant surprise is always better than dashed hopes. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/7 "2002-11-25T17:13:48Z")
One word: Foreplay. It can make _all_ the difference. And you young male (I assume from the username) virgins tend to forget that… Good luck. FTR, it might take a bit to figure out. The guy I lost mine to was also a virgin. It took us about 20 minutes to figure out exactly what we were supposed to do. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/8 "2002-11-25T17:18:21Z")
Don’t read books. Repeat. Don’t read books. You may be able to learn how to build a rocket by reading books, but you can’t learn how to have sex reading a book. You learn about sex by talking to your partner, listening, caring, communicating, and letting nature take its course. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/9 "2002-11-25T17:25:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Don’t read books. Repeat. Don’t read books. You may be able to learn how to build a rocket by reading books, but you can’t learn how to have sex reading a book. > > You learn about sex by talking to your partner, listening, caring, communicating, and letting nature take its course. Beg to differ. I already spoke of the need to listen. But if there are things you don’t know, you can find them out from books. At the risk of being blasted by other Dopers, I suggest: **Sex: A User’s Manual** **Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex** Maybe **The Joy of Sex** **Our Bodies, Ourselves** Take all with a grain of salt. It’s easy to forget, but if you’ve never been down this road (or seen anyone of the opposite sex naked) it’s good to know where all the parts are and something about how they work. This will _not_ spoil the romance and spontenaiety. It will let you know what’s going on. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/10 "2002-11-25T17:31:06Z")
I’m with Giraffe. Don’t expect it to be the be all end all, movie romance, fireworks event. color my cynical, but that’s rarely the case. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/11 "2002-11-25T17:39:21Z")
my advice? some experiences are enhanced by the consumption of alcohol or other recreational drugs. sex, generally speaking, isn’t one of them. stay safe, stay sober, take it easy, go slow. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/12 "2002-11-25T17:57:22Z")
Thanx Irishgirl. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/13 "2002-11-25T21:42:07Z")
I don’t know. I skipped it and went straight to my second time. I suspect it’s a lot easier that way. ---
**Author:** ![caffeine\_overdose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85e7bf/32.png) [@caffeine\_overdose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caffeine_overdose)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/14 "2002-11-25T22:02:45Z")
I agree with Angel here. My limited experience has been that men cannot last as long as women so the woman needs some type of pre-stimulation. This also gets her wet so that you can go in without much resistance. Have fun be safe and remeber the customer service motto. An unhappy customer does not return ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/15 "2002-11-25T22:19:02Z")
Hmm… first sex: a bit squishy, awkward, altogether underwhelming. It gets better. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/16 "2002-11-25T22:28:24Z")
Whats it like for the men then? ---
**Author:** ![Fiddle\_Peghead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddle_peghead/32/3506_2.png) [@Fiddle\_Peghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiddle_Peghead)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/17 "2002-11-25T23:00:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*…color my cynical, but that’s rarely the case. \*\* I’d rather “color” your clitoris, but that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/18 "2002-11-25T23:05:00Z")
To not cynical: ZZoooooooom! ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/19 "2002-11-25T23:15:13Z")
First time for me was … underwhelming and very relieving? I’d been worried for a while that I might have a nervous breakdown or orgasm way before “expected” or that I might not be able to get up, but it was actually rather relaxing. Second time was about a minute after first (different position, no worries:)) Read books, yes, but understand that your partner is, unlike books, going to have specific desire and such. Some women like X thing and some are horrified by it, or it hurts, or something. Some women don’t experience any pain first time and for some it’s the first dozen or so times that it hurts. Communication is your friend. Oh, and it doesn’t actually smell like fish usually;) ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2002, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698/20 "2002-11-25T23:18:59Z")
Ryan, either pick a young woman that you have honest respect for or an older woman with lots of experience who is willing to teach you. It depends on the type of memory you want to have forever. And don’t expect too much of yourself. Let the woman know it’s your first time. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-it-like-to-have-sex-for-the-first-time/138698.md?page=2)