# What's more offensive - ''that's gay'' or ''that's retarded'' ? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 20, 2013, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439 "2013-03-20T12:37:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/1 "2013-03-20T12:37:15Z")
What’s more offensive - ‘‘that’s so gay’’ or ‘‘that’s so retarded’’ ? That is to say, using ‘‘gay’’ and ‘‘retarded’’ as synonyms for ‘‘stupid.’’ For the record, I hate both, and can’t decide which I dislike more. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/2 "2013-03-20T13:05:06Z")
I’d say that ‘that’s gay’ is more offensive if in reference to something idiotic, as it implies there’s something stupid about homosexuality, while it is actually true, if cruel to point out, that someone ‘retarded’ has a mental deficit. If something very camp is described as ‘gay’ then at least it is slightly more accurate, so less offensive (though IANAgay). ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/3 "2013-03-20T13:08:08Z")
I’m not gay, but I voted “gay” - and it’s clearly more offensive, IMO. Whether it’s nice or not, “retarded” _is_ clearly and unequivocally a negative trait, so using it as a pejorative at least makes sense. The same can’t be said about using “gay” as a pejorative. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/4 "2013-03-20T13:10:42Z")
I agree; I find “that’s gay” _much_ more offensive. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/5 "2013-03-20T13:24:58Z")
I also voted for “gay” as more offensive. People actually _are_ gay, it is an actual thing. Equating that with something negative is offensive. Retarded is an archaic word for an actual condition, but the meaning has changed. It no longer means “developmentally/intellectually disabled”, it now just means “stupid”. Language changes, and the terms for intellectual disability are particularly subject to the [euphemism treadmill](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euphemism_treadmill#Euphemism_treadmill). Maybe at first it was offensive, but it isn’t really considered offensive anymore, and soon will likely not be at all offensive. People will soon not even remember the original meaning, just as with “moron” and “idiot”. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/6 "2013-03-20T13:40:35Z")
It is gay that is far more offensive, and “that’s retarded” doesn’t bother me one bit. Why should it? “Retarded” has a meaning, it’s “slower than expected”. It can be used for a great many things, and I don’t call people retarded, ever. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/7 "2013-03-20T13:48:13Z")
It depends, are we talking about the new Liberace movie? ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/8 "2013-03-20T14:07:42Z")
I typically don’t get offended by terms like this, as it depends on context. To answer the question, though, I’d go with the former as being more offensive. “Gay” originally meant happy, and there is no direct relation between happiness and homosexuality, just as I don’t link “dumb” (as it’s often used now), to homosexuality. It’s adopted a more casual use, though I personally don’t go around saying it. Just the same, “retarded”, in most of my usage, means “delayed”…and I use the word quite a bit, especially with timing situations related to tuning/engineering. Sure, I’m aware of the mental link, but I don’t make an automatic association, without context. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/9 "2013-03-20T14:08:59Z")
Neither bothers me. I’ll avoid using them because I know others get upset but I don’t care if anyone else says it. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/10 "2013-03-20T14:33:01Z")
Using “gay” to express contempt for something is (more or less) a juvenile thing, isn’t it? Does anyone over thirty use it? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/11 "2013-03-20T14:37:40Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Using “gay” to express contempt for something is (more or less) a juvenile thing, isn’t it? Does anyone over thirty use it? Sure, but I only use it ironically. Like when Jack Bauer got a girlfriend, and he was all lovey-dovey with her. Dude, that’s so gay! Go blow some shit up already! ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/12 "2013-03-20T14:52:31Z")
> [@Staggerlee](#): > > I’d say that ‘that’s gay’ is more offensive if in reference to something idiotic, as it implies there’s something stupid about homosexuality, while it is actually true, if cruel to point out, that someone ‘retarded’ has a mental deficit. If something very camp is described as ‘gay’ then at least it is slightly more accurate, so less offensive (though IANAgay). > [@voltaire](#): > > I’m not gay, but I voted “gay” - and it’s clearly more offensive, IMO. > > Whether it’s nice or not, “retarded” _is_ clearly and unequivocally a negative trait, so using it as a pejorative at least makes sense. The same can’t be said about using “gay” as a pejorative. Yeah, what they and other said. Parallel: I’m a [psychiatric survivor](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychiatric_survivors_movement) and I can get up on my soapbox as fast as anyone can, but yeesh, it’s political correctness in the ridiculous zone to get offended if someone says “that’s crazy” to disparage an idea that’s, you know, crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/13 "2013-03-20T14:57:26Z")
Both are originally euphemisms. The difference is that “gay” is still used as a name for the group, while nobody calls the developmentally disabled “retarded” anymore. So I guess in 1975, they were equally offensive, but now “retarded” has lost (is losing?) its connection to the original people referenced. Gay hasn’t. Of course, that could just be my rationalization—I grew up calling stuff “retarded” and “lame,” without a thought to the disabled of any sort, so they sound normal. For some reason, I never heard “gay” or “queer” as insulting terms. I led a sheltered life. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/14 "2013-03-20T15:05:20Z")
Being gay is not a negative trait, while being retarded is. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/15 "2013-03-20T15:11:46Z")
Just wanted to post that I just saw that the term “mental retardation” is going to be replaced by “intellectual disability” within the Social Security disability program. I can see it now, “Sure, you have a disability, but you aren’t under a disability!” Anything to add yet more clarity to this already crystal clear process! :rolleyes: As to the OP, I think it is far more offensive to use “gay” interchangeably for “stupid”, seeing as one of the primary characteristics of mental retardation is low intellectual functioning. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/16 "2013-03-20T15:17:56Z")
I also say that “That’s so gay!” is the worst of the two. Using means you’re intentionally trying to slander a group of people, whereas the other typically just describes an action you disagree with and isn’t connected with anyone specific. I won’t use either, but the former makes me think less of the speaker if they trot it out. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/17 "2013-03-20T15:19:35Z")
Calling someone’s activities gay, “Oh, that’s so gay”, because they are excessively excited about a concert and are making jello shots for the pre-concert party in the lead singer’s favorite colors and being overly excited while doing it is perfectly acceptable. \<-- true story. I wasn’t implying the were sexually gay and casting a stereotype upon them. They were just GAY… with joy and excitement… to the point that is was sickening. ‘‘Retarded’’ is, seemingly, always wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/18 "2013-03-20T15:53:47Z")
Both are offensive, but I thought gay a little more so. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/19 "2013-03-20T15:56:32Z")
This poll is so gay. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439/20 "2013-03-20T16:01:12Z")
when i really want to get somebody’s goat i wait until after dark and steal their goat. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-more-offensive-thats-gay-or-thats-retarded/653439.md?page=2)