# What's Mother's Day Without Gardening? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 10, 2004, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445 "2004-05-10T13:38:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/21 "2004-05-11T01:34:56Z")
I only have ONE husband and that is far more than enough. When people ask me how many children I have, my pat is answer is three…an 11 yr old, 14 yr old, and a 40 yr old. 😛 I don’t think I could handle another husband. I was hoping that there would be leftovers from last nights wonderful dinner. Hubby made “Bistro Beef” which include crimini and portobello mushrooms, rosemary, coarse-grain brown mustard and red wine among the ingredients. Alas, there is only one steak left; hardly enough for four people. ☹ Now I have to figure out what I’m gonna cook. I guess I must be on the hell-express because we don’t go to church. I and my family are all fine, upstanding citizens, we just don’t go to church is all. **Bumba,** I think strawberries with nothing on them are great and I’m not on the Atkins diet. Who would want to ruin such a lovely, sweet berry with stuff on top? My kids eat them plain too. Even if I WANTED to do something with strawberries, they never last past the first day I bring them home. The kids eat most of them up. Well, I must figure out what to do about dinner. I didn’t take anything out of the freezer, so now I need to be creative. ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/22 "2004-05-11T07:50:17Z")
My weekend sucked rocks. ☹☹ Friday I had intended to take Mom to a lovely little Inn for tea and instead spent the day in the ER waiting room. Saturday I hacked away several weeks growth of lawn, getting sore and sunburned. Sunday I gave Mom a break by leaving her alone. And Monday night the [Castle](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=255575) burned to the ground. Somebody cheer me up, pretty please? ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/23 "2004-05-11T13:02:41Z")
**Dwyr** , there’s always next year…stiff upper lip and all that. And what’s so great about having **two husbands?** I’ve done that. Course I dumped the first one when he started consorting with BoBo the Bimbo Barmaid. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/24 "2004-05-11T13:59:09Z")
Oh no, **Dwyr**! The ER? Nothing happened that couldn’t be easily mended, I hope. You know what I just learned? One of the plants the Little Woman planted is a _Saliva_ plant. How gross is that? And last night Lucy proved how “Lucy Resistant” the dog fence is. See, she wanted _OUT_, but I wanted her _IN_. So she jumped _OVER_. You know how on TV when a dog makes a Mighty Leap, it’s all graceful and stuff? Lucy isn’t a TV dog. She gave, like, twenty of those “starter jumps” where she brought her front legs off the ground, but really didn’t jump. Over and over she half jumped and then finally she _threw_ herself up the fence and grabbed the top and scrambled her back legs til she caught the lattice and then _flung_ herself over the top and twisted in midair so she didn’t get hung up in the bush on the other side of the fence. Not really an inspiring effort. But she got over. And the whole time she was muttering to herself: “No cage can hold me! Lousy screws throwing me in stir! Why, I’ll show those dirty rats! Yeah! Yeah! See?” and when she was precariously ballanced on the top of the fence she yelled “Top of the world, Ma!” just before she face-planted on the other side. I grabbed her and threw her back over the fence where she was supposed to be. She didn’t think that was very fair. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/25 "2004-05-11T14:05:01Z")
**Rue** , are you sure you don’t mean Salvia?? 😉 So, how ya gonna keep Lucy in the pen? We tried the electric wire perimeter to keep our beasties in the yard, but the stoopid dalmatian still escaped. Lucky for us, our other dog is more like a semi-animated throw rug, so going over the fence isn’t an option to her. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/26 "2004-05-11T14:15:39Z")
The good news is Lucy won’t (yet) jump our Main Fence. (She’ll bust through a hole the bunnies make though.) The dog fence is just to keep her contained while she “does her business”. As far as it goes the dog fence is a success. When there’s something going on in the Main Yard, she has to join in, so her Great Escape isn’t too unexpected. At least she didn’t burrow out where I put in the blocks under the gate. That would have been irksome. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/27 "2004-05-11T14:36:13Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > Lucy isn’t a TV dog. She gave, like, twenty of those “starter jumps” where she brought her front legs off the ground, but really didn’t jump. Isn’t that pretty much what JRTs do all the time? I’m looking for a stand alone pneumatic driven rivet press. Anybody got a spare one? Apparently I can’t go to rivetpressdotcom and just find one. See, the internet is really useless sometimes. [mini rant] I’m gonna find something to hurt the next person who walks in my office and asks me a **STUPID ASS QUESTION!!!** Normally sweet and even-tempered ol’ swampy is gettin’ kinda **FED UP WITH THIS STUFF!!!** Don’t come in here asking questions about stuff you know **DAMN WELL** how to handle just to **AVOID DOING IT!!!** Just **DO IT ALREADY!!!** [/mini rant] -swampbear (I feel a lot better now) ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/28 "2004-05-11T14:39:57Z")
Awwwww, {{{{{{{{ **swampy** }}}}}}}} needs a hug… ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/29 "2004-05-11T14:44:03Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Awwwww, {{{{{{{{ **swampy** }}}}}}}} needs a hug… Thanks for the hug **FCM**. Now if i just had an uzi or a cattle prod… :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/30 "2004-05-11T14:50:34Z")
The starter jumps, bark, sniff things, lick things, eat things off the kitchen floor. Jacks are all-around fabulous dogs **Swampy**. You should get one. You could name him Ramone. ---
**Author:** ![earthpuppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@earthpuppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/earthpuppy)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/31 "2004-05-11T14:52:02Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > I’m looking for a stand alone pneumatic driven rivet press. Anybody got a spare one? Apparently I can’t go to rivetpressdotcom and just find one. See, the internet is really useless sometimes. did you try [here](http://www.thomasregisterdirectory.com/fasteners/pneumatic_riveters_0037000_1.html), seems like they have a lot to choose from. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/32 "2004-05-11T15:16:30Z")
This just proves that nobody here pays attention to my posts. I wrote this whole long explanation about how I ended up with four husbands, and nobody paid any attention to it. And now it’s “Oh, we didn’t know about you having multiple husbands- how did that happen?” Hmmph. I’m trying to find the post. After ten minutes of searching, I can’t. I have legally-married-husband, husband-with-car-who-comes-over-all-the-time-and-eats-our-food-and-takes-me-grocery-shopping (so he’s basically my husband, right?), second best man at the wedding who kept hugging us and saying, “Isn’t it great we’ll all be together forever now?”, and one of Driving Husband’s friends, who came over and _voluntarily did the dishes for me_! So I proposed. Driving Husband (whose name is Rowan) and Mr. Lissar now call me **The Wife**. I assume it’s an affectionate nickname. If it’s not they’re both in trouble. I am perfectly willing to ship out any of my husbands except for Mr. Lissar, as all of them (except for Mr. Lissar) are single and very nice guys (Mr. Lissar is a nice guy but not single). **Kallessa** , are you interested in taking a 22-year-old goth Mennonite in teacher’s college off my hands? He’s very tall. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/33 "2004-05-11T15:21:01Z")
> [@earthpuppy](#): > > did you try [here](http://www.thomasregisterdirectory.com/fasteners/pneumatic_riveters_0037000_1.html), seems like they have a lot to choose from. Thanks **earthpuppy**. The Thomas Register and me are old friends. Your one stop source for weirdly strange industrial equipment and such. That’d be a good company logo for em don’t ya think? 😃 Now… I’m going to lunch. When I get back… things **WILL** be better at work or… :eek: swampy gets mean! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/34 "2004-05-11T15:24:10Z")
Slogan, I mean. Not logo. Slogan. Slogan. Slogan. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/35 "2004-05-11T15:45:44Z")
Methinks after the day he’s having at work - **Swampy** needs some scantily clad burly men to feed him grapes and serve him alcoholic beverages poolside! Is there a wwwdotburlymenforleasedotcom kind of place? We could order some? ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/36 "2004-05-11T16:00:33Z")
See, I post another explanation and nobody pays attention! :sulk: Incidentally, the phrase “four chickens in a sulk” is wonderful. It’s from the novel I’m reading to Mr. Lissar, _Spindle’s End_, Robin McKinley. Sulky chickens are inherently funny. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/37 "2004-05-11T16:06:23Z")
**Lissla** , I remember when you first told that story. I didn’t remember the details, but I remembered it in general. :: mwah! :: ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/38 "2004-05-11T16:09:34Z")
**Lissla** , _I_ pay attention to you. I may not always respond, but I pay attention. And if I was in the market for a mennonite goth, you’d be on the top of my go-to list. Really!! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/39 "2004-05-11T16:32:27Z")
> [@tanookie](#): > > Methinks after the day he’s having at work - > > **Swampy** needs some scantily clad burly men to feed him grapes and serve him alcoholic beverages poolside! > > Is there a wwwdotburlymenforleasedotcom kind of place? We could order some? Well, I do have a date tonight. He is burly. At some point he will be err… umm… \*cough unclad \*cough. He’ll probably give me a beer. It’s supposed to rain later this afternoon, so no poolside but that’s ok cause I’m going to the burly man’s house. He’ll make it all better for me I’m sure. 😃 **Rue** could I get a JRT and name him Hugo instead? **Lissla** somehow I just can’t get a mental image of a Mennonite Goth. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2004, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445/40 "2004-05-11T16:42:50Z")
I smell all limey. You might wonder how it is that a manly-man such as myself would incongruously be smelling like limes. Well, as is so often the case, it is the result of a number (2) of seemingly unrelated facts. 1). My wife is allergic to perfume. This has resulted n our using only relative scent-free products like Pure-n-natural soap. 2). There once was a young man in the San Francisco bay area who made a lot of money in media advertising but was bored, so he had hobbies, one of which was making home-made soaps. One day he decided to do it as a business, and moved to our little town to set up shop, hoping to clean up in the soap business. _Hee!_ I kill me. He sells about 50 different flavors. (scents?, smells?) One morning as I was about to begin my morning libations (take a shower) I noticed, where the sliver of Pure-n-Natural used to be, a slab of yellow stuff a little bigger than a deck of Bicycle playing cards (accept no substitute). On the side of said object was stamped “Lemongrass”. After ascertaining that it was indeed soap, I took the path of least resistance. All that day I kept getting little whiffs of lemony fragrance, and I liked it. Today the soap was lime oatmeal. The oatmeal is a defoliant, or whatever. I’ve also noticed that I’m not as itchy since I switched, so I’m gonna keep using the stuff. And anybody who thinks that makes me a girly man can kiss my deliciously lime scented ass. For **dwyr** : I’m sorry you’re feeling down pal. Maybe this will cheer you up: **sings** \*Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia? Lydia The Tattooed Lady. She has eyes that folks adore so, and a torso even more so. Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia. Oh Lydia The Queen of Tattoo. On her back is The Battle of Waterloo. Beside it, The Wreck of the Hesperus too. And proudly above waves the red, white, and blue. You can learn a lot from Lydia! \* - Music by Harold Arlen. Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-mothers-day-without-gardening/244445.md?page=3)