# What's sexier: innocence or experience? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 12, 2005, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111 "2005-07-12T02:53:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/41 "2005-07-12T15:18:53Z")
Well, **Quickie** , if \*you \* were to go first, we’d know if they sink or swim. Since I’m fairly sure you’re _not_. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/42 "2005-07-12T15:34:53Z")
I would, but I just ate. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/43 "2005-07-12T15:38:36Z")
Well, I would say experience 99% of the time, but taking a virgin is such a thrill for us egomaniacs. I know the one I had will never ever forget me. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/44 "2005-07-12T15:44:34Z")
Inexperience. I don’t want to feel inadequate. Besides, I’d have a seriously hard time trusting someone who slept around a lot before meeting me. If she did then, why would she be faithful to me now? No, I’m a one-woman man (and believe me, I wouldn’t want more than one anyway!) and I expect the same. Besides, sex isn’t all that important. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/45 "2005-07-12T15:48:11Z")
> [@smiling bandit](#): > > Besides, I’d have a seriously hard time trusting someone who slept around a lot before meeting me. If she did then, why would she be faithful to me now? No, I’m a one-woman man (and believe me, I wouldn’t want more than one anyway!) and I expect the same. :dubious: “Sleeping around” is not equivalant to cheating, you know. > [@smiling bandit](#): > > Besides, sex isn’t all that important. Erk…_falls over dead_. 🙂 > [@Quicksilver](#): > > I would, but I just ate. Chicken. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/46 "2005-07-12T15:50:37Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > I know the one I had will never ever forget me. 🆒 Why not? Did you leave a scar? ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/47 "2005-07-12T15:58:41Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Why not? Did you leave a scar? Possibly. 😃 You never forget your first… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/48 "2005-07-12T16:00:23Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Possibly. 😃 Good answer! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/49 "2005-07-12T16:05:10Z")
I’d take a virgin who has the desire to be experienced. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/50 "2005-07-12T16:14:03Z")
I agree with **Snowboarder Bo** about enthusiam, but I’ll add “open-mindedness” to it. If a guy is enthusiastic _and_ open-minded – and, you know, interested – I’m all over him. I lean toward preferring experience, but only because I find that guys with some experience are more likely to be sexually open-minded: they’ve tried a few things, they know a couple of things that definitely work (and don’t work) for them, and they have ideas about stuff they’d like to try. I also prefer men who can talk about sex candidly, but unfortunately there’s no predictor for that. 😉 Experience is definitely no guarantee of open-mindedness, but given the choice between two guys and all I know is that one’s a virgin and the other is not, I’ll pick “not.” I find that the _kind_ of experience makes a difference, too: nothing’s worse than managing to pick up a total hottie only to find that he sucks in bed because he’s never slept with the same woman twice. Women never bother to “instruct” one-night-stands (at least, I don’t), and I’ve encountered lots of great-looking guys who didn’t know dick – pardon the pun – because they never had to learn what they were doing. Realizing that even the best-looking guy in the place might completely suck in bed makes it a lot easier to not make an idiot of myself if/when he talks to me. 😃 Again, experience is no guarantee of performance, but if I know that Guy A has slept with just one woman but it was his girlfriend of X years, while Guy B has picked up a different woman every weekend for the same number of years, I’ll pick “A.” ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/51 "2005-07-12T16:49:51Z")
Jaded experience is no good. But neither is innocence when the innocent is unwilling to learn. I’d take the happy medium. The one with the turban and crystal ball right over there. Yeah, her. So, an open-minded innocent with boat loads of enthusiam would be fine. Or an experienced hand who knows how to enjoy themselves and still wants to learn. ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/52 "2005-07-12T17:27:11Z")
If I haven’t slept with a woman, then innocence is definitely sexier. However, if I have slept with a woman, then experience wins, no contest. Yes, that all makes perfect sense in my mind. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/53 "2005-07-12T17:32:14Z")
Personally I wouldn’t find either an “experienced” lover or a virgin particularly sexy. Can we pretend they’re identical triplets, and I’ll have (in the parallel world where I’m single) the Gael Garcia Bernal lookalike who’s only had two girlfriends…neither of whom were particularly open-minded? That way I get someone who knows the basics, but is anxious to learn and do more. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/54 "2005-07-12T17:57:47Z")
Umm…could I have one of each, please. Wrap them to go, if you don’t mind. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/55 "2005-07-12T18:10:33Z")
> [@gfloyd](#): > > I will never understand innocence as a turn on. I guess I’d have to ask which twin is more open-minded — not _that_ way, you perverts! It would be better to be w/ a virgin who has read _The Joy of Sex_ than with an experienced person who won’t even try putting the condom on for you. On a related note, in the book _Same Difference_ the authors discuss the idea that human men are designed to like the young 'uns; i.e., sexually mature if not yet old enough to buy alcohol in the States. They remark that primatologists are perplexed by this because in many primate species (IIRC, about half) the most desirable females are fully adult w/ a couple kids. _::goes off to google ‘MILF’::_ ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/56 "2005-07-12T19:21:12Z")
I think there’s more of an emotional attraction with a virgin. With an experienced woman you might wonder whether the sex means anything or if it’s just another notch on the bedpost. If a virgin says she wants to have sex, you know she must feel something special for you. That said, as others have written, sex with an experienced partner is more likely to be physically better. ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/57 "2005-07-12T20:12:09Z")
In terms of actually having a relationship, from my personal experience, it works much better with an experienced partner. My current boyfriend and I entered into our relationship with the knowledge that neither of us wanted to play mind games or the like, which was one of my issues with my last boyfriend, who’s not just relationship, but also life experience, could fit into a thimble. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/58 "2005-07-12T20:22:23Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > If a virgin says she wants to have sex, you know she must feel something special for you. Not necesarily. It could be many things, naively thinking it’s the next step, or just wanting to lose their virginity, or just plain old horniness. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/59 "2005-07-12T21:04:39Z")
Experience all the way. I’m no longer insecure about what I don’t know. In fact, I’d rather be completely honest and open about what I don’t know, because that creates the opportunity to _learn it._ Oh, and re **Zebra** ’s question, I don’t want to get pooed on either, but for Carla Gugino, I’d consider making an exception. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111/60 "2005-07-12T21:07:47Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Not necesarily. It could be many things, naively thinking it’s the next step, or just wanting to lose their virginity, or just plain old horniness. What she said. If the feeling is, “I just want to get this over with,” I hope they don’t let me know that, though. Lie to me. Tell me I’m special. ::sniff:: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-sexier-innocence-or-experience/312111.md?page=4)