# What's so bad about sex? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 28, 2003, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414 "2003-07-28T12:10:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/41 "2003-07-29T07:32:29Z")
> [@](#): > > My parents are EXACTLY like this. > > Last week, me and my gf (I’m 17, she’s 16) were in my room, cuddled up on the bed watching TV. > > My mum walks in and asks if I have anything that needs washed… i pass her a tshirt that needs washing. She leaves. > > Pretty innocent yes/no? > > Later when my gf has gone home, both my rents sit me down and tell me never to take her into 7my bedroom again cos we’re “both young” and they’d be extremely angry if it happens again. > > WE WERE WATCHING THE TV!!! > > _sighs_ It takes all kinds. To drive you nuts, that is. As of Wednesday, my girlfriend and I will have been together for 9 months (mwah!). At school, we spend nearly every night together. On the couple of occasions she’s visited my house, she and I have slept together, on mattresses or a large couch, with the full knowledge of my parents. I’d say full consent, but I didn’t ask for their permission, I just told them what we were going to do. But they don’t have a problem with the arrangement anyway. On the other hand, her family gathered at a hotel a few weeks ago, and I went up to meet them. She got something of a lecture after spending the night in my room. Her parents - or her mother, anyway - want us to wait until we get married even though they KNOW they’re more than a little late, and that even if they weren’t, they are absolutely out of the loop once we’re back at school. (Side note: her parents did not wait until they were married, and her mom, when asked, said she didn’t want to rush us into anything. So she apparently expects us to wait out a long dating and engagement period when we haven’t waited at all so far. Yuh-huh, that’s gonna happen. ;)) They’re really nice people, but the approach manages to be futile, unreasonable and annoying all at the same time. :smack: Of course, at the hotel, we spent the remaining two nights together as well. She just got an early wake-up call and went back to her room before her parents would be up. I have no idea if her parents really think we stopped sleeping together because they said so, or if they’re working in an “out of sight, out of mind” style. I suppose this is the most natural arrangement given the attitude of everyone concerned. 😛 And of course, _I_ know that _they_ know we’re sleeping together and don’t approve. Which makes me feel just GREAT. And odds are that _they_ know that _I_ know how _they_ feel, and that I will continue to disregard their views on the subject because it’s _my_ life, damn it. So I’m concerned that there’s some unnecessary judging going on here that, even if it remains unspoken, as I suspect it will. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/42 "2003-07-29T14:31:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SanibelMan \* > \*\*What are you talking about? Cars were so much bigger back then. My dad’s got a '57 Chevy and you could raise a family in there, much less get laid. 😉 \*\* Apparently I’m not as old as you are. I was a teen in the post gas crisis 70’s and the era of the sub-copmpact was upon us. Thank God teens are still pretty limber. ---
**Author:** ![troub](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troub/32/14802_2.png) [@troub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troub)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/43 "2003-07-29T15:22:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zebra \* > \*\*Apparently I’m not as old as you are. I was a teen in the post gas crisis 70’s and the era of the sub-copmpact was upon us. > > Thank God teens are still pretty limber. \*\* I was fairly limber, but I could still tell you from experience that nothing ruins a good moment like a searing leg cramp. I may have been limber, but _way_ too tall to be trying any horizontal maneuvers in the backseat of a compact car. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/44 "2003-07-29T15:29:27Z")
Coldfire, I think that if teens don’t know about something, they aren’t as likely to try it. Like that DARE program, they educate kids about drugs. Fact of the matter is, alot of kids didn’t know about drugs before & once they do they now apply their immature judgement to whether they should use them or not even if they are told not too. Interesting, a lot of deaf teens I knew don’t get sexual education & don’t have sex. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. " I didn’t realise that the age of consent over there is so high! I guess I had just assumed it was the same as it is here in England, - 16. " High? NH, usa, last time I looked has a age of consent three years younger than yours, with permissions, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/45 "2003-07-29T15:30:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dougie\_monty \* > \*\*Granted this is an old cliche, but when my teenagers are under my roof they’ll follow my rules or get out. It’s as simple as that. > Dougie\_monty \*\* Betcha a cookie they won’t :). My dad tried this when I was a teenager; I shrugged and modified my original plans just enough so that he wouldn’t find out about them. When **you** were a teenager, did you always follow your parents’ rules? You gotta choose your battles. More importantly, you gotta choose whether you’re willing to accept a Pyrrhic victory. It’s difficult but possible to kick a rebellious teenager out of the house; it’s damn near impossible to mend the relationship afterwards. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![lammfile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@lammfile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lammfile)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/46 "2003-07-29T15:53:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kunilou \* > \*\*As for the other two risks, I hope you agree that there is much less risk in a long-term monogamous relationship. > \*\* You’re less likely to get pregnant if you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship? Did not know that… ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/47 "2003-07-29T16:01:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by troub \* > \*\*I was fairly limber, but I could still tell you from experience that nothing ruins a good moment like a searing leg cramp. \*\* A friend of mine from high school might argue that having a cop shine his flashlight in the window when your boyfriend’s bare ass is pressed against the windshield ruins the moment pretty effectively… ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/48 "2003-07-29T16:07:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > \*\*High? NH, usa, last time I looked has a age of consent three years younger than yours, with permissions, of course. \*\* I was refering to states where the age of consent is 18. From what I’ve heard, it varies from state to state. ---
**Author:** ![lammfile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@lammfile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lammfile)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/49 "2003-07-29T16:21:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoe \* > \*\*[hijack] Hey, I’ve been to Malmo![/hijack] > > On the evening news several years ago, there was a report of birth control that could be administered through a nasal spray. The next day one of my students asked me if I knew that women could get pregnant through their noses. _sigh_ > > Having good sex education classes doesn’t mean that we can’t try to encourage waiting. And ignorance can be disasterous. > > I think the age of consent in my state is 16. That may vary from state to state – I’m not sure. \*\* Congratulation on the choice to visit my fine home town. Anyway. I find it utterly amazing that someone can be this damn ignorant! (the girl with the nasal spray). Do youu really have education about sex in the schools in the US? Because Oh my god. ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/50 "2003-07-29T16:37:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lammfile \* > \*\*Congratulation on the choice to visit my fine home town. > > Anyway. I find it utterly amazing that someone can be this damn ignorant! (the girl with the nasal spray). Do youu really have education about sex in the schools in the US? Because Oh my god. \*\* There are stupid people everywhere. Do not be suprised at the stupid people. Personally, I find it amaizing that people can’t figure out what a virologist does simply from the word. Or that anti-biotics don’t work on viruses. I mean it’s really basic thinking there. But meh ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/51 "2003-07-29T16:44:14Z")
Could lead to dancing. ---
**Author:** ![lammfile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@lammfile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lammfile)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/52 "2003-07-29T17:07:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CRorex \* > \*\*There are stupid people everywhere. > > Do not be suprised at the stupid people. > Personally, I find it amaizing that people can’t figure out what a virologist does simply from the word. Or that anti-biotics don’t work on viruses. > > I mean it’s really basic thinking there. But meh \*\* I’m with you. I’ve pretty much stopped marvelling at stupidity and ignorance. As a matter of fact I’ve reached the conclusion that about 90% of people are idiots, I just stopped saying it because people started thinking I was elitist. Which I guess I am. But whatever. I’m used to being the smartest one in a group. Something I experienced a lot during my year as an exchange student. Sorry, but it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/53 "2003-07-29T18:31:44Z")
> [@](#): > > Coldfire, I think that if teens don’t know about something, they aren’t as likely to try it. Like that DARE program, they educate kids about drugs. Fact of the matter is, alot of kids didn’t know about drugs before & once they do they now apply their immature judgement to whether they should use them or not even if they are told not too. **handy** , you don’t seriously think kids wouldn’t do drugs if not for DARE, do you? The reason DARE exists is _because_ of kids doing drugs. Well, okay, it’s politics, but still. The program - like the war on drugs itself - is widely considered a failure and a waste of resources, but I’m pretty sure drug abuse is down among kids. > [@](#): > > Interesting, a lot of deaf teens I knew don’t get sexual education & don’t have sex. This strikes me as a little _post hoc_. I had sex in fifth, sixth, seventh, and tenth grade, and still didn’t have sex as a teen. > [@](#): > > A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Well, there it is. My least favorite saying in the world. And who’d have thought I’d hear it on the Straight Dope message board? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![iwire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a87d85/32.png) [@iwire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iwire)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/54 "2003-07-29T18:47:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > **Interesting, a lot of deaf teens I knew don’t get sexual education & don’t have sex.** I do not want this to be taken wrong but do these teens have as much social interaction as non deaf teens? My WAG is probably not. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > \*\*A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. \*\* That comment scares me. So it is your belief that if I never talk to my daughters about sex, they will not want to experiment with their bodies? I would need to lock them in a dungeon to keep the outside world from giving them some idea why boys and girls are different. No media whatsoever, no contact with others around their age. Seems to me like a worse situation then them getting laid and enjoying it. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/55 "2003-07-29T18:59:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Coldfire, I think that if teens don’t know about something, they aren’t as likely to try it. Like that DARE program, they educate kids about drugs… Well, yes, if what you mean by “educate” is “disseminate alarmist, puritanical, and often inaccurate propaganda.” No wonder the DARE program is counterproductive; when kids observe that much of what they are told in the classroom conflicts with their own experience, they start to wonder if ANY of it is true. I think teenagers would be much better served by honesty, but since this would require the schools to admit that one _can_ drink alcohol, have extramarital sex and, yes, smoke marijuana responsibly, I’m not holding my breath. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/56 "2003-07-29T19:56:49Z")
I dislike how this debate seems always to fall into the extremes of “teen sex now” vs. “waiting til marriage”. There is a substantial midle ground. I think that, by and large, it is better to delay the onset of sexual activity–most particularly sexual intercourse–beyond the time when it first starts to seem like a good idea to the people involved. I think this holds up to about the same degree as the sentiment that, by and large, it is a good idea to delay marriage past the point where it first seems like a good idea. In both cases, there are many, many individual incidents where people don’t wait and things work out fine. However, in both cases it seems to me that the risk of things going horribly wrong outweighs the benefits of acting quickly, and that it is a smart policy to generally encourage young people to first wait a while before becoming sexually active and, again, to wait awhile before getting married. Again, in both cases there are many individual stories that shift the risk/benefit equation, and far be it from me to judge some other couple’s deicison. These are some factors that I think need to be taken into account. 1. Pregnancy. This cannot be dismissed casually with the magic of birth control. Birth control is not and will not be fail safe as long as human error is a potential element. This is especially true with teenagers, who sometimes have really, really weird reasoning processes that no amount of formal education can dislodge. Fifty years ago there were jobs out there for people with high school diplomas that were capable of supporting a small family in an adequate–if far from comfortable–lifestyle. These days those jobs are few and far between, expecially for people who have no apptitude for tough physical labor, no family connections, and/or can’t go into the military. Two 16 year old parents often have no way to support a baby in the forseeable future–even if they are willing to give up college and go straight to work, the option isn’t there. Sexual intercourse should be delayed until a possible prgnancy goes from “this is the end of the world, I feel like killing myself” to “This is really, really bad timing, oh shit ih shit oh shit”, at the very least. Second, I deeply and truely believe that sexual independence is a critical component in a well-developed person. Not to put to fine a point on it, everyone should be confident that they can comfortably take care of their own sexual needs. People who lack this confidence–and there are many–always have to chose their partners from the small selection that is around the week they are looking, because they can’t wait. Within a relationship, they feel trapped, becaseu to be complete they need something only another person can give. For many, many reasons–from libido to self-reassurance–many people don’t believe they can live without sex, and this traps them. It’s good for the soul to learn the hard way that being celibate isn’t the end of the world. Again, there are many cases where people have sex early, and it dosen’t hurt them at all. And certainly, it’s a good idea to teach kids about sex and about what they need to know if they are going to have sex. However, I think it is wise for a parent to counsel a child to delay the onset of having sex at least until they reach the age of legal adulthood. ---
**Author:** ![Algorithm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/algorithm/32/12204_2.png) [@Algorithm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algorithm)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/57 "2003-07-29T20:10:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > **I think that if teens don’t know about something, they aren’t as likely to try it. Like that DARE program, they educate kids about drugs.** I wasn’t aware that marijuana got you high, or that cigarettes gave you a buzz. I tried them anyway, and learned from experience. DARE taught me that some of the reasons people do drugs or smoke are peer pressure and sex appeal. They never mentioned getting high. I went through sex ed about 6 times in grade school, and considered myself very well informed. I knew that sex would give you an orgasm (hopefully). I tried that, too, but learned well before the experience. ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_of\_Sandwhich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/91b2a8/32.png) [@Earl\_of\_Sandwhich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_of_Sandwhich)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/58 "2003-07-30T03:26:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > \*\* > > Interesting, a lot of deaf teens I knew don’t get sexual education & don’t have sex. > > A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. > > \*\* Due to the ignorance you seem to think of as a good thing, the deaf may be at a higher risk for HIV. Link:www.youthresource.com/community/deaf/hiv A little knowledge can save your life. As for sex education encouragong young people to “do it,” I have my doubts. I can remember two movies my sixth grade class watched. One featured a talking gohnorreah bacterium (I don’t remember whether it was muppet-like or animated), and another had a quasi-law enforcement body called the Puberty Patrol rounding up kids just as the K.G.B. rounded up dissidents (it really isn’t a bad metaphor). It’s a miracle I was even able to think about sex after those experiences. ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_of\_Sandwhich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/91b2a8/32.png) [@Earl\_of\_Sandwhich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_of_Sandwhich)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/59 "2003-07-30T03:35:23Z")
That link seems not to have worked. Here is another that might work:www.apa.org.monitor/oct98/hiv.html ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_of\_Sandwhich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/91b2a8/32.png) [@Earl\_of\_Sandwhich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_of_Sandwhich)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414/60 "2003-07-30T03:41:49Z")
Maybe the third time will be a charm:www.apa.org/monitor/oct98/hiv.html [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-bad-about-sex/191414.md?page=4)