# What's so Hard about being Easy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 27, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541 "2003-04-27T22:01:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/1 "2003-04-27T22:01:55Z")
Recently, a friend (I think) accused me, teasingly (I think), of being easy. I think she actually meant easy to manipulate, but the fact is, unless you count setting off my temper, I’m one of the most difficult people to manipulate, without my consent, that you will ever meet. I can’t be “spun”, and I don’t capitulate to emotional blackmail. And, whipped is a term that may apply to cream, but not to me. But, that’s not to say I’m not willing to accomodate my friends or lovers. So, the comment has been bouncing around in the cluttered back rooms of my mind, trying to find a place to call home, long enough to have taken on some life of its own, and mutated. And, that’s pretty much where the point of this thread comes in. Because being “easy” has other connotations; primarily, it means “easy to get in bed”. Well, I _am_ a guy. Try to find one who _isn’t_ easy to get in bed, if you’re the right gender and not overly gruesome. But, there’s also the implication that the person in question does not “play hard to get”. And, on this one, I readily plead guilty. Personally, I just don’t see the point. I know, some people say that you won’t be properly appreciated, if you don’t. I don’t buy that. Even in a casual dating or pickup scene, how much more appreciated do you need to feel? The guy/girl wants to boff you. Sounds pretty appreciative to me, unless you’re under the impression you were their last choice? (Okay, so you could have been, if it’s closing time at the bar.) Maybe it enhances the “thrill of the chase”, for the pursuer, but I’ve always been one to “fish where the fishing is good”. If I don’t get a nibble, I’ll move on to the next promising looking spot. So, if I’ve already decided someone is a likely prospect, and they show interest, I’m not about to blow it by playing some silly game. I want you? You want me? Works for me; let’s go. The other thing is, I trust my instincts. So far, they’ve only let me down once. They’ve even led me to at least one woman (and, possibly two) who could be considered a soulmate for me. (Unfortunately, circumstances prevented a real relationship, in both cases.) And aside from my first wife, I’ve never dated a woman that was wrong for me. I’m not talking about pickups, here. There have been cases where I’ve picked up, or been picked up by ;), a woman I knew I had no future with. But, I knew that, going in, and that isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, I’ve never been on a truly horrendous date (_knock on wood_). I guess you could say I’ve been lucky, but I think it has more to do with being a good judge of people. And, it seems to work, for me. So, aside from the chance that I may be “spoken for” when the next soulmate comes along, why should I play hard to get? What do you folks think? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/2 "2003-04-27T22:15:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Even in a casual dating or pickup scene, how much more appreciated do you need to feel? The guy/girl wants to boff you. Sounds pretty appreciative to me, unless you’re under the impression you were their last choice? I don’t feel so appreciated when a guy wants to screw me. Like Chris Rock said, every single guy a girl ever meets from the age of around 14 on wants to screw her. I’m fairly certain that I could ask any single guy I know to sleep with me and he’d say yes. It’s not because I’m just that darn spectacular or anything, _any_ girl could do this. It’s because I have a vagina and I’m over 18. Guys want to hump everything that has a vagina and is over 18. ---
**Author:** ![Shana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Shana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shana)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/3 "2003-04-27T22:27:23Z")
Hmm, well, I think understand what you’re asking Davebear, but then, I haven’t had my required 5 cups of coffee today - only two. I think what you’re asking is, “Why play head games?” I don’t play head games. I try to be honest with people. I’m married now, but when I was single I tried to represent myself as I truly was - to the best of my ablity. Now, as for “playing hard to get”, that seems to be something entirely different for me - but maybe this is just my perception. I think that as a woman I don’t like to be too accomodating initially until I know what or rather, whom I am dealing with. It’s not that I would say, “Oh no, I’m busy. Sorry. I can’t go with you that night.” if I really could go. That would be silly…However, I do think it’s good to let a person know right off the bat that you’re not to be trifled with. For instance, I would not sleep with someone on the first date - and maybe not even on the 4th date. I would sleep with them when and if I was ready. I was pretty upfront about that. One guy told me, “Ohhh you’re just playing hard to get.” and I said, “No, I’m not playing. I am hard to get.” Ok, that makes me sound really bitchy I guess. (Shana leaves to make coffee…) ---
**Author:** ![Honeydew\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e19b73/32.png) [@Honeydew\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honeydew_1)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/4 "2003-04-27T22:41:01Z")
I don’t agree that guys will sleep with any girl. Unless maybe I am gruesome lol… I know I am easy to wind up … I am too trusting and people can say stuff that I take as truth and then find out they are joking just to annoy me… when its done right, it’s funny… when it done with malice in mind, then I’m pretty ruthless. I know I’m not sexually easy… and never was. I haven’t been as lucky with my choice of guys as Dave has been with his girlfriends… perhaps going back to my too trusting nature. But I’d rather be trusting than a total cynic… I don’t mind one night stands as long as BOTH parties are aware thats whats happening - unfortunately, I don’t think that happens too often. Things are said by both or either party to entice the other side… (in my experience by guys to girls) - sometimes people get hurt by that. I don’t think they (one night stands) are good then. But if you’re aware that you’re both horny and want it and thats it - then that cool by me (of course, assuming safe sex!!!) I’m not easy to manipulate I don’t think … but it has been done (once by an ex - the f\*\*ker) mostly by those who I’ve let into my life in a serious way and who then have the power to hurt me badly. So far it’s really only happened twice… I think after 35 years thats not too bad. I don’t appreciate emotional blackmail either… I will put up with a small level of it before I get pissed off and tell the person to go flush their heads… when someone pisses me off, its not pretty. Hmmmmmm can’t think of any other “easy’s” lol… does that help **Davebear**?? ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/5 "2003-04-27T22:44:07Z")
This is not going to be as cohesive a reply as I would have hoped for 🙂 Guys are easier than girls in a VERY general sense. For pretty much the reason Meanoldlady said… We have this double standard where guys can be obvious about what they want physically from a woman but the reverse makes the woman a (insert your own derogatory term here) Also men and women do have different styles of communication. I’ve had more than a few people who only “know” me online insist that I’m a male playing a female because of how I “talk.” (This mostly happens when mudding not message boarding) I’m a conversational bully. I also think people get into trouble by assuming others place the same value on sex as they do. For a lot of people one night stands are fun and harmless. I could never just meet some guy and go have sex. (yes even if I was not happily married) I’d feel like trash afterwards and that assumes I could even go through with things. I have some very good friends who think nothing of having sex with their friends because they’re horny. Different strokes for different folks… Is it a bad thing to be easy? Only if it hurts you or someone you deeply care about somehow. Other than that… I think you’re old enough to take your own lumps eh? 🙂 Now head games on the other hand are never good for anyone. Manipulating people is just cruel and stupid. The results are never good. I say good for you if you aren’t easy in this respect 🙂 Not that any of that probably made any sense at all relative to the OP anyway! ---
**Author:** ![mipiace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb9ed0/32.png) [@mipiace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mipiace)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/6 "2003-04-27T22:52:08Z")
I have certain boundaries and walls that I don’t let down until I know someone better. this goes for friends or lovers and it is the result of years of trusting people and getting scewed over. I am not hard to get, just slow to trust and I don’t play about it. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/7 "2003-04-28T00:28:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MeanOldLady \* > \*\*Guys want to hump everything that has a vagina and is over 18. \*\* If that’s true, then how come I could never find a boyfriend? **waaaaaaah** ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/8 "2003-04-28T01:25:05Z")
Guys may not want you to be their girlfriend, but they’d shag you all right. ---
**Author:** ![Stainless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Stainless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stainless)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/9 "2003-04-28T01:43:16Z")
**MeanOldLady** said: > [@](#): > > Guys want to hump everything that has a vagina and is over 18. That’s SO not true as a generalization. Believe you me, I am nothing special, but even I can think of three women I could ‘shag’ with the investment of one phone call, right now. I’m not going to because I’m not attracted to any of them beyond a friendly way and feel it’s wrong of me to treat them like a receptacle, just like I’d hate to be treated like a dildo by someone who had no attraction to me. That’s certainly not to say that I am anti-one nighters, but simply that anything with a vagina isn’t good enough for those of us with self-esteem. ---
**Author:** ![Stainless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Stainless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stainless)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/10 "2003-04-28T01:46:40Z")
**kung fu lola** : If that’s true, then how come I could never find a boyfriend? Maybe they’re jealous of all the time you spend in my pant leg. It’s a joke. A joke! Her location says she’s… aw, never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/11 "2003-04-28T02:07:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MeanOldLady \* > \*\*I don’t feel so appreciated when a guy wants to screw me. Like Chris Rock said, every single guy a girl ever meets from the age of around 14 on wants to screw her. I’m fairly certain that I could ask any single guy I know to sleep with me and he’d say yes. It’s not because I’m just that darn spectacular or anything, _any_ girl could do this. It’s because I have a vagina and I’m over 18. Guys want to hump everything that has a vagina and is over 18. \*\* > > Chris Rock? You’re taking _Chris Rock_ seriously? Girl, you don’t _look_ that stupid. Tell me you’re not serious. I think you’re trying to whoosh the old bear. > > Yeah, maybe _most_ of the men you’ve met would gladly have slept with you. I’ve seen your pictures, and if you’re not “darn spectacular”, you’re pretty darn close. But, even so, I guarantee it wasn’t 100% of the men you’ve met. For one thing, you _are_ kind of mean, aren’t ya’? 😉 > > For another thing, men may be pigs, but most of us _do_ have personal preferences. So, unless it’s a closing time situation, you can be pretty sure the guy selected you; he isn’t just randomly asking the nearest person with a vagina. > > We also have some ethics (most of us). Personally, I would love to be a male slut. 😃 But, I’m not cut out for it. I have declined sex with women on a few occasions. Not many, I admit. But, those situations don’t come along that often, for me. > > Still, I can see how it would be different for a beautiful woman. Maybe, if I had attractive members of the opposite sex throwing themselves at me all the time, as you probably do, I’d feel differently. I hope not, though. But, I guess it might make one a little mean, after a while. 🙂 > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Shana_ > **I think what you’re asking is, "Why play head games?"** > > Yeah, pretty much. > > \*\*For instance, I would not sleep with someone on the first date - and maybe not even on the 4th date. \*\* > > Neither would I, generally. I guess I did kind of give that impression, but it wasn’t intentional. When I said I’m easy to get, I didn’t mean easy to get in bed (aside from one night stands). That’s why I mentioned that separately. If all you want from me is sex, sure, I’ll be happy to oblige. _IF_ that’s all I want from you. If I had the idea that, maybe, there was relationship potential, that’s another story. It’s only happened to me once, that I can recall. But, I didn’t sleep with her, and never saw her, again. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Rhino’sHoney_ > **I don’t mind one night stands as long as BOTH parties are aware thats whats happening - unfortunately, I don’t think that happens too often.** > > Hmm. I’d say it was the “luck o’ the Irish” working for me, but you’re more Irish than I am. So, I can’t account for it. But, I don’t believe I’ve ever had a one night stand where it _wasn’t_ understood by both of us that that was what it was. Then, again, I’m not of those “silver tongued divils” you have over there. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by tanookie_ > **We have this double standard where guys can be obvious about what they want physically from a woman but the reverse makes the woman a (insert your own derogatory term here)** > > Slut? See my comment about that, above. 😃 But, yes, the double standard sucks, and I find the very fact of its existence offensive. Personally, I find male sluts more disgusting than females who’ve been labelled sluts. Maybe that’s just because the guys tend to be revolting braggarts. But, IME, the women generally seem to be really nice people. (And, no, I’ve never knowing slept with a woman who had acquired that label.) > > **I’m a conversational bully.** > > I haven’t notice that about you, and we’ve hung out it a lot of the same threads. > > **I could never just meet some guy and go have sex.** > > You’re just full of surprises, tonight. 😉 I would never have pegged you as being prudish (conservative? conventional? not sure what the right term is). > > \*\*Is it a bad thing to be easy? Only if it hurts you or someone you deeply care about somehow. Other than that… I think you’re old enough to take your own lumps eh? > > Now head games on the other hand are never good for anyone.\*\* > > I think I’m old enough for pretty much anything, except retirement. (Dammit! ;)) And, no, I don’t play head games. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by miapiace_ > \*\*I have certain boundaries and walls that I don’t let down until I know someone better. this goes for friends or lovers and it is the result of years of trusting people and getting scewed over. I am not hard to get, just slow to trust and I don’t play about it. > \*\* > > If I wasn’t sure it was _you_ saying that, I’d suspect it was me. I’m easy, but I’m not _that_ big a fool. 😃 Just cause you’ve got me, doesn’t mean I’m giving up all my secrets the first night we spend together. 😉 > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by kung fu lola_ > \*\*If that’s true, then how come I could never find a boyfriend? > \*\* > > Have you ever really tried? ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/12 "2003-04-28T02:12:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MeanOldLady \* > \*\* Guys want to hump everything that has a vagina and is over 18. \*\* Gee. Since I’m big homo, I can say that isn’t true. Nor do I want to hump anything that has a dick. All men are not like all men. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/13 "2003-04-28T02:30:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MeanOldLady \* > \*\*Guys may not want you to be their girlfriend, but they’d shag you all right. \*\* > > Are you _sure_ the woman in those pictures was _you?_ 'Cause…she was smiling. And, you’re just dripping bitterness all over my clean floor. I wish I could ease the pain behind all that bitterness, but I have no idea how to do that. But, it sounds like you need to associate with a better class of men. Maybe get your ass out of the clubs and into a library or a hobby club, where the guys you meet will be interested in something _other_ than that fine ass. 🙂 > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Mockingbird_ > **All men are not like all men.** > > 😃 Very true. Besides, as another friend recently told me, I’m unique. ---
**Author:** ![Branwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@Branwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Branwen)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/14 "2003-04-28T02:31:52Z")
Another gruesome girl checking in. I’ve met plenty of guys who wouldn’t sleep with me. That’s ok, I wouldn’t have slept with them either. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/15 "2003-04-28T02:44:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Branwen \* > \*\*Another gruesome girl checking in. I’ve met plenty of guys who wouldn’t sleep with me. That’s ok, I wouldn’t have slept with them either. \*\* I seriously doubt that you are the least bit gruesome, **Bran**. Besides, you’re a sweetie, and that’s all it takes. But, thank you for helping me make that point. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/16 "2003-04-28T02:58:30Z")
Huh? I’m bitter? No way. Kay, maybe just a teeny bit. ---
**Author:** ![Omorka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Omorka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omorka)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/17 "2003-04-28T03:01:46Z")
I have made quite deliberate passes at many of my single male friends (and a few of my single female friends) and have gotten a mixture of “no,” “maybe later when I have my life in order,” “I would if you weren’t married,” and “Yes, but not yet,” answers. I can count the “yes” answers on one hand. They are far outweighed by the “no” or “not now” answers. (BTW, yes, all the passes were made with the Spouse’s knowledge and approval.) Now, granted, I’m no looker - I’m 200 lbs, round-faced, and brown-eyed - but I have fabulous boobs, okay skin, and long, well-kept hair, so I’m not exactly hideous either. So all the generalizations about guys people are making here are at the very least not universal. As for being easy - I’m an intellisexual. Show me that you’re brighter than average and not a jerk, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll lust after you once I’ve known you for a few months. No, I don’t do the pcik-up in the bar scene, but at the same time I don’t insist on a long “dating” scene either. I want a friend first, and a sex partner only second - but I have no problem with people being both. ---
**Author:** ![Branwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@Branwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Branwen)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/18 "2003-04-28T03:20:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Davebear \* > \*\*I seriously doubt that you are the least bit gruesome, **Bran**. Besides, you’re a sweetie, and that’s all it takes. But, thank you for helping me make that point. 🙂 \*\* Nah, if being sweet was all it took, I would’ve had guys lined up around the corner. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/19 "2003-04-28T11:02:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Branwen \* > \*\*Nah, if being sweet was all it took, I would’ve had guys lined up around the corner. \*\* Sorry. You’re right, that’s not all it takes. You also have to give the guys a chance to find out that you’re a sweetie. 😃 Remember what I told you before? Sexiness is not a question of having a perfect body; it’s in the mind, the heart, and the attitude. That’s not a joke, and on that basis, you’re definitely a hottie. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2003, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541/20 "2003-04-28T13:38:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kung fu lola \* > \*\*If that’s true, then how come I could never find a boyfriend? > > **waaaaaaah** \*\* Maybe you’re gay? :dubious: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-hard-about-being-easy/171541.md?page=2)