# What's so wrong with being a SAHM ?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-wrong-with-being-a-sahm/254707>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [July 12, 2004, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-wrong-with-being-a-sahm/254707 "2004-07-12T15:17:10Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 1\
**Page:** 8

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**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\
**Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-so-wrong-with-being-a-sahm/254707/141 "2004-07-17T02:00:39Z")

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> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#):
>
> I think I was emotionally reacting to an outpouring of sympathy that I typically don’t see for myself. Believe me, the “why don’t you get a job?” thing is a hundred times worse when you’re a man. I think I was just reflexively responding out of a “hey, why don’t **I** get this?” kind of feeling. It just seems to me like there’s a double standard with this stuff but I came at it from completely the wrong emotional angle and I’m sorry.

Just to weigh in on the other side - I have a stay-at-home-husband.

Due to disability and health issues, he has been unable to hold down a job that pays steady money for a couple years now. So, yes, I am supporting him entirely on my income. But no, I’m not on his ass to get a job.

He’s not sitting on his ass - he does the grocery shopping, runs errands, maintains the family finances (bill paying, taxes, budget) far better than I ever did, keeps the vehicles running, and does minor maintenance work on the building we live in (which gives us a small break on the rent). That, along with the emotional support he gives me, IS a valuable contribution to our household. Anyone who has a problem with this arrangement can go fuck themselves. It’s none of their business.

There were times when I was the unemployed one and he paid the rent - and I did all the housework and errands then. Seems a fair enough division of labor for me. The stay-at-home does the household work so when we have time together we can spend it as a couple, not as a two harried, worn-out, run down crabby people.

And it’s not like I’m rich or anything - yes, I make a decent salary but it’s under $50k a year. In the Chicago metropolitan area that’s comfortable, but hardly rich.

It gets back to the basic concept that people should worry less about their neighbors and more about their own affairs.

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