What's (supposedly) going to kill 281 million Americans?

[Yllaria]

@Little_Nemo

“This will make the most hard-minded patriots blood curl.” . . . .

@burpo_the_wonder_mutt

Do you think they meant “curdle”? Cos I really hate it when a glass of blood has curdled. Don’t let your blood sit out on the counter too long!

Either that or they got their blood confused with their hair. I can see how that would happen.

[bobot]

The website states that the video will only be up for a short time. Not to worry, I made sure to save it in case anyone would like to watch it at one’s leisure. Something that earth-shattering must be preserved. All 32 minutes of it. Thanks a lot, Obama!

[Sherrerd]

@Ann_Hedonia

I found this one
Bounce Back Stronger
It seems like similar materials are being used to sell all sorts of different survivalist products ---- this one is hawking a book and some sort of video seminar and he’s blathering away about how unemployment statistics are skewed because they don’t count those freeloading infants and geriatrics so we really have massive unemployment and runaway inflation even though we are being kept in the dark – and if you think you’re safe because you’ve stockpiled your own hydroponically grown food you’re going to be herded up and put into a FEMA concentration camp so you really need these books and tapes…
or something like that, this stuff is really hard to read – I think a lot of is substantially different from the link on the “Evil bankers are hoarding your Twinkies” site Pocket Farm
but they have the same photos of shrinking food packaging.

Apparently there’s a lot of money to be made by predicting the collapse of society.

OH, yes. Fear, uncertainty, and doubt are surefire motivators of human action–in this case, of the action of opening the wallet.

Some have said that the survivalist or prepper lifestyle is all about trying to regain a sense of control over a chaotic world. I guess we’d all like to have that, but we differ in the degree to which we think it obtainable. (For me, a bunker full of Spam just wouldn’t do it. But for some, apparently, such purchases do provide some comfort.)

[Isilder]

@Lumpy

Says an email infomercial making the rounds. I gave up after listening to five minutes of jawing and they still hadn’t identified wtf they were talking about.

The Onion entry for this " Survivalist product sale spiel fails to mention a single verifiable fact in 5 minute in the one millionth version. John started making these sales spiels in 1922 and he is still going !"

[buddha_david]

@Jonathan_Chance

And why South Carolina? Dammit, I just bought a house down here! This sucks!

Probably cribbed from Special Bulletin (1983), a TV movie about terrorists threatening Charleston, S.C. with a homemade nuclear bomb, told in the style of a live “breaking news” report.

[Colophon]

Let me guess, is 281 million the number of coffins they ordered for the FEMA camps?

[gnoitall]

@Little_Nemo

“This will make the most hard-minded patriots blood curl.”

Blood can curl?

[silenus]

It can handle the stone ok, but the broom still causes problems.

[Crotalus]

@Little_Nemo

“This will make the most hard-minded patriots blood curl.”

1. The government gave banks money. Banks invest in food commodities. This creates a food shortage.

2. Rising food prices cause riots.

3. You can produce your own food with aquaponics. Access to your own food supply will allow you to seize power after the government collapses.

@jtur88

Which of those three are not verifiable facts?

Banks investing in food commodities does not result in a food shortage unless they actually take delivery of the commodities and keep them out of the food supply. Based on corn prices, that is clearly not happening. How would access to my own food supply allow me to seize power after a government collapse? It would help me survive, but seems insufficient for world conquest.

[Lumpy]

And what “weird little weapon could kickstart World War III”? That “even fifth graders make small version of for science projects”?

[TimeWinder]

@Lumpy

And what “weird little weapon could kickstart World War III”? That “even fifth graders make small version of for science projects”?

Since the only fifth grade science project ever is the baking soda volcano, I have to imagine The End will be foamy. No one saw that coming.

[Hari_Seldon]

@Chronos

Lack of oxygen to the brain. Anything more specific than that won’t fit the bill.

Oh, you mean wearing neckties.

[MikeS]

@TimeWinder

Since the only fifth grade science project ever is the baking soda volcano, I have to imagine The End will be foamy. No one saw that coming.

Well, there’s also the potato battery. And if Aperture Science has taught us anything, it’s that potato batteries will be our salvation.

[glee]

Unless America stops teaching evolution in schools, God will smite the entire country.

Apparently.