# What's Taters, precious? Taters is the laser cat from space **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 19, 2023, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827 "2023-12-19T15:59:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/1 "2023-12-19T15:59:58Z")
Scientists at JPL claim to be testing a new laser-based interplanetary communications system using near-infrared lasers. They say it offers bandwidth ten to a hundred times existing radio-based communications. The ultra-high-definition test video beamed from 80 million miles away purports to be of an earth-bound cat named Taters. You can read about it and watch a short clip of the video [here](https://www.jpl.nasa.gov/news/nasas-tech-demo-streams-first-video-from-deep-space-via-laser). All this is a lie, of course, to prevent panic in the streets. The truth is that Taters is not on Earth. He is not even from Earth. He is an evil overlord alien from the planet Felidae, in the guise of an ordinary harmless house cat. The only true part of the story is that he is now only 80 million miles away. When he finally catches that laser dot, he will thereby regain control of his vast armada of space destroyers. Then there is no hope for terrestrial life forms. Fear and tremble, puny Earthlings, fear and tremble at the coming of your new master. ---
**Author:** ![Limmin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f04885/32.png) [@Limmin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limmin)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/2 "2023-12-19T16:11:07Z")
Nevermind ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/3 "2023-12-19T16:14:22Z")
Kitty! ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/4 "2023-12-19T16:14:32Z")
> [@bibliophage](#): > > All this is a lie, of course, to prevent panic in the streets. The truth is that Taters is not on Earth. He is not even from Earth. He is an evil overlord alien from the planet Felidae, in the guise of an ordinary harmless house cat. The only true part of the story is that he is now only 80 million miles away. When he finally catches that laser dot, he will thereby regain control of his vast armada of space destroyers. Then there is no hope for terrestrial life forms. Fear and tremble, puny Earthlings, fear and tremble at the coming of your new master. \* _does a quick search on the Art Bell Files_ \* Story checks out. Stocking up on catnip and squeaky mice as offerings to our new overlords, may they rule in peace! Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/5 "2023-12-19T16:51:09Z")
I for one welcome our new feline overlords ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/6 "2023-12-19T16:53:32Z")
I has lots of cardboard boxes. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/7 "2023-12-19T16:55:08Z")
> [@Frodo](#): > > our new feline overlords I would be more welcoming, but my current feline overlords are prone to jealousy. If they make common cause, or (gasp) it turns out that my current feline rulers are part of the early wave of the invasion, then I will simply welcome the formalization of the status of my feline overlords. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/8 "2023-12-19T16:59:17Z")
Yeah I have 2 of them too, I think they are a 5th column. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/9 "2023-12-19T17:01:51Z")
> [@Frodo](#): > > Yeah I have 2 of them too, I think they are a 5th column. - Yeah, they’ve been clearing the way. Who knew the conquest of Earth would be so adorable? ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/10 "2023-12-19T17:07:56Z")
I think the Internet Traditions prescribe that a picture is required in these cases [https://imgur.com/gallery/bzK2f9v](https://imgur.com/gallery/bzK2f9v) ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/11 "2023-12-19T17:23:33Z")
But is the space laser cat Jewish? ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/12 "2023-12-19T17:30:55Z")
The article says the laser is 19 million miles away, not 80. It’s 80 times the distance from Earth to the moon. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/13 "2023-12-19T17:50:54Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > But is the space laser cat Jewish? Duh. JPL stands for Jewish Purring Laser. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/14 "2023-12-19T18:08:17Z")
God knows they couldn’t do a worse job. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/15 "2023-12-19T18:56:22Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > If they make common cause, or (gasp) it turns out that my current feline rulers are part of the early wave of the invasion, then I will simply welcome the formalization of the status of my feline overlords. Yup. They’d be unlikely to do any worse than some of the ones humans have come up with; and might well do better. However, what seems to be posited in the OP is that said overlord isn’t actually a cat; but a creature of some other sort entirely who is just pretending to be a cat. I’d expect that the actual cats can tell, though; and so would wait to see what my clowder thinks of the creature. – 'scuse me, I have to go open a door for a cat. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2023, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/16 "2023-12-19T20:53:52Z")
> [@Frodo](#): > > I for one welcome our new feline overlords Well, we’ve certainly had plenty of practice for that with our current feline overlords. Perhaps they’re an advance scouting force? Or perhaps a rebel population that had fled from the advancing horde and found what they thought would be a safe haven on this planet? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2023, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-taters-precious-taters-is-the-laser-cat-from-space/994827/17 "2023-12-20T10:53:33Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > But is the space laser cat Jewish? I doubt it, but if I’m wrong, I want to be protected by whoever circumcised the furball.