As someone who has spent a lifetime in the livestock industry, I’d say if your motivation is laziness, buy a lawn mower. It will also be a better financial bargain.
We have neighbors who have a large pet desert tortoise; they let him out to graze on dandelions. He has little interest in the actual grass. Of course they do not use any chemicals on their lawn. He will come when called if you offer him a carrot.
IIRC, sheep eat not only the grass, but the rhizomes as well - effectively killing the grass and not just mowing it. Goats, on the other hand, don’t do that.
As to male goats stinking - good God is that right. My grandmother’s goat liked to piss in its own beard for some reason.
Seconded. Animals are a lot of work. Note that there are other alternatives to having a lawn, depending on your zoning laws. I know of one place in Burlington VT that has huge sunflowers growing on the small front lawn. You can also replace lawn with groundcover plants.
The thought of a herd of g-piggies chomping away, wheeking happily just makes me die of absolute cuteness.
If you’re going the animal mower route, I suggest sheep. Dumb as a box of hair they are, but cute.
Yep!!
Just invite Hal over and let nature take its course.
Robo Mowers with Remote Control. Mow your yard and fertilize it at the same time. Works like a charm, until the clover in the yard is gone and the grass in the pasture is more appealing.
Is that a dachshund out grazing with the cows? How odd. Now I have an image of heards of dachshunds grazing between the herds of guinea pigs.
I totally agree with the keep your lawnmower suggestions. I’m also considering reducing the lawn area with low ground cover and stepping stones. But, being lazy, that may take awhile.
Thanks for the suggestions. There was some interesting information, a sheep in the pool story (I am so glad that wasn’t me), and a comment about my needs and sheep. My cup is full.
Yep. The front yard is the dog’s turf. Here’s what happens when the cows decide to lay down instead of leave the yard when they’re finished. The cows pretty much ignore the dog, which infuriates her.
May I change the parameters of the question a bit?
Let’s say I have spare acre with a good fence. My goal is not to have a “lawn,” but to basically keep the land clear.
Untended land in this area quickly turns into an impenetrable brushy scrubby weedy mess. It eventually does turn into forest, but that takes a while. I’m just looking to keep things under control.
Would sheep or goats or some other animal be best? How many would I need? And is one easier to take care of than the other?
*n.b. this is purely hypothetical. *
Two miniature goats will keep an acre pretty clear.
You will need to feed them in the winter, of course.
Note that there are some weeds that goats won’t eat, and you may end up selectively growing them (happened to me).
Goats are good people. Remember that friend you had that wasn’t all that bright but kept things lively, always had a good time, and was always there when needed? That person is an ordinary billy goat.
Cattle do a good job at keeping trees and shrubs from taking over. They keep the pasture trimmed but don’t destroy the roots of ground cover. Cattle provide tenderloin and prime rib. Goats unfortunately only have goat meat. How many people come to a goat barbecue? Cow chips are good for Frisbee throwing. Goat chips are not good Frisbees.
I’m thinking of using them as beasts of burden - harness them all to the bottom of a big, flat board that distributes the load evenly. See me conquer the earth on my guinea-pig-surf-board.
Now it’s doing the same for me, in no small part due to the charm of the word “wheeking” 
Does proposing goat cheese to someone from Wisconsin count as unnecessary cruelty?
halo
No there is a goat farmer or two in the state. I’ve even been on a goat dairy farm once. I can’t stand the taste of any goat product though.
How did it do that?!
Seconded. Also plnnr, could you describe the smell of a male goat, please? In your grandmother’s goat’s case I’ll take it as read that the odour of piss is included.