# What's the Best Kiss-Off Song? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 3, 2004, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092 "2004-04-03T19:16:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2004, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/41 "2004-04-04T22:11:21Z")
_You’re Breaking My Heart_ by **Harry Nilssen** ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/42 "2004-04-05T17:40:12Z")
I’d have to go with _I’m Not Your Man_ by Tommy Conwell and the Young Rumblers. Gotta love a kiss-off song that starts out: > [@](#): > > Baby, before I hang around this old, moldy, mildewed, > Decrepit scene holding hands with you, > Here’s a whole list of things you’re gonna have to do: > > Jump off the Empire State in a paper sack, > Talk lovey-dovey to a camel, scare the hump off his back, > Get the Queen of England’s golden shoes, > Put 'em on your feet and sing the St. Louis Blues. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/43 "2004-04-05T17:53:09Z")
Hands down: Sandra Bernhard’s version of Paul Simon’s “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.” By the end of the song she’s progressed from “Drop of the key, Lee” to “Get the FUCK outta here!” ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/44 "2004-04-05T18:53:50Z")
> [@AntaresJB](#): > > [pick] > I think this isn’t Dylan, but Nick Drake. I freely admit I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure. > [/pick] Dylan didwrite this, as **vl\_mungo** confirmed. I guess I have to break it to you that most of the songs on Nick Drake’s [Tanworth-in-Arden](http://www.algonet.se/~iguana/DRAKE/NDtanworth.html) tape are covers. According to the website, only “Rain,” “Bird Flew By” and “To the Garden” were written by Drake. ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/45 "2004-04-05T19:05:45Z")
Guns N’ Roses- “Used to Love Her (But I Had to Kill Her)” I don’t believe there’s a title anywhere that says it better than that. ---
**Author:** ![AntaresJB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AntaresJB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AntaresJB)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/46 "2004-04-05T19:42:26Z")
> [@Lisa-go-Blind](#): > > Dylan didwrite this, as **vl\_mungo** confirmed. I guess I have to break it to you that most of the songs on Nick Drake’s [Tanworth-in-Arden](http://www.algonet.se/~iguana/DRAKE/NDtanworth.html) tape are covers. According to the website, only “Rain,” “Bird Flew By” and “To the Garden” were written by Drake. ::insert defunct-smackie smiley:: Well, I said I could be wrong. Dylan’s voice freaks me out so I avoid him and I’ve only ever heard Drake’s version. Thanks for the info, though. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/47 "2004-04-05T20:03:59Z")
The Sugarcube’s **Pump** > [@](#): > > E\> Boom, I hate you, I don’t like, I really do hate you > E\> I don’t wan’t you, I thought you liked me > E\> I do, I-I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate you Poe’s **Control** > [@](#): > > Surprised you to find that I’m laughing? > You thought that you’d find me in tears > You thought I’d be crawling the walls > Like a tiny mosquito and trembling in fear > > Well you may be king for the moment > But I am a queen understand > And I’ve got your pawns and your bishops > And castles > All inside the palm of my hand > > While you were looking the other way > While you had your eyes closed > While you were licking your lips > 'Cause I was miserable > While you were selling your soul > While you were tearing a hole in me > > I was taking control Lou Ford’s **You Ain’t Worth My Time** > [@](#): > > Maybe then you’ll find the answer > To what’s been troublin’ you so long > Maybe then you’ll know that I loved you so long ago > And you couldn’t be much further from my mind > > You ain’t worth my time > You ain’t worth my energy > You ain’t worth my time > But I don’t have the energy > > I wanna live beside the freeway > Watch the cars as they roll by > I wanna be there when you run out > I wanna be there when you die and of course, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins **Ignant and Sh-t** which really can’t just have lyrics quoted from it…it has to be heard. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/48 "2004-04-05T22:46:19Z")
Roy Clark’s _Thank God and Greyhound_ - the song starts out with the singer sadly watching as his woman gets on a bus to leave him, then it kicks into the chorus: Thank God and Greyhound, you’re gone I didn’t know how much longer I could go on Watchin’ you take the respect out of me Watchin’ you make a total wreck out of me That big diesel motor is a-playin my song Thank God and Greyhound, you’re gone. ---
**Author:** ![Yamirskoonir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/c0e974/32.png) [@Yamirskoonir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yamirskoonir)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/49 "2004-04-05T23:27:56Z")
Save Ferris’ **Goodbye** > [@](#): > > Goodbye > I never want to see you again > Goodbye > I don’t want to be your friend > So long > Now we’ve reached the end > Time for me to turn that bend > When time has run away > And there’s no need for me to stay > And lose myself to you > And be abused by you > I don’t need the pain > From your mind games > When you try them again > I won’t be there for them to work > Anymore Save Ferris’ **Mistaken** (emphasis mine - made me bawl every time I heard Mo sing it in concert, it’s way too close to home!) > [@](#): > > So who are you > I thought I knew > I guess I was mistaken (Cause I only wanted you) > So say goodbye > Don’t tell me why > I guess I was mistaken > > As I blame myself again > Wondering what I did > You tell me that you still might care for me > You say that you’re confused > But thats really no excuse > You don’t get sympathy > **’Cause I don’t need this mind trip > I must be myself > Must free myself > From you > And all you put me through** And of course, as a general kiss-off song, Violent Femmes’ **Kiss Off** > [@](#): > > You can all just kiss off into the air > Behind my back I can see that stare > They’ll hurt me bad, but I don’t mind > They’ll hurt me bad, they do it all the time > (Yeah, yeah!) > They do it all the time > (Yeah, yeah!) > They do it all the time > (Do it all the time) > They do it all the time > (Do it all the time) > Do it all the time time time time time, time time-time > tuh-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-time, tuh time-time > DO IT ALL THE TIIIIIIIIIME! Excuse me while I go turn up some music now… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DaToad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@DaToad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaToad)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/50 "2004-04-06T00:04:58Z")
I’m going to have to go with Ray Stevens’ _ **Furthermore** _ Well, go away and leave me all alone and blue And never come back to me 'cause I’m through with you 'Cause baby, now that you have done me wrong it’s plain to see That you no longer want to bother me I’m sick and tired of all your lying and your cheating And the way that you have been mistreating me And lemme tell you friend that you will never get the chance to break my heart again And furthermore Yes, furthermore And on top of that I don’t love you anyway ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/51 "2004-04-06T05:01:54Z")
I’m listening to ANOTHER one at this very minute. _Roses_ by Outkast. > [@](#): > > Caroline! See she’s the reason for the word “bitch” (bitch) > I hope she’s speeding on the way to the club > Trying to hurry up to get to some > Baller or singer or somebody like that > And try to put on her makeup in the mirror > And crash, crash, crash… into a ditch! (Just Playing!) ---
**Author:** ![spiralscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@spiralscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spiralscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/52 "2004-04-08T12:38:00Z")
Bob Mould, “Sacrifice / Let There Be Peace”: > [@](#): > > To the grave from the cradle > We don’t rock anymore > Now I stand here with both feet > Planted firm on the floor > And if you’re planning a future > Of indefinite grace > You’d better start removing > The lines of deceit from your face R.E.M., “The One I Love”: > [@](#): > > This one goes out to the one I love > This one goes out to the one I’ve left behind > Another prop has occupied my time > This one goes out to the one I love ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/53 "2004-04-08T16:03:03Z")
No mention of Scandal’s “Goodbye to You”? ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/54 "2004-04-08T18:03:00Z")
Delivery matters. Sinead’s _The Last Day of Our Acquaintance_ starts with mourning, and ends with a growl - all with the same lyrics repeated: This is the last day of our acquaintance I will meet you later in somebody’s office I’ll talk but you won’t listen to me I know what your answer will be And for real self-pity, you can never beat Morrisey (in Smiths incarnation especially): I’ve come to wish you an unhappy birthday I’ve come to wish you an unhappy birthday 'Cause you’re evil And you lie And if you should die I may feel slightly sad (But I won’t cry) Loved and lost And some may say When usually it’s nothing Surely you’re happy It should be this way ? And I say “No… I’m gonna kill my dog.” And : “May the lines sag, may the lines sag heavy and deep tonight” ---
**Author:** ![DaveX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/96bed5/32.png) [@DaveX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaveX)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/55 "2004-04-08T18:30:40Z")
Hell, the best kiss off song(s) from a male point of view would be pretty much the entire “Gentleman” album by the Afghan Whigs… But more specifically, maybe “Now You Know” from that album. _Tell me is it the same? my sweetness, my everything Is this condescending a comfort at all to you? Bit into a rotten one, now didn’t we? Well, baby, now it’s through_ ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/56 "2004-04-08T18:41:11Z")
“_You’re No Good_,” as sung by Linda Ronstadt. Kind of a double kiss-off song. ---
**Author:** ![threeorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@threeorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threeorange)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/57 "2004-04-10T12:11:38Z")
**"I Should’ve Known" - Aimee Mann** _I should thank you almost No one could kill it off until you bled it But I got rid of that ghost 'Though certain habits still remain embedded With the shadow of a doubt But baby it was you who fed it And I don’t know what else to say But I think you get it_ **"Next Time That You Leave" - Bob Mould** (Maybe this one isn’t quite a kiss-off, since it sounds like Bob’s giving him one more chance…) \*The next time that you leave I’m burning everything you own So you’ll have no reason, No reason to return The next time that you leave I’ll burn out my memories, I don’t need reminders, Remind me to forget You are not a master Maybe you have mastered Different games that worked with others But I am not the others, You are just a bastard \* ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/58 "2004-04-10T13:21:50Z")
Frog Princess by Divine Comedy > [@](#): > > “You don’t really love me and I don’t really mind > Cos I don’t love anybody > That stuff is just a waste of time > Your place or mine?” > > I met a girl, she was a Frog Princess > And yes I do regret it now > But how was I to know that just one kiss > Could turn my frog into a cow? ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/59 "2004-04-10T14:37:30Z")
Richard Shindell, [Are You Happy Now?](http://www.cowboylyrics.com/tabs/shindell-richard/are-you-happy-now-2077.html) > [@](#): > > I smashed your pumpkin on the floor > > The candle flickered at my feet > > As goblins flew across the room > > The children peered into the room > > A cowboy shivered on the porch > > Cinderella checked her watch > > A hobo waited in the street > > An angel whispered trick or treat > > What was I supposed to do > > But to sit there in the dark > > I was amazed to think that you > > Would take the candy with you too ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092/60 "2004-04-10T17:56:53Z")
“Watergate” by Something Fierce > [@](#): > > You ran a nasty campaign from the start > You had your henchmen break into my heart > You were unfaithful and I was unsmart > > But now this is how you’ll be remembered > This is your Watergate > You will resign in disgrace … > > You say a lifetime of hardship has hardened you > Then you ask if I could possibly pardon you > You beg for me to let you off the hook > You keep insisting that you’re not a crook > Why can’t you see how pathetic you look? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-kiss-off-song/238092.md?page=2)