# What's the best way for a man to tell a woman he doesn't want to be physical anymore? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 5, 2019, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022 "2019-11-05T11:15:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/1 "2019-11-05T11:15:37Z")
Scenario: Man and woman meet, they casually date for several weeks. They’ve been physically intimate, stopping just short of intercourse (not for lack of will on her part, but on his). He decides he isn’t going to be any more into her than he already is, and doesn’t want to fool around any more. However, she’s nice and fun to hang out with. How does he transition her into a hang-out friend? Note: This thread is not a joke, nor am I troll. This is actually happening to someone right now. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/2 "2019-11-05T11:24:53Z")
Neither of them are going to get what they want. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/3 "2019-11-05T11:35:09Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > Scenario: Man and woman meet, they casually date for several weeks. They’ve been physically intimate, stopping just short of intercourse (not for lack of will on her part, but on his). He decides he isn’t going to be any more into her than he already is, and doesn’t want to fool around any more. However, she’s nice and fun to hang out with. How does he transition her into a hang-out friend? You don’t. Practically ever other guy has had a girl/woman pull this horseshit on him. It’s in the category of fucking with someone’s head. The smart ones just make a clean break which is what this woman will probably do. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/4 "2019-11-05T12:22:26Z")
This is what words are for. Use them, please. ‘I really like you, I like being with you, but I’m not ready for a physical relationship. How would you feel about dialing it back a bit and just enjoying each other’s company for a while?’ And then the ball is in her court, and if she really wants more then hopefully she will say so and they can part company (or not) with each person knowing where they stand. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/5 "2019-11-05T13:17:15Z")
Why would he casually date someone for several weeks if he isn’t going to sleep with them? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/6 "2019-11-05T13:30:31Z")
A thorough interview process is often practiced for those of us determined not to stick it in the crazy. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/7 "2019-11-05T14:13:37Z")
If she’s into him romantically and he’s not, then there is no such thing as transitioning into hang-out friends. There will always be a conflict of interests, as well as a power imbalance. Neither is conducive to stress-free companionship. This is the kind of drama people should only be experiencing in their 20’s or younger. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/8 "2019-11-05T14:44:21Z")
So basically they are friends with benefits, and he wants to cut off the benefits and just be friends. You don’t say how old these two are, but some younger women I know are very casual about sex, and would have no problem with that. He just needs to have a discussion with her. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/9 "2019-11-05T14:55:03Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > The smart ones just make a clean break which is what this woman will probably do. Yup. Really when you advance into a romantic relationship, you should be prepared to have taken future friendship off the table at that point. And if you get to the point where you aren’t interested in intimacy, or moving that relationship along, then you should end that relationship at that point. I mean, MAYBE you can back that up into a close friendship, but in my experience, that’s extraordinarily unlikely, and you’re better off just ending it and moving on. ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/10 "2019-11-05T15:53:41Z")
It would be a lot easier if they were platonic friends before moving to something more. They tried a romantic relationship, it didn’t work so they fall back to their previous states. The continued friendship seems less likely if their initial contact was with dating in mind, especially after only a few weeks (unlike a divorced/split couple that remain friends after a years-long relationship which happens pretty often). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/11 "2019-11-05T17:14:33Z")
Ghost. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/12 "2019-11-05T17:21:24Z")
As always, The Simpsons to the rescue! **Lisa** : What do you say to a boy to let him know you’re not interested? **Marge** : Well, honey, I… **Homer** : Let me handle this, Marge. I’ve heard them all: “I like you as a friend,” “I think we should see other people,” “I no speak English”… **Lisa** : I get the idea. **Homer** : “I’m married to the sea,” “I don’t want to kill you but I will”… **Marge** : Honey! Lisa, I’d tell this boy that you’re very flattered, but you’re just not ready for this kind of thing. **Lisa** : Thanks, Mom. **Homer** : And if that doesn’t work, six simple words: “I’m not gay, but I’ll learn.” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/13 "2019-11-05T18:03:36Z")
Do some thing terrible to her that will make her stay away from you forever. That is the lowest risk path ahead of you. Otherwise, be honest and be prepared for all sorts of consequences because people don’t like to be rejected. She may go into overdrive trying to take it all further, or she might go off the deep end and stalk you for the rest of your life, or she may say she is fine with it but really is planning something good or bad for you in the future. Then again maybe she’s fine with it and even looking for a way to tell you the same thing. If anybody has never had to deal with a situation like this then I hate them. You’re not allowed to go through life without this kind of thing happening. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/14 "2019-11-05T18:04:18Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Yup. Really when you advance into a romantic relationship, you should be prepared to have taken future friendship off the table at that point. > > And if you get to the point where you aren’t interested in intimacy, or moving that relationship along, then you should end that relationship at that point. > > I mean, MAYBE you can back that up into a close friendship, but in my experience, that’s extraordinarily unlikely, and you’re better off just ending it and moving on. Works that way for some people in some instances, but not for other people in other instances. It’s worth asking, IMO. Just be prepared for the other person to disappear. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/15 "2019-11-05T18:19:36Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/16 "2019-11-05T18:20:20Z")
> [@saje](#): > > This is what words are for. Use them, please. > > ‘I really like you, I like being with you, but I’m not ready for a physical relationship. How would you feel about dialing it back a bit and just enjoying each other’s company for a while?’ > > And then the ball is in her court, and if she really wants more then hopefully she will say so and they can part company (or not) with each person knowing where they stand. This is the answer. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/17 "2019-11-05T18:22:30Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > A thorough interview process is often practiced for those of us determined not to stick it in the crazy. But mama, that’s where the fun is… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/18 "2019-11-05T18:56:24Z")
Fun. I suppose if you’re into [cenobites](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cenobite_(Hellraiser)). Been there, escaped that! ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/19 "2019-11-05T19:19:30Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Do some thing terrible to her that will make her stay away from you forever. That is the lowest risk path ahead of you. Otherwise, be honest and be prepared for all sorts of consequences because people don’t like to be rejected. She may go into overdrive trying to take it all further, or she might go off the deep end and stalk you for the rest of your life, or she may say she is fine with it but really is planning something good or bad for you in the future. Then again maybe she’s fine with it and even looking for a way to tell you the same thing. > > If anybody has never had to deal with a situation like this then I hate them. You’re not allowed to go through life without this kind of thing happening. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2019, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022/20 "2019-11-05T19:31:41Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Do some thing terrible to her that will make her stay away from you forever. That is the lowest risk path ahead of you. Otherwise, be honest and be prepared for all sorts of consequences because people don’t like to be rejected. She may go into overdrive trying to take it all further, or she might go off the deep end and stalk you for the rest of your life, or she may say she is fine with it but really is planning something good or bad for you in the future. Then again maybe she’s fine with it and even looking for a way to tell you the same thing. > > If anybody has never had to deal with a situation like this then I hate them. You’re not allowed to go through life without this kind of thing happening. What if I was the unwanted-physical-affection giving stalker? Are we cool then? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-for-a-man-to-tell-a-woman-he-doesnt-want-to-be-physical-anymore/843022.md?page=2)