# What's the best way to eat a shoe? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 18, 2008, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104 "2008-09-18T05:15:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/1 "2008-09-18T05:15:16Z")
I made a bet with this friend of mine that she can’t earn $4000 in one month. It’s a fairly safe bet. We are both just recent college graduates, and she’s not going to turn tricks or do anything illegal. She thinks she can make that by tutoring and getting entry-level positions. I told her she’s full of shit, and now here we are. However, in the event that she wins, I need to know what is the best way to prepare a shoe for consumption. It could be any shoe really, but let’s just say for the sake of argument that’s it a sneaker, a dress shoe, or a loafer. I can’t imagine boots being a good choice, and those four are all I have. Wish me luck! ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/2 "2008-09-18T05:18:12Z")
Have a shoe made out of marzipan. I wouldn’t worry about it though, because unless she is tutoring people in oral sex techniques she isn’t going to make 4k in a month. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_C](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Captain\_C](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_C)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/3 "2008-09-18T05:21:51Z")
Cook them in the dryer and eat them. Then, get bored. Points to whoever gets the reference. ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/4 "2008-09-18T05:24:32Z")
I say you either [define shoe](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoe_(cards)) yourself, or pay a visit with your credit card to [http://www.willitblend.com/](http://www.willitblend.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/5 "2008-09-18T05:43:30Z")
> [@Nanoda](#): > > I say you either [define shoe](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoe_(cards)) yourself, or pay a visit with your credit card to [http://www.willitblend.com/](http://www.willitblend.com/) Yeah, find a fairly inert shoe like a (dare I say it) Croc, blend it up with a bunch of tequila and shoot it down over the course of a night. Shoe margaritas, yum! On the other hand, if she’s decent looking at all, she should be able to make $4000 in a month turning tricks. Whoops, you said no whoring (although she could move to Nevada where it’s legal). Hell, she could make that much just working in a strip bar. ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/6 "2008-09-18T07:47:38Z")
Perchance, do you have this female’s email address? Perchance, she might become a member here? Perchance, she might start a thread encouraging us to offer donations to the first annual “Make **Auto** Eat a Shoe” extravaganza? Then, possibly & quickly, collect $4,000? ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/7 "2008-09-18T08:28:16Z")
With ketchup. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/8 "2008-09-18T08:39:10Z")
Cook it like a sole. ---
**Author:** ![puppygod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@puppygod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puppygod)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/9 "2008-09-18T09:24:20Z")
> [@Captain\_C](#): > > Cook them in the dryer and eat them. Then, get bored. > > Points to whoever gets the reference. Easy. Futurama. “Godfellas”. Monks closed in the laundry. As to the OP, I’d just made it sure that it’s real leather and it’s not conditioned with something really toxic. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/10 "2008-09-18T10:10:36Z")
Or you could watch Charlie Chaplin in “The Goldrush”. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/11 "2008-09-18T10:21:01Z")
Are you talking $4,000 after tax, or gross? Cos, surely $48k a year isn’t a very high salary - somewhere below average for the UK. Anyway, back to the footwear question. You could have profiteroles - you know, cream-filled shoe pastry. Or go English and have jellied heels. Or how about meat loafer? ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/12 "2008-09-18T11:02:39Z")
Ask [Werner Hertzog](http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6696106694952949285) (instructional video). ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/13 "2008-09-18T13:37:19Z")
How to make $4,000 in one month? Work as an independant contractor rather than as a regular employee. Work for a number of months, but do not bill out until the total work in progress well exceeds $4,000, then bill out all at once. Provided that the customers pay up, that way there is a good chance there will be $4,000 or more in earned income in one month. ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/14 "2008-09-18T14:02:11Z")
> [@Colophon](#): > > Are you talking $4,000 after tax, or gross? Cos, surely $48k a year isn’t a very high salary - somewhere below average for the UK. Since he said she’ll be taking entry level positions and she’s fresh out of college, I’d consider it an impressive amount of money for someone in her position to make in the US, unless she’s going into a few specific fields. As far as four year degrees go, I believe nursing, computer science and certain engineering fields might qualify for entry-level jobs making that much or more, but if she has one of those one would hope **Auto** would’ve been smart enough to not make the bet. If she has a liberal arts degree, she’s likely to be making around $30k or so. I’d suggest some sort of shoe-shaped cake, myself. It side-steps the gastrointestinal distress a real shoe would probably cause and then you have the added bonus of sharing it with her in celebration of her managing to win. What girl can resist cake? Just don’t get [this](http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/07/bringing-whole-new-meaning-to-foot-in.html) one. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/15 "2008-09-18T14:13:26Z")
More importantly, what does she have to do if she loses? ---
**Author:** ![Anonymous\_Coward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/94ad74/32.png) [@Anonymous\_Coward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anonymous_Coward)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/16 "2008-09-18T14:55:51Z")
[Meat Sneaker](http://www.seriouseats.com/2008/08/sneaker-made-out-of-meat-christian-kohl-artist.html) is the answer to your problems! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/17 "2008-09-18T14:59:19Z")
I’m in the ‘make a shoe out of food’ camp. But no cake. Spam. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/18 "2008-09-18T15:12:02Z")
Swallow a Barbie shoe…hell, kids do it all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/19 "2008-09-18T15:21:16Z")
I thought shmoos were extinct. ---
**Author:** ![KnitWit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@KnitWit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KnitWit)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104/20 "2008-09-18T17:36:08Z")
Haver her get a job in Boston. Illegal immigrants doing labor can make 1,000/week under the table. And I can’t imagine a starting salary less than 50k/year. I mean, unless she’s waiting tables or cleaning motel rooms. But with a college degree less than 50k is unheard of. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-eat-a-shoe/464104.md?page=2)