# What's the best way to handle being in unrequited love with a dear friend? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 27, 2014, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675 "2014-08-27T19:43:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675/41 "2014-08-29T19:41:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > It’s the word “pathetic” I have a major problem with. It seems unkind, dismissive, and judgmental. When I say pathetic, I _mean_ pathetic in the strict sense - it invokes strong feelings of pity and sadness in me. Judgemental, sure, dismissive, maybe but _unkind_, it’s not. I have a lot of sympathy for the less emotionally enlightened. It’s one of my many superior qualities.🆒 \* ---
**Author:** ![Osiris\_the\_1st](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9de0a6/32.png) [@Osiris\_the\_1st](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osiris_the_1st)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675/42 "2014-08-29T20:18:21Z")
I fell for a friend once. Someone who I talked to everyday, either in person or on the phone, for hours at a time. I floated the idea of going out a couple of times, but she wasn’t interested. We stayed close friends for a while, but eventually it got to be too much for me and I needed a break to get some perspective. I expected her to be understanding and let me get some distance for a while to get my shit together, but that was not the reaction I got. Without going into to much detail she yelled at me and told me how selfish I was. I got over her relatively quickly after that. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675/43 "2014-08-29T21:11:23Z")
> [@Osiris\_the\_1st](#): > > I fell for a friend once. Someone who I talked to everyday, either in person or on the phone, for hours at a time. I floated the idea of going out a couple of times, but she wasn’t interested. We stayed close friends for a while, but eventually it got to be too much for me and I needed a break to get some perspective. > > I expected her to be understanding and let me get some distance for a while to get my shit together, but that was not the reaction I got. Without going into to much detail she yelled at me and told me how selfish I was. I got over her relatively quickly after that. That seems like quite a likely outcome. Falling for someone is a game-changer - one way or the other. I guess that’s the thing of it - whatever the answer to the OP’s question (assuming there even is one), things are not going to be the same. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675/44 "2014-08-29T22:41:46Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > There was a fellow in a similar situation who got two good songs out of it. Ever hear of “Bell Bottom Blues” or “Layla”? Considering that the brilliant “Layla” and the cloyingly insipid “Wonderful Tonight” were written by the same artist about the same woman, before and after landing her, I’d say unrequited love is the better muse. :o ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675/45 "2014-08-29T23:24:53Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > What does this mean? Several people are saying that you should never try and cross the boundary between friend and potential lover. As if it’s immoral to tell a friend you like her and want to be more. If he or she says they just want to be friends, then you must accept it. However, friends become lovers more often than apparently the Dope thinks. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2014, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675/46 "2014-08-29T23:30:16Z")
Do everything she says. If she sees that you’re willing to drop everything for her, she’s gotta respect you, and soon love you ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675/47 "2014-08-30T08:54:24Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Several people are saying that you should never try and cross the boundary between friend and potential lover. > > As if it’s immoral to tell a friend you like her and want to be more. > > If he or she says they just want to be friends, then you must accept it. > > However, friends become lovers more often than apparently the Dope thinks. Sure, but in trying to cross that line, one must not become (or even appear to risk becoming) a stalker, rapist, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675/48 "2014-08-30T18:21:37Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Sure, but in trying to cross that line, one must not become (or even appear to risk becoming) a stalker, rapist, etc. Presumably she weeds out the stalkers and rapists before entitling them “friend” status. This board has an absurd tendency to hyperbolize the scorned-lover-turned-stalker-rapist narrative. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675/49 "2014-08-31T07:57:05Z")
I would say this board has a tendency to consider all factors, regardless of topic, and that tendency is not especially absurd. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-being-in-unrequited-love-with-a-dear-friend/696675.md?page=2)