# What's the cheapest funeral you could have? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 11, 2000, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298 "2000-04-11T01:05:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/1 "2000-04-11T01:05:00Z")
Aside from cremation I mean…and I am not sure that is the cheapest. I have heard of one funeral home here in my town that will do the services for $300.00 although I have not checked that. Apparently they bury you in a waxed cardboard coffin of some kind. Anyone ever heard of this? Sorry about the morbidity of this post. (humming swing low sweet chariot) * * * I Wanna Whip Your Cow. _famous C&W song_ Yours truly, aha ---
**Author:** ![kinoons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a698b9/32.png) [@kinoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kinoons)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/2 "2000-04-11T01:08:00Z")
Hell Aha, I’ll do yours for yours for a $1.50, and I won’t incinerate you. As to what the cheepest, formal, and legal funeral is, I dont know. I have heard of something very similar to what you had said, but I dont recall any of the specifics * * * …for more silky smooth segways, write to “silky smooth segways” 610 n 10th street, Albuquerque NM 87109. ---
**Author:** ![lamerino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5f9b8f/32.png) [@lamerino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lamerino)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/3 "2000-04-11T01:26:00Z")
My brother pre-need subscribed to this group, based on price alone. [http://www.neptunesociety.com/](http://www.neptunesociety.com/) They toss your ashes overboard. (I personally am going to try to give my bones to a medical school, and my bunions to the bait shop.) ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/4 "2000-04-11T01:37:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by lamerino: > \*\*My brother pre-need subscribed to this group, based on price alone. > [http://www.neptunesociety.com/](http://www.neptunesociety.com/) > > They toss your ashes overboard. > > (I personally am going to try to give my bones to a medical school, and my bunions to the bait shop.) > > \*\* Thanks lamerino But I clicked all through that site and never once saw a price list! * * * I Wanna Whip Your Cow. _famous C&W song_ Yours truly, aha ---
**Author:** ![lindsay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3be4f8/32.png) [@lindsay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsay)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/5 "2000-04-11T02:56:00Z")
You can have a pauper’s funeral for $99.00. That is what I am opting for. * * * lindsay ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/6 "2000-04-11T03:01:00Z")
I’ve heard over and over again that in many places the bereaved can haul the body out of the hospital, toss it in the back seat, and cart it off to be disposed. That’s where it starts to get expensive. Here’s an example from Florida’s statutes: \*470.001 Legislative findings and intent.– (1) The Legislature finds that the practice of embalming, funeral directing, and final disposition by unskilled and incompetent practitioners presents a danger to the public health and safety. The Legislature finds further that it is difficult for the public to make an informed choice about embalmers and funeral directors and that the consequences of a wrong choice could endanger the public health and welfare. The only way to protect the public from the incompetent practice of embalming, funeral directing, and final disposition is through the establishment of minimum qualifications for entry into such professions and through swift and effective discipline for those practitioners who violate the law. (2) The Legislature further finds that the unregistered practice of direct disposition presents a danger to the public welfare and, therefore, deems it necessary to provide for the registration of all direct disposers, to provide against improper conduct by practitioners of direct disposition, and to establish swift and effective discipline for those practitioners who violate the law.\* [http://www.leg.state.fl.us/citizen/documents/statutes/1998/ch0470/Ch0470.htm](http://www.leg.state.fl.us/citizen/documents/statutes/1998/ch0470/Ch0470.htm) Not too much wiggle room there, as that preamble is followed by about twenty pages of regulations. However, there may be a way to squeak around it. [Donate the body to science](http://www.onlineathens.com/1998/041998/0419.a2body.html)! And this article notes that [in other places](http://weeklywire.com/ww/08-23-99/knox_cover.html), “embalming is not required. In fact, families don’t even need to hire a funeral director, Brown says. With a permit from the county, they can fill out their family member’s death certificate and arrange their own service and burial (provided the cemetery will allow it).” ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/7 "2000-04-11T03:07:00Z")
A lot of the funeral laws are nothing more than price supports and government protection for the funeral industry. There are areas in which you have to have certain types of (expensive) coffins, etc. Let’s face it - you could run a large-scale crematorium and incinerate a body for about ten bucks. There are already waste disposal facilities in operation that could do it. You could take a body to the SPCA and use their crematorium. But noooo… You can only use a ‘duly licensed practitioner’, and surprise surprise it costs a fair chunk of change. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/8 "2000-04-11T03:34:00Z")
In the words of John Prine: Throw my brain in a hurricane, and kiss my ass goodbye! **Tris** * * * Imagine my signature begins five spaces to the right of center. ---
**Author:** ![dp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecd19e/32.png) [@dp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dp)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/9 "2000-04-11T05:15:00Z")
I know of someone that was buried in a bodybag. I don’t know how much that it cost, but it was the cheapest way that the family could go. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/10 "2000-04-11T07:29:00Z")
It’s actually, “Blow my brain in a Hurricane, It’s a sin to tell a lie. Send my mouth way down south, And kiss my ass goodbye.” ---
**Author:** ![lamerino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5f9b8f/32.png) [@lamerino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lamerino)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/11 "2000-04-11T15:21:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by aha: > \*\* Thanks lamerino But I clicked all through that site and never once saw a price list!\*\* ## Sorry, I thought they would. Maybe it’s different for each state due to laws noted above. I recall $100, but that may not be the current price. If you call them, they might tell you all the cheap options. They rose out of a non-profit group, and probably still are, so they have no ax to grind. File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)? ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/12 "2000-04-11T15:37:00Z")
I’ve heard of numerous “families” that arrange funerals and the only expens is the cost of the cement. ---
**Author:** ![MadPoet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@MadPoet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPoet)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/13 "2000-04-12T00:41:00Z")
I don’t personally have anything against the Neptune society, but through my one brief experience with them, I found one thing dsturbing… My grandfather passed away some years ago. We were on our way to try to see him one last time, and by the time we got there, he was gone, burned and scattered (had to have been a matter of hours, he passed away while we were on the way there from the airport which was only a few hundrd miles from his place). My mom seemed very upset that she didn’t get her last chance to see him. I think he wanted to save the family some grief, but I don’t know that it did. Personally, ever since reading the Ender series, I’ve wanted to be cut open and have a tree planted in me - just in case. But it would be hard keeping the animals away. * * * [http://www.madpoet.com](http://www.madpoet.com) I am human, and I need to be loved Just like anybody else does ---
**Author:** ![Sycorax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@Sycorax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sycorax)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/14 "2000-04-12T00:53:00Z")
Check with your state health department. It’s possible you could have a relative or friend bury you in the backyard. No kidding. An article in the Washington Post about a year ago related how a man in Virginia had buried his infant daughter in the woods – no funeral, no nothing; just dug a hole and buried her all by himself. There was nothing illegal about it, the article said. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/15 "2000-04-12T01:32:00Z")
Far be it from me to charecterize funeral directors as anyhting but scum-sucking leeches, but I think a certain amount of regulation in this area is a good thing. I don’t want anybody burying Grandma below the water table (ugh!) or on a floodplan–it _is_ a health problem if a whole bunch of corpses all wash up at the same time. In Tennesee a few months back a group of funeral directors in the legislator tried to pass a bill that a) made it always possible for a person’s wishes about their burial to be superceeded by a decendant, any documentation otherwise be hanged, and b) Mandated a three day waiting period before cremation. The combined effect was to give funeral directors 72 hours to convince the Grieving Widow that Harold didn’t really want a cheap, quick cremation. He wanted something jazzier. . . I think the bill actually passed the legislature (you can get almost anything through a state legislature–no one reads anything) but I do not think it was signed into law. Personally, I do not want a casket or anything–I want to rot. The way I understood it in grade school, when they had the whole “cycle of life” poster on the wall, was that I can squander resources as much as I want now, and by letting worms eat me and turn me into dirt I give it all back!! Nifty, Huh? ---
**Author:** ![lamerino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5f9b8f/32.png) [@lamerino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lamerino)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2000, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/16 "2000-04-14T01:26:00Z")
Since I saw that movie Moby Dick I’ve thought the best thing is to be buried at sea, as shark food. Don’t know why exactly, maybe the finality of it. But I expect to die inland, so a hospital can use my body to teach doctors. I hate the thought that some are getting enough practice until a life is at stake. However, I can suggest they toss the leftovers overboard. That would be nice. I hear lots of bodies used to go reverently out to sea down the Ganges, and of course a Viking chief went down with a burning pyre ship. * * * ---
**Author:** ![Kupek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90db22/32.png) [@Kupek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kupek)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2000, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/17 "2000-04-14T01:58:00Z")
The newest line of Hefty bags look mightly appealing. * * * [Kupek’s Den](http://www.geocities.com/~tortolia/kupek) ---
**Author:** ![kinoons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a698b9/32.png) [@kinoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kinoons)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2000, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/18 "2000-04-14T02:31:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Mjollnir: > **I’ve heard of numerous “families” that arrange funerals and the only expens is the cost of the cement.** ## Could I have mine under home plate of Yankee Stadium …for more silky smooth segues, write to “silky smooth segues” 610 n 10th street, Albuquerque NM 87109. ---
**Author:** ![kinoons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a698b9/32.png) [@kinoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kinoons)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2000, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/19 "2000-04-14T02:32:00Z")
Could I have mine under home plate of Wrigley Field (I like the Cubs better) * * * …for more silky smooth segues, write to “silky smooth segues” 610 n 10th street, Albuquerque NM 87109. ---
**Author:** ![kinoons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a698b9/32.png) [@kinoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kinoons)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2000, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298/20 "2000-04-14T02:34:00Z")
\ After that double post I deserve to be buried in concrete… * * * …for more silky smooth segues, write to “silky smooth segues” 610 n 10th street, Albuquerque NM 87109. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cheapest-funeral-you-could-have/10298.md?page=2)