# What's the cleverest thing anyone ever said? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2002, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409 "2002-12-13T03:03:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/21 "2002-12-13T13:23:27Z")
Bob Dylan: If you’re not part of the solultion, you’re part of the problem. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/22 "2002-12-13T13:26:36Z")
Larry Niven (SF author, talking about alien intelligences, but IMHO applies to human ones too): _“There are minds out there that think as well, or better, than you do, but differently.”_ Probably not the cleverest thing _ever_, but it’s in my top ten. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/23 "2002-12-13T13:52:47Z")
Good old Calvin Coolidge - A lady dinner guest approaches him and says “I bet my friend over there I could get you to say more than two words to me.” Cal replied “You lose.” ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/24 "2002-12-13T14:22:03Z")
_If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn’t._ – Lyall Watson ---
**Author:** ![malaka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@malaka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malaka)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/25 "2002-12-13T14:43:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Annie-Xmas \* > \*\*Bob Dylan: If you’re not part of the solultion, you’re part of the problem. \*\* Chemist: If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate. ---
**Author:** ![Bongmaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Bongmaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bongmaster)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/26 "2002-12-13T16:48:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crafter\_Man \* > \*\*_If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn’t._ – Lyall Watson \*\* Damn that’s witty! ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/27 "2002-12-13T16:58:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Forbin \* > \*\*“Lady Astor, if I was your husband I’d…” \*\* That’s my vote too. For those who don’t know the whole exchange: Lady Astor to Winston Churchill "Sir, if you were my husband, I’d poison you.” Churchill: “Madam, if I were your husband, I’d take it!” ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/28 "2002-12-13T16:58:19Z")
Gertrude Stein said of Oakland “There is no there _there_.” She also said “A rose is a rose is a rose” which I guess is a piss-take on Shakespeare’s “rose by any other name” business. Then there was Thoreau, when Emerson went to visit him in jail. When Emerson asked him what he was doing “in here”, Thoreau replied “What are you doing out there?”. ---
**Author:** ![Roadwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Roadwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadwalker)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/29 "2002-12-13T17:10:47Z")
Remember, no matter where you go…there you are. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/30 "2002-12-13T17:20:54Z")
A quote from someone being asked if so-and-so belonged in a mental institution: Well, since he’s out, we probably won’t put him in. But if he were in, we’d never let him out. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/31 "2002-12-13T17:34:03Z")
Pretty much everything Dorothy Parker said. One of my favorites: “If the girls of Vasser were laid end to end, I for one wouldn’t be a bit surprised.” ---
**Author:** ![Homer\_J](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c37758/32.png) [@Homer\_J](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer_J)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/32 "2002-12-13T22:19:20Z")
i think the robert louis stevenston one; “It is better to travel hopefully then to arrive” This is so true to so many things in life, and its so instant but you cant stop thinking about it and relating it to yourself, i also think the Churchill - i am drunk, you are ugly, in the morning i shall be sober - quote is so very funny, one of my history teachers favourites! ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2002, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/33 "2002-12-13T23:23:17Z")
Has no-one mentioned churchill’s **much better** quote? It goes [something] like this… Woman: If you were my husband I’d poison your tea. Churchil : If you were my wife I’d drink it. ---
**Author:** ![Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/db5fbb/32.png) [@Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fred)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/34 "2002-12-14T01:42:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revtim \* > \*\*That’s my vote too. For those who don’t know the whole exchange: > > Lady Astor to Winston Churchill "Sir, if you were my husband, I’d poison you.” > Churchill: “Madam, if I were your husband, I’d take it!” \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/35 "2002-12-14T02:36:54Z")
oh ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/36 "2002-12-14T03:21:15Z")
In terms of a single remark which led to near-unimaginable success, wealth, fame etc. it’s probably Lennon asking McCartney “Do you fancy joining my band?”. Anyone who at a certain point in the late 70s said to their stockbroker “I have a hunch. Buy me all the Microsoft stock you can”. More historically, Alexander Graham-Bell asking his assistant to come into the room, via his new invention, is probably a good choice for ‘cleverest’ thing ever said, in terms of what it took to be able to say it. For wit, I’m glad Dorothy Parker has won a few nominations. Another woman once held open a door for her, ushering her through with the remark ‘Age before beauty’. Parker walked through, replying ‘Pearls before swine’. E=mc2 is probably another strong contender. ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/37 "2002-12-14T03:38:42Z")
In my opinion, some of these candidates submitted are signficantly off the mark. Clever is not the same as true, or groundbreaking, or inspiring, or wise. To me, Gilbert and Sullivan and Weird Al are clever songwriters. Douglas Adams and Mark Twain are clever authors. Winston Churchill is a clever conversationalist. And I admire them all for this reason. But if I’m looking for meaningful quotes, I won’t go to their works. ---
**Author:** ![IThinkNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ce73a5/32.png) [@IThinkNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IThinkNot)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/38 "2002-12-14T03:51:02Z")
The thing about Rene Descartes and “I think, therefore I am” is where I got my message board Name. As for the most clever quote? I don’t know who said it, but: “Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.” (the one in my sig is cool, too, but not exactly clever) ---
**Author:** ![Cholo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@Cholo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cholo)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/39 "2002-12-14T05:08:49Z")
**Groucho Marx** once said: “I wouldn’t join a club that would have me as a member”. Years ago I worked at a retail store and a man approached me and asked: “Do you know where I can find some barber scissors?” to which I replied, “Not off the top of my head”. To be honest it was just a gut reply (not really meaning to be clever) but we both had a good laugh. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/40 "2002-12-14T07:13:30Z")
I have heard that Oscar Wilde’s last words were: “Either that wallpaper goes or I do.” And, hoping that doper **jjim** doesn’t think I am stalking him, he had one line on the SDMB that still cracks me up. The OP was “A line to kill a story” **jjim** wrote: “Hi Godot.” Maybe you had to be there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409.md?page=3)