# What's the cleverest thing anyone ever said? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2002, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409 "2002-12-13T03:03:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/41 "2002-12-14T07:36:17Z")
> [@](#): > > by DMark > The OP was “A line to kill a story” > > jjim wrote: > “Hi Godot.” > > Maybe you had to be there. That is classic!!! Hilarious! > [@](#): > > by Archernar > But if I’m looking for meaningful quotes… “Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.” – Emerson ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/42 "2002-12-14T08:07:58Z")
Some come here to sit and think Some come here to shit and stink I come here to scratch my balls And read the writing on the walls -Unknown ::d&R:: ---
**Author:** ![Trancey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Trancey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trancey)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/43 "2002-12-14T08:23:46Z")
I love this thread. I have a hobbie of writing down quotes that seem interesting to me. I have about 3 journals full. Lets seee… Some of my favorites…or “clever” ¬\_¬ Bare with me though, I have no idea who said these, lol. -“I’m sorry, but the future is coming wether you’re ready or not.” -“Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean their not after you.” -“Don’t tell me what I want to hear.” -o0o0o this is Pink Floyd, I remembered one! “Long you live and high you fly And smiles you give and tears you’ll cry And all you touch and all you see Is all your life will ever be” -“Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans” - John Lennon -“If you aren’t remembered, then you never existed” -“Our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real” ANNNNDDDD My #1 favorite…_drum roll_ -“You don’t fool me.” ---
**Author:** ![DarrenS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DarrenS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarrenS)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/44 "2002-12-14T08:32:16Z")
I think some of the cleverest ones are the “disses”. Dr Samual Johnson, in a historical put-down of a manuscript he received from a writer: “Your manuscript is both good and original;but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.” And the following exchange between George Bernard-Shaw and Churchill: I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend - if you have one. - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second - if there is one. - Winston Churchill, in reply ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/45 "2002-12-14T11:24:33Z")
“This book fills a much needed gap.” ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/46 "2002-12-14T11:26:37Z")
Oh yes, and **Groucho** ’s wonderful: “From the moment I picked up this book until the moment I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.” ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/47 "2002-12-14T13:28:21Z")
Sent to me recently… “There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t”. ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/48 "2002-12-14T14:34:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ianzin \* > Anyone who at a certain point in the late 70s said to their stockbroker “I have a hunch. Buy me all the Microsoft stock you can”. IIRC, MSFT didn’t become public until the late 80’s. In the late 70’s they were just a nobody. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/49 "2002-12-14T20:14:17Z")
“God? I give him 50-50. He may exist, he may not. I don’t bother him.” Cecil Rhodes ---
**Author:** ![BKABBY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ab097/32.png) [@BKABBY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BKABBY)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/50 "2002-12-14T21:15:38Z")
There’s a lot of good ones here, but I have to go with… “Hell is other people.” – Jean Paul Sartre ---
**Author:** ![Wumpus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8c91f0/32.png) [@Wumpus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wumpus)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/51 "2002-12-14T21:59:49Z")
Another Dorothy Parker: When asked to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence, Parker replied: “You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.” In a similar vein, here’s an exchange attributed to George Bernard Shaw at an exclusive dinner party: He: Tell me, madam, would you sleep with me for a million pounds? She: Show me a million pounds, sir, and I’ll consider it. He: Would you sleep with me for a shilling? She: Sir! What do you take me for? He: We’ve already established what you are. All we’re haggling about now is the price. A reporter once asked Shaw how it felt to turn 90. Shaw replied that it felt fine, compared to the alternative. One last quote, which is variously attributed to Shaw or Churchill: “Democracy is the worst form of government there is … except for all the others.” ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2002, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/52 "2002-12-14T22:08:27Z")
“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance- that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” Herbert Spencer ---
**Author:** ![DarrenS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DarrenS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarrenS)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/53 "2002-12-15T01:38:01Z")
Ghandi was asked, “What do you think of Western civilization?” “I think it would be a good idea.” ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/54 "2002-12-15T15:44:11Z")
“Weaselling out of things is an important skill to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.” -Homer Simpson ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/55 "2002-12-15T16:15:19Z")
“Of course, everything looks bad if you remember it!” Homer Simpson ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/56 "2002-12-15T16:16:54Z")
“Now look sad and say doh” Homer’s brain. “doh” Homer ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/57 "2002-12-15T21:14:34Z")
> [@](#): > > Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, “I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease”. Disraeli replied, “That all depends, Sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.” A tongue as sharp as guillotine! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/58 "2002-12-15T22:51:31Z")
In 1842, Charles Napier conquered Sind (an area in India) for the British, with a force of around 2800 against many thousands. Mindful that telegraph companies charged by the word, his telegram announcing the victory said simply of “Peccavi” – Latin for “I have sinned.” ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2002, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409/59 "2002-12-15T22:53:38Z")
My post about a one-word telegram has one word too many. Please omit the final “of”. (Must preview.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-cleverest-thing-anyone-ever-said/142409.md?page=2)