# What's the deal with save the date cards? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [July 20, 2012, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862 "2012-07-20T15:43:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/21 "2012-07-20T19:48:11Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Colophon is in England, I believe, so customs there may vary from the US. Ah. That makes sense. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2012, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/22 "2012-07-20T23:57:32Z")
Did you know that in wedding-land they are totally unironically called STDs? We sent them out because we have tons of out of town people coming to the wedding and you don’t send out invitations until six weeks out or so. In other words, we kept having people ask, and they needed to make plans, and we wanted them to get our (and this is another Wedding Industrial Complex word) wedsite address, so we sent some so people would have a thing to magnet to their fridge and know. And we MOST CERTAINLY will not be mentioning the registry on any invitation or STD. (Hee hee.) Seriously, are people raised by wolves these days? (Answer: yes - I once got (well not got - my entire department got one) an invitation to a wedding from a coworker that included a cute little “wishing well” poem about how what they really wanted is cash.) I mean, the actual invitations will have people’s food choices and all sorts of things like that on them. We haven’t even finalized the menu. Meanwhile, people need to be making hotel reservations NOW because it’s a football weekend. So that’s why. ---
**Author:** ![filling\_pages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@filling\_pages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filling_pages)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/23 "2012-07-21T22:40:33Z")
For couples I know, it was also sort of one of the “fun” parts. Invitations are always formal, but your STD (ha) notice can be clever or cute or lovey or whatever. I got one that was made to look like a vintage postcard, one that was a photo of the info lettered on the back window of an old pickup truck - you get the idea. They tend to be the kind of thing you get an artistic friend to set up for you, in my circle of friends. ---
**Author:** ![Victor\_Charlie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7ea924/32.png) [@Victor\_Charlie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Victor_Charlie)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/24 "2012-07-21T22:58:33Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > The way my friends did it was to give their wedding website URL on the invitation, and the website had a link to their online gift registries. Seemed tasteful enough. Any mention beyond responding to a specific request amounts to solicitation. That’s just my take. And what’s the purpose of a wedding website, anyway? Seems awfully narcissistic. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/25 "2012-07-21T23:04:42Z")
> [@Victor\_Charlie](#): > > Any mention beyond responding to a specific request amounts to solicitation. That’s just my take. > > And what’s the purpose of a wedding website, anyway? Seems awfully self-absorbed. The usual contents of a wedding website include info such as: information on the hotel where the B/G have made a block reservation; information on any other recommended places to stay; directions to the place where the wedding is happening and directions to the receptions place, if different; suggestions for things to do in the area other than attend weddings. And sometimes, a link to a registry. Why would that be self-absorbed? Back to the subject of save the dates, they’re pretty important if you schedule your wedding near a time when people are accustomed to traveling. Such as: during summer vacation, labor day, memorial day, or July 4th weekend, near Christmas, New Years, Passover, or any culturally relevant major holiday… See, this lets them… “save” the date (if they wish to) by not scheduling other travel, and keep an eye out for fare sales. I get the feeling you haven’t been to a lot of weddings that had many out of town guests. About 80% of the attendees at my wedding, traveled to get there. ---
**Author:** ![Victor\_Charlie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7ea924/32.png) [@Victor\_Charlie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Victor_Charlie)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/26 "2012-07-22T01:13:46Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > The usual contents of a wedding website include info such as: information on the hotel where the B/G have made a block reservation; information on any other recommended places to stay; directions to the place where the wedding is happening and directions to the receptions place, if different; suggestions for things to do in the area other than attend weddings. And sometimes, a link to a registry. > > Why would that be self-absorbed? As I mentioned above, maybe I need better friends because I have yet to see a wedding site that wasn’t loaded with about 20,000 photos of the couple, stories about themselves, a full recounting of how he popped the question and odes to their love. And poems. Always with poems. The “useful information” is usually a loss leader. But, it should be expected since modern weddings have become orgiastic displays of self-absorption. Okay, switching off Grumpy Man Mode. Now get off my lawn. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/27 "2012-07-22T01:14:33Z")
> [@Victor\_Charlie](#): > > Any mention beyond responding to a specific request amounts to solicitation. That’s just my take. > > And what’s the purpose of a wedding website, anyway? Seems awfully narcissistic. I just went to a wedding last year that had a website. It was actually very useful. It gave all sorts of info such as maps of the various locations, lodging and transportation options, etc. We were flying in from across the country and totally unfamiliar with the area. ---
**Author:** ![svd678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@svd678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/svd678)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/28 "2012-07-22T03:38:29Z")
Some people’s vacations are set at New Year’s, for the year. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/29 "2012-07-22T12:12:18Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > non-wedding: I work for a charity and we send out save the date cards strictly for advertisement and word-of-mouth. They’re also a little easier to distribute than an actual invitation, and cheaper to print, usually. The charity I plan events for does the same thing. We need to set the date for our annual event well in advance to get it on community calendars and apply for donations/grants. We do a Save the Date as a way to keep visibility up to the general public we are inviting. -D/a ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/30 "2012-07-22T12:17:27Z")
> [@Colophon](#): > > (For weddings) you haven’t finalised numbers so you don’t know yet who will be invited to the whole thing and who will be coming to the evening. I’m not sure what this means. I wouldnt think anyone who is invited to the ceremony wouldn’t be invited to the reception? A save the date should be sent to those people actually going to be invited, for the reasons folks have said (mostly, so you can plan without committing. Two week difference seems odd, though). ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/31 "2012-07-22T14:00:10Z")
No, it’s because for some people the wedding ceremony is a small, private affair and the reception is a big party bash. In that case, maybe only immediate family and very close friends would be invited to the ceremony, but the reception would be for extended family, more friends, and so on. Or if the wedding ceremony is religious, some denominations may not allow observers who weren’t of the faith, but the couple would want to have their friends and family celebrate with them. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/32 "2012-07-22T14:03:26Z")
> [@apollonia](#): > > No, it’s because for some people the wedding ceremony is a small, private affair and the reception is a big party bash. In that case, maybe only immediate family and very close friends would be invited to the ceremony, but the reception would be for extended family, more friends, and so on. Or if the wedding ceremony is religious, some denominations may not allow observers who weren’t of the faith, but the couple would want to have their friends and family celebrate with them. I interpreted the quote the other way-invite to ceremony and not reception. I see it can be read either way, and that makes sense. I certainly am familiar with the scenario you described, just didnt read the quote to mean that. I’m sure that’s exactly what they meant! ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/33 "2012-07-22T18:51:23Z")
> [@filling\_pages](#): > > For couples I know, it was also sort of one of the “fun” parts. Invitations are always formal, but your STD (ha) notice can be clever or cute or lovey or whatever. I got one that was made to look like a vintage postcard, one that was a photo of the info lettered on the back window of an old pickup truck - you get the idea. They tend to be the kind of thing you get an artistic friend to set up for you, in my circle of friends. Yeah, we have the cutest little STDs! (Seriously, my fiance got an artist to draw us as Barnabas Collins and Velma Dinkley. They’re adorable.) Our wedsite doesn’t have a single picture of us, although I guess once we get the engagement pictures done it might. We definitely didn’t write any cutesy stories about how we met. It’s got tons of information about the venue, our STD artist, hotels, the football schedule so you take us seriously when we tell you need to reserve NOW, local attractions, maps, etc. It will have more information about the menu once we get that finalized so people with allergies and whatnot can make better decisions than what we can fit on the little reply cards. We think it’s a pretty useful thing. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/34 "2012-07-22T19:08:10Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > And we MOST CERTAINLY will not be mentioning the registry on any invitation or STD. (Hee hee.) Seriously, are people raised by wolves these days? (Answer: yes - I once got (well not got - my entire department got one) an invitation to a wedding from a coworker that included a cute little “wishing well” poem about how what they really wanted is cash.) So where are you mentioning the registry? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/35 "2012-07-22T20:13:40Z")
On the wedsite, small and discreet. It was a compromise - I’d rather go the old fashioned way and have people ask my mom, but people were getting kind of upset. We also have a list of our favorite charities up there. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/36 "2012-07-24T12:29:59Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > No one I know puts gift registries in invitations either. I don’t know who these “everyones” are but they obviously need a lesson in manners. As I write this, I do recall the second wife of a physician friend of mine putting them in. The ex wife had a ball with that little faux pas. Obviously a rare (:p) case of American custom being more polite than the English. I have been to probably a dozen or more weddings in the past 10 years and can’t think of a single one that didn’t have a card with details of the gift registry included with the invitation. I’m sure it goes against strict etiquette but it is absolutely the norm in the UK. I’d never even heard anyone decry it as tacky until I started Googling wedding sites, many of which are US-centric. And **apollonia** , yes I meant that some people might be invited to the evening reception but not the ceremony itself. Lots of churches have a very limited capacity, so often only immediate family and a few close friends can be invited. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/37 "2012-07-24T13:50:49Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > So where are you mentioning the registry? Traditionally, as Zsofia mentions, this is information that is usually disseminated by the wedding party and the parents. If someone asks you directly, you can tell them. I’ve never had problems finding my friend’s registries, although around here the custom tends to be gifts for bridal shower and cash for weddings, so I usually don’t bother looking for the wedding registry and just give an envelope with cash. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/38 "2012-07-24T15:14:08Z")
My nephew got proposed to his girlfriend last Thanksgiving and everyone else in the family immediately hounded the couple for “save the date” cards. One of my nieces is a wedding planner, so I’m wondering if that has anything to do with that. ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/39 "2012-07-24T23:23:18Z")
It’s possible, but it’s also just likely that the rest of the family wanted a concrete date to start arranging travel plans. For a lot of people, “So, when are the Save-the-Dates coming out?” is a lot easier to ask then “So, have you set a date yet? Have you now? Now? Well, when is this god-damned wedding going to take place because my husband and I both have to request time off for next June so we can all get back to Bumblefuck and Jenny doesn’t finish school until June fifteenth anyway so LET’S GET ROLLING, ENGAGED COUPLE.” ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2012, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862/40 "2012-07-24T23:55:23Z")
Corrected. Wow. That was some bad grammar. > [@Monty](#): > > My nephew proposed to his girlfriend last Thanksgiving and everyone else in the family immediately hounded the couple for “save the date” cards. One of my nieces is a wedding planner, so I’m wondering if that has anything to do with that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-save-the-date-cards/628862.md?page=3)