# what's the deal with shaking hands? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 26, 2010, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078 "2010-09-26T07:28:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/61 "2010-09-27T17:13:02Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Shaking hands is a way of saying “Hey, I trust you enough to touch you in the most basic, non-threatening, non-dangerous way, with a body part that I routinely use to touch all kinds of things.” > > Not shaking hands is like saying “I touch stairwells, food, my dick, telephones, bus seats…all kinds of stuff with this hand. But I’m not touching _you_.” This may be the first time I’ve agreed with you, but I could not agree with you _more_. > [@Ogre](#): > > :rolleyes: Dopers can be such a precious lot. There really are too many special snowflakes to count. People, they’re not asking you for a kidney! They’re asking you not be a complete asshole! Baby back ribs and diseases aside, you’re basically a selfish, social miscreant if you refuse the most basic form of initial human contact in our society. ---
**Author:** ![Gestalt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/90ced4/32.png) [@Gestalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gestalt)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/62 "2010-09-27T17:37:08Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > > [@Gestalt](#): > > > > In all fairness though, you can’t really turn down the request without looking like a total douche. > > I 100% disagree. A polite, “I’m sorry, I don’t shake hands” is perfectly polite and not douchelike at all. If someone said that to me and wasn’t an obvious Orthodox Jewish male, I’d definitely be a little, “bwuh?” ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/63 "2010-09-27T17:41:53Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > > > Of course, there is and it’s very simple. It’s called accepting the differences between other people and asking permission before you try to touch someone. > > Offering your hand is asking permission to touch. If someone asked me “do you mind if I shake your hand?” before offering their hand I’d think they were a social retard- and rightly so. I would consider them a polite and caring individual. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/64 "2010-09-27T17:47:00Z")
> [@Gestalt](#): > > > [@Sarahfeena](#): > > > > I 100% disagree. A polite, “I’m sorry, I don’t shake hands” is perfectly polite and not douchelike at all. > > If someone said that to me and wasn’t an obvious Orthodox Jewish male, I’d definitely be a little, “bwuh?” I have been mistaken for Muslim or ultra Orthodox Jew because of the way I am dressed for professional occasions. I wear either a headscrarf or a rather obvious wig (think Hasidic chic) thinking that should be enough nonverbal communication to get the point across that I do not shake hands with members of the opposite sex. Frequently, it hasn’t been which is why I think most of the hand shaking zealots do it on purpose to be douchebags. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/65 "2010-09-27T17:48:47Z")
Or it could be that what you think is sufficient communication isn’t. That is unless of course the wig you’re wearing is shaped so as to spell out “Don’t Touch Me!” ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/66 "2010-09-27T18:08:15Z")
I think it’s completely safe to say that since **ZPG Zealot** is wearing head scarfs or wigs that don’t correspond to her actual beliefs simply so she can avoid personal contact…she is in the top 5 of **Most Absurd And Out Of Touch Posters Ever**. Congratulations! Membership includes the right to believe Obama is a Muslim and 9/11 is a conspiracy. Please sign on the dotted line at your earliest convenience. We have non-commie touched pens as well. ---
**Author:** ![Gestalt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/90ced4/32.png) [@Gestalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gestalt)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/67 "2010-09-27T18:14:15Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > > [@Gestalt](#): > > > > If someone said that to me and wasn’t an obvious Orthodox Jewish male, I’d definitely be a little, “bwuh?” > > I have been mistaken for Muslim or ultra Orthodox Jew because of the way I am dressed for professional occasions. I wear either a headscrarf or a rather obvious wig (think Hasidic chic) thinking that should be enough nonverbal communication to get the point across that I do not shake hands with members of the opposite sex. Frequently, it hasn’t been which is why I think most of the hand shaking zealots do it on purpose to be douchebags. So if you’re not Muslim or Orthodox Jew, why do you limit your “no touching (no touching!)” rule to members of the opposite sex? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/68 "2010-09-27T18:15:24Z")
I don’t have any trouble offering my hand or shaking hands. If someone refuses, I just put my hand down without feeling insulted. At the other extreme, when I was wearing a cast on my left arm, I had people apologize when they passed me on my left side without even touching me. ---
**Author:** ![filling\_pages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@filling\_pages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filling_pages)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/69 "2010-09-27T19:37:52Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I have been mistaken for Muslim or ultra Orthodox Jew because of the way I am dressed for professional occasions. I wear either a headscrarf or a rather obvious wig (think Hasidic chic) thinking that should be enough nonverbal communication to get the point across that I do not shake hands with members of the opposite sex. Frequently, it hasn’t been which is why I think most of the hand shaking zealots do it on purpose to be douchebags. I have to tell you, I, personally, would not understand that you wearing a wig is meant to signify that you don’t want to shave hands with a guy. I would think it just meant that you have poor taste in wigs. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/70 "2010-09-27T20:29:57Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I would have no problem with that as long as I could hear their voice or breathing or examine their handwriting. Is this some sort of a joke? I don`t want people listening to me breathing. Do you do business with Darth Vader? Do you own a Death Star construction management firm? ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/71 "2010-09-27T21:07:26Z")
> [@trapezoidal\_jellyfish](#): > > For those who said they wouldn’t hire someone who doesn’t shake hands: just out of curiosity, do you have hard-and-fast rules about other social faux-pas? If a candidate comes 15 minutes late to an interview, do you automatically decide not to hire them? What about if they have very clear views on politics and insult the opposition, not knowing what the views are of others in the room? Certainly. It is very unlikely that I would hire a candidate that was 15 minutes late to an interview. The same goes for a candidate who decides to bash one political side or the other during an interview. Tardiness demonstrates that the candidate cannot manage his or her time. Insulting the political opposition demonstrates to me that the candidate does not know when it’s appropriate to say those kinds of things. The lack of a handshake further demonstrates the candidates lack of social graces. (I’m sure you didn’t mean a candidate that did all three things in the same interview though.) ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/72 "2010-09-27T22:11:03Z")
You know what’s worse than a limp, clammy, germ-a-licious handshake? The feeling that arises when people aren’t sure whether to shake. This covers everything from the awkward half-starts, some shaking but not others, people that shake with all my partners but stumble at shaking with me because I’m _gasp_ a woman. All of that potential BS is avoided by approaching with eye-contact and an out-thrust hand - smile or serious face in accordance with the situation. I think the hand shake alleviates a lot more stress than it causes. Hugging yucks me out. I hug people I love but everyone else should back the hell off. Outside the business world it seems to be the norm now to hug when introduced to new friends - yikes! My solution - smile like a maniac and offer my hand, works like a charm. 🙂 Edit: I meet a lot of people for work and a big part of my job is convincing them to sign something. I have to make a good first impression and a proper hand shake accomplishes that with folks of any age or gender. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/73 "2010-09-27T22:37:08Z")
> [@filling\_pages](#): > > > [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > > > I have been mistaken for Muslim or ultra Orthodox Jew because of the way I am dressed for professional occasions. I wear either a headscrarf or a rather obvious wig (think Hasidic chic) thinking that should be enough nonverbal communication to get the point across that I do not shake hands with members of the opposite sex. Frequently, it hasn’t been which is why I think most of the hand shaking zealots do it on purpose to be douchebags. > > I have to tell you, I, personally, would not understand that you wearing a wig is meant to signify that you don’t want to shave hands with a guy. I would think it just meant that you have poor taste in wigs. Were not talking about fashion. I only use the wig when I’m dealing with a high Orthodox Jewish population where the wig in combination with conservative clothing is an obvious not for touching uniform. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/74 "2010-09-27T22:40:25Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > > [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > > > I would have no problem with that as long as I could hear their voice or breathing or examine their handwriting. > > Is this some sort of a joke? I don`t want people listening to me breathing. Do you do business with Darth Vader? Do you own a Death Star construction management firm? If you can’t see someone’s face or eyes, their breathing patterns can be a clue to their personality and emotional state. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/75 "2010-09-27T22:42:04Z")
> [@Gestalt](#): > > > [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > > > I have been mistaken for Muslim or ultra Orthodox Jew because of the way I am dressed for professional occasions. I wear either a headscrarf or a rather obvious wig (think Hasidic chic) thinking that should be enough nonverbal communication to get the point across that I do not shake hands with members of the opposite sex. Frequently, it hasn’t been which is why I think most of the hand shaking zealots do it on purpose to be douchebags. > > So if you’re not Muslim or Orthodox Jew, why do you limit your “no touching (no touching!)” rule to members of the opposite sex? Newsflash Orthodox Jews and Muslims are not the only people on earth who have moral objections to socially touching the opposite sex. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/76 "2010-09-27T22:46:33Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I think it’s completely safe to say that since **ZPG Zealot** is wearing head scarfs or wigs that don’t correspond to her actual beliefs simply so she can avoid personal contact…she is in the top 5 of **Most Absurd And Out Of Touch Posters Ever**. > > Congratulations! Membership includes the right to believe Obama is a Muslim and 9/11 is a conspiracy. Please sign on the dotted line at your earliest convenience. We have non-commie touched pens as well. I never said they weren’t part of my beliefs. I said I am often mistaken for a Muslim or a Hasidic Jew by the way I dress professionally. Unless the issue is pressing, it is sometimes easier not to disabuse people of their misconceptions rather than spend fifteen minutes explaining my ancestory. ---
**Author:** ![Gestalt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/90ced4/32.png) [@Gestalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gestalt)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/77 "2010-09-27T23:04:38Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > > [@Gestalt](#): > > > > So if you’re not Muslim or Orthodox Jew, why do you limit your “no touching (no touching!)” rule to members of the opposite sex? > > Newsflash Orthodox Jews and Muslims are not the only people on earth who have moral objections to socially touching the opposite sex. Uh, I think they might be though. In fact, I’ve never really heard about any other groups. Even the ueber Christian types who don’t let their women cut their hair allow handshakes, as far as I know. I think the Amish do to. Anyways, what religious or ethnic group do you belong to, where you have that rule? ---
**Author:** ![Gestalt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/90ced4/32.png) [@Gestalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gestalt)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/78 "2010-09-27T23:05:50Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > > [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > > > Is this some sort of a joke? I don`t want people listening to me breathing. Do you do business with Darth Vader? Do you own a Death Star construction management firm? > > If you can’t see someone’s face or eyes, their breathing patterns can be a clue to their personality and emotional state. What if their religious beliefs prevent them from having someone hear their breathing, so they wear a mask at all times. Then what would you do? ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/79 "2010-09-27T23:15:21Z")
> [@Gestalt](#): > > > [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > > > If you can’t see someone’s face or eyes, their breathing patterns can be a clue to their personality and emotional state. > > What if their religious beliefs prevent them from having someone hear their breathing, so they wear a mask at all times. Then what would you do? If I wanted or needed to do business with them there are plenty of other characteristics one can observe and use for making judgments. Which is another reason I just don’t find shaking hands as a greeting an important thing. There are too many other factors that you can and should use to evaluate someone. In cultures were a handshake in front of witnesses is a contract, it’s too important a symbolic act to cheapen with random hand shaking. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078/80 "2010-09-27T23:33:15Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > …A cold that I _got because_ the social convention here is to kiss one’s opposite sex friends instead of a handshake, and so I kissed a girl with a cold. A lot of my friends do that here in L.A., too, but it’s not like you smack each other on the lips. The real risk is when you touch your eyes or nostrils right after putting your hands on something that has a virus. But it can be _ **anything** _: a person’s hand, a doorknob, a telephone, light switch. I don’t think we can ever pinpoint exactly when we get the virus into our system. More than avoid the hands of others, I avoid putting _my own_ hands on my mucus membranes (nose, eyes, mouth) when I’m in public–and wash my own hands as much as possible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-deal-with-shaking-hands/555078.md?page=5)