# What's the difference between whining and stating a complaint? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 30, 2003, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276 "2003-03-30T21:01:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2003, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276/1 "2003-03-30T21:01:55Z")
Is there a real difference, or is whining just stating a complaint you don’t want to answer? I mean, how can problems ever be solved is no one recognizes them first with words? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2003, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276/2 "2003-03-30T21:18:44Z")
Good question, and there are many subtleties that would apply to answering this. IMHO, whining consists of saying, “This is wrong because I don’t like it”. OR, some other forms of innapropriate complaints. Actually, I like that better. Whining is innapropriate complaining. What that consists of is hard to pin down. I don’t think most whiners THINK they’re whiners. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276/3 "2003-03-30T21:25:00Z")
It’s whinning when someone treats a universal problem as something that effects them disproportionally: it’s the person who complains about how bad traffic was for them and never asks about someone else’s drive: it’s the person who complains about how bad their feet hurt after a 12 hour shift to their coworker who’s been beside them the whole time, and never asks “how are you holding up?”. Whining is the attitude that somehow your particular burdens are a greater load than the average person. A whiner has no empathy. ---
**Author:** ![Kewk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7ab992/32.png) [@Kewk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kewk)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2003, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276/4 "2003-03-30T22:11:48Z")
Whining is something that happens when you lose composure. When your complaint gets the best of you and you lack the control to keep your complaint in a more professional manor. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276/5 "2003-03-30T22:35:35Z")
I think whining is complaining without offering a solution. ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2003, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276/6 "2003-03-30T22:46:30Z")
Oooh, well put, \*\*Kewk. \*\* I agree whole-heartedly. Complaining can be humorous and light-hearted, whereas whining is self-absorbed and just plain annoying. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276/7 "2003-03-31T02:30:43Z")
And certainly tone of voice has something to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276/8 "2003-03-31T03:11:33Z")
> [@](#): > > I think whining is complaining without offering a solution. I don’t. As someone said, “If you’re about to pull the pin on a grenade and stuff it down your pants, I’m going to scream at you to stop without writing a position paper.” There are a lot of situations in which a person can be harmed by a bad situation who doesn’t have the technical expertise necessary to propose an effective solution. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276/9 "2003-03-31T05:02:33Z")
Whining is when you do it. Complaining is when I do it. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-whining-and-stating-a-complaint/165276/10 "2003-03-31T06:26:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by twickster47 \* > \*\*And certainly tone of voice has something to do with it. \*\* Exactly! I used to work in a hotel. There were whiners, and there were complainers. We took the latter much more seriously. The whiners were usually imperious, demanding, petulant and rude. They would complain about things we had no control over. “There’s too many kids in the pool!” “Are they misbehaving?” “No, there’s just too many of them!” “The hotel is too near the highway! I can hear cars!” “Well, it’s kind of hard to move a big building such as this, but I’ll make a note of it.” Even when their complaints were valid, such as missing towels, the nasty tone of voice set your teeth on edge. The complainers phrased their concerns in a polite manner. “Excuse me. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you had any different kinds of soap? I seem to be allergic to this one.” “Yes, ma’am. We have a few bars of another brand. I’ll go get you one.” “Can I possibly get another pillow? These ones seem to be a little thin. Thanks!” The way I felt was that even if there was nothing I could really do to help the person, or if their complaint was a bit on the “stupid” side, as long as it was voiced nicely and courteously, we tried to respond as best we could to the situation. Whiners, on the other hand, were mostly ignored.