# What's the difference between worriers and laid-back types? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 27, 2009, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247 "2009-01-27T17:22:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/61 "2009-01-30T21:41:21Z")
I can’t really argue with that. It is, indeed, all relative. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2009, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/62 "2009-01-30T21:46:18Z")
Don’t worry (doo doo doo doo dooooooooo doo doo doo) be happy. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2009, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/63 "2009-01-31T00:24:19Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Don’t you have a tattoo under your shirt? Ohhhh. It’s on my wrist, actually. That way I don’t have to go through the trouble of lifting my shirt. Anxiety and laziness seem to be comorbid conditions in some patients. 😉 I started reading _Learned Optimism_ this week. It’s a pretty good book. Seligman did some amazing work with the learned helplessness dogs, and I’m impressed he took the time to control for common behaviorist theories. The thing I like best so far is that learned optimism isn’t about chanting positive thoughts to yourself all the time. It’s far more important how you deal with setbacks and failures. I think for me that’s key. I am generally a pretty optimistic person, but when I have just the tiniest setback it feels like my life is falling apart and I have a really hard time putting it into perspective. I have a tendency to collapse into ‘‘curse’’ mode – my life is cursed and nothing ever goes right. Sometimes I feel like a conscious force is trying to make life difficult for me. This is so objectively false, but sometimes it’s very hard to be objective. There was a time in my life when I really was helpless to prevent terrible things from happening. It’s comforting to know helplessness can be unlearned. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/64 "2009-02-01T20:12:08Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Don’t worry (doo doo doo doo dooooooooo doo doo doo) be happy. You should be worried. I hate that song so much, I become homicidal when I hear it. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2009, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/65 "2009-02-01T20:29:58Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > You should be worried. I hate that song so much, I become homicidal when I hear it. Ha - you can’t reach me through my monitor so NYEH! _Moons **Anne Neville** with impunity_ ---
**Author:** ![Mojo\_Pin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mojo\_Pin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo_Pin)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2009, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/66 "2009-02-01T23:39:18Z")
I’ll tell you one thing, as both a worrier and a procrastinator: logic has nothing to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2009, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/67 "2009-02-02T14:18:40Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Ha - you can’t reach me through my monitor so NYEH! > > _Moons **Anne Neville** with impunity_ Enjoying the snow? I made it do that… ---
**Author:** ![qsecofr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/13edae/32.png) [@qsecofr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qsecofr)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/68 "2009-02-03T15:44:13Z")
Us worriers are, as my doctor and I discussed - wired differently. My 75 year old mom is a worrier and so am I (49 year old male). So, I’ve been on PAXIL for two or three years and I think I’ll be on it for the rest of my life. It prevents me from worrying too much. PAXIL helped me quit binge drinking every weekend. I was actual self medicating with the alcohol. I’ve been taking 40mg a day since a started and it feels like I could quit tomorrow. PAXIL make me feel like I’m supposed to. My wife is just the opposite of me. A Filipina, she lives in the moment. Our first son is like her to. I noticed this when he came out of the womb and as an infant. My second son is like me however, and this too is something I noticed this when he came out of the womb (what a piercing scream he had) and I also notice it as he grows up. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2009, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/69 "2009-02-03T18:46:28Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > Enjoying the snow? I made it do that… Like I said, day off work! I should be rude to you more often. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2009, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/70 "2009-02-04T12:49:36Z")
I had wanted to participate in this thread more than I have been able. I did want to thank everyone for their comments and perspectives. It has occurred to me – especially after reading through the posts – that my wife is struggling with something more than “simple” worry. What concerns (worries?) me most is the pervasive perception of an “imaginary audience” (see OP for examples). That’s not really part & parcel of the worrying personality, is it? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2009, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/71 "2009-02-04T15:09:18Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > I had wanted to participate in this thread more than I have been able. I did want to thank everyone for their comments and perspectives. > > It has occurred to me – especially after reading through the posts – that my wife is struggling with something more than “simple” worry. What concerns (worries?) me most is the pervasive perception of an “imaginary audience” (see OP for examples). That’s not really part & parcel of the worrying personality, is it? No, I think the imaginary audience is a different aspect of her personality. Worrying about being watched is what makes her a worrier. Thinking she’s being watched is more self-consciousness, shyness, or paranoia. ---
**Author:** ![Flipshod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f19dbf/32.png) [@Flipshod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flipshod)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2009, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/72 "2009-02-04T16:13:33Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > […] > > For the opposing view, I’ll note that entire cultures have been built on worrying behaviors, and often have a very high rate of achievement. Reminds me of the quote: “We are told never to cross a bridge till we come to it, but this world is owned by men who have crossed bridges in their imagination far ahead of the crowd.” ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/73 "2009-02-04T17:21:10Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > .. She believes in “the imaginary audience” and thinks everyone in public is listening to her, talking about her, getting ready to do something to her. > .. > When she attends [school events],… people are talking behind her back, inspecting our children’s clothing too closely, being cliquey, etc. > [@bordelond](#): > > What concerns (worries?) me most is the pervasive perception of an “imaginary audience” That’s not really part & parcel of the worrying personality, is it? IANATherapist and my experience is from the couch side of the equation, so take these comments with a grain of Elavil[sup]®[/sup]. I may be missing the real issue here, but the imaginary audience isn’t really imaginary. People talk about other people all the time and they can be very harsh in their judgements. I suspect that the laid back types react to this as though they were on a celebrity roast and not only laugh it off but inspire others to do the same. The worrier takes comments personally and imagines a never ending dialogue filled with hateful barbs. Obviously there is a continuum between the Buddha and the brooder, but that doesn’t mean that people aren’t talking about you. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/74 "2009-02-04T23:21:26Z")
> [@SiXSwordS](#): > > I may be missing the real issue here, but the imaginary audience isn’t really imaginary. > > People talk about other people all the time and they can be very harsh in their judgements. I call it justifiable paranoia. Yes, whatever you do, there’s someone out there who might notice and there are someones who might say something unkind, in or out of your hearing. Most of us ward such thoughts off with a heaping helping of “Fuck 'em!” ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2009, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/75 "2009-02-04T23:40:49Z")
I just got Seligman’s _Learned Optimism_ (recommended by several posters upthread). I’m looking forward to a little quality time with it. My rather grim pronouncements about confidence and what it takes in this life were not meant as advice, more as a statement of what I hope is _not_ really true about life - ie: a verbal manifestation of worry, sometimes called cynicism. I’m a deep cynic, so I’m probably sublimating a lot of worry I feel no power over, saying “That’s that - no point wishing it weren’t.” Despair at least is the end of worry, but it’s like cutting your lungs out to cure a cough. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/76 "2009-02-05T02:17:44Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > .. Most of us ward such thoughts off with a heaping helping of “Fuck 'em!” This is really hard to address; I don’t have any issue with you and I’m not interested in insulting people, but at the same time I’d like to be able to respond with a grand, old fashioned fuck you. Isn’t that the point? If I feel differently than you then I say… the above? But that isn’t actually acceptable. I understand the idea, but it doesn’t work on a functional level, anymore than saying one should be ‘happy’ works as a proscription against angst. I do understand the concept, but if I don’t already feel laid back, saying fuck 'em doesn’t make me feel better and it doesn’t make me laid back. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/77 "2009-02-05T02:26:17Z")
> [@SiXSwordS](#): > > This is really hard to address; I don’t have any issue with you and I’m not interested in insulting people, but at the same time I’d like to be able to respond with a grand, old fashioned fuck you. I have absolutely no idea where that came from. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/78 "2009-02-05T10:22:22Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I have absolutely no idea where that came from. Me neither. 😕 I think the point being made that **SiXSwordS** found so obectionable was simply another variant of the notion that optimistic and pessimistic people respond to things differently. As one of the former I sometimes suspect that people are talking about me which they might or might not be, but my reaction to that is indeed “if they don’t like me, fuck 'em”. If a person doesn’t like who I am, or doesn’t appear to, and I’m clear for myself I’ve done nothing to merit such disdain, then that very much is their problem and I don’t feel that my value as a person is in any way lessened. If I were a pessimist/worrier that might not be the case, and I might take it very personally and get upset (even if such talking was only in my head). It could even be that people are talking about me and saying nice things, but if I were a pessimist I would be unlikely to think that. We perceive things differently depending on our basic approach to the world, our mind will fill in the blanks accordingly. Why is that such an insulting thing to say? ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/79 "2009-02-05T13:52:58Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > As one of the former I sometimes suspect that people are talking about me which they might or might not be, but my reaction to that is indeed “if they don’t like me, fuck 'em”. I think that nails it. As a laid back person, that is your reaction. It is a result, not a cause. The thread title says, “What’s the difference between worriers and laid back types?” One of the differences is that laid back types seem to think that it is their philosophy that makes the difference and I do not see it. I’ve experienced no end of frustration from approaching others asking how to handle my problems. Some said, “Here, go read this poem to the refrigerator.” 😕 Ok, that didn’t work. I ask my friends and they say, “Just say fuck 'em” But the “fuck 'em” philosophy doesn’t work and it’s pathogenic. It might pass on Monday and Tuesday, but by Saturday I’m alone in my room saying fuck 'em all! > [@](#): > > Why is that such an insulting thing to say? It’s not insulting. But, to me, it seems equivalent to a healthy person walking into a cancer ward and asking, “Have you people tried _not_ having a tumor?” > [@jsgoddess](#): > > I have absolutely no idea where that came from. All other considerations aside, it is obvious that my flailing attempts to express myself resulted in my insulting you and for that you deserve an apology. I am sorry for my course language and oafish behavior. Please forgive me. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247/80 "2009-02-05T14:10:32Z")
> [@SiXSwordS](#): > > It’s not insulting. But, to me, it seems equivalent to a healthy person walking into a cancer ward and asking, “Have you people tried _not_ having a tumor?” I made no equivalent suggestion. I’m not giving advice. I was attempting to explain the difference, since this is a thread started by a _non-worrier_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-difference-between-worriers-and-laid-back-types/483247.md?page=5)