# What's the farthest anyone here has seen someone go to ensure an uninvited guest doesn't show up to an event? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2021, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666 "2021-04-24T03:44:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/1 "2021-04-24T03:44:24Z")
Just tossing this out there for the heck of it. I’ve definitely heard of people hiring an off-duty cop to make sure an ex, or other unwanted relative, didn’t show up to a wedding. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/2 "2021-04-24T10:40:03Z")
Moving this to IMHO, since this is more a question about people’s experience than anything else, and doesn’t have a factual answer. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/3 "2021-04-24T11:49:23Z")
I’m aware of a family where one sibling hired security to keep another sibling from coming to a third sibling’s funeral. Ain’t no hatred like family hatred. ---
**Author:** ![ASGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@ASGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/4 "2021-04-24T11:52:24Z")
I’m not sure this qualifies as “far,” but I was once told specifically by a soon-to-be participant that I was not invited to a social event. “ASGuy, you are NOT INVITED. DO NOT SHOW UP!” It was pretty clear that I shouldn’t show up. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/5 "2021-04-24T13:47:57Z")
> [@ASGuy](#): > > “ASGuy, you are NOT INVITED. DO NOT SHOW UP!” So how was the party? This cracks me up. Not only does the person think not inviting you is inadequate to keep you away, they have to say “You are not invited.” So that’s already redundant. But then they add that last line… The only explanation for which is their belief that if you were told “ASGuy, you are NOT INVITED.", you’d take that as a dare and be determined to show up. So, _would_ you make a point of going to a party that you were firmly told not to attend? ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/6 "2021-04-24T14:06:50Z")
Pearl Harbor? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/7 "2021-04-24T14:09:38Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Moving this to IMHO, since this is more a question about people’s experience than anything else, and doesn’t have a factual answer. I saw this and thought, “Moving, now that’s going to be hard to beat.” But then the response just petered out. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/8 "2021-04-24T14:44:52Z")
😃 (Plus filler text) ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/9 "2021-04-24T15:46:13Z")
In high school a friend was having a party, which he normally invited me to all his parties, but for whatever reason this party in particular was supposed to be kept secret from me despite everyone else in our friend group going. Nobody brought it up but I could obviously tell he was having a party from others who obviously weren’t told to not let me know. Got to the point one of my friends accidentally made mention of what the start time was in front of me but then acted like he was a Cold War Spy blowing his cover by having that “sudden realization” look on his face. So the party presumably happened, I didn’t go, and the guy who didn’t invite me invited me to further parties after that so I have no idea what was so special about that one party. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/10 "2021-04-24T17:31:32Z")
I used to belong to a IRL social club which of course had little subgroups that were more friendly with each other than with the club as a whole. And of course the full club had some especially … irritating … members. So we invented a name for our subgroup / clique: BIONICS. We’d announce to one another that we’re having a BIONICS at e.g. Fred’s Saloon at 5pm on Friday. That is: “By Invitation Only; Never Including Carl or Stan.” Worked a charm to communicate who was, and more importantly wasn’t, to be invited. 😉 I used to live in a secure high-rise condo building. When a friend broke up with his certifiably insane / BPD GF he came to stay with us for a few days. I told our doorman crew that if she showed up she was not to be admitted to the building and if necessary call the cops to have her run off the property. In completely predictable fashion she showed up, wasn’t going to take “no” from the doorman, and ended up going downtown with the police after she wouldn’t take “no” from Officer Friendly and his pals either. BPDs: there ought to be a bounty on them. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2021, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/11 "2021-04-24T22:28:37Z")
What were the circumstances behind that? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2021, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/12 "2021-04-25T00:34:19Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > So the party presumably happened, I didn’t go, and the guy who didn’t invite me invited me to further parties after that so I have no idea what was so special about that one party. It was probably a surprise party, in your honor. With all the secretive preparations they simply forgot to invite you. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2021, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/13 "2021-04-25T09:00:57Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > So the party presumably happened, I didn’t go, and the guy who didn’t invite me invited me to further parties after that so I have no idea what was so special about that one party. If I were that guy, I’d just do that to one person every party, so as to be extra mysterious. ---
**Author:** ![ASGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@ASGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2021, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/14 "2021-04-25T10:17:20Z")
> [@digs](#): > > So how was the party? I didn’t attend the event. It was a field trip for railroad historical people. I was not a historical person at the time but was interested in the depot they were going to visit. I took the “hint” and DID NOT SHOW UP. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2021, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/15 "2021-04-25T17:00:50Z")
My wife is the oldest of four siblings. Father in law is deceased and MIL is still living but is very much proud of her two “rich” children and is herself a narcissist. I can’t answer the OP’s question because we did not show up at the weddings my wife’s rich siblings did not invite her to. The sibling that did show up (he was invited but he still talks to my wife) said there was nothing to keep the “obvious uninvitees” away but then I’m sure both of the offending siblings knew nothing would come of it. ---
**Author:** ![whitetho](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whitetho/32/1059_2.png) [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2021, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/16 "2021-04-25T17:56:32Z")
5-year-old finds out she hasn’t been invited to the royal wedding: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/0efIJOGJKAI/maxresdefault.jpg "Is My Dress for Meghan's Wedding in London? || ViralHog") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0efIJOGJKAI) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2021, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/17 "2021-04-25T23:33:03Z")
I always thought it was beyond bad form to show up at a wedding unless you were formally invited, unless it’s the kind of ceremony where they put up an invitation on the bulletin board at work and they guestimate how many people will show up, and it’s just a cake-and-punch reception anyway. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2021, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/18 "2021-04-25T23:47:21Z")
The wedding, or the reception? The former holds as many people as the venue is physically able to accommodate and the later has a known headcount for food, drink etc., with only limited flex. And I’d suppose it depends on your relationship to the bride or groom or both and why you were non-invited. Psychotic ex-spouses would probably be committing a social _faux pax_ were they to attend. An otherwise unobjectionable parent non-invited in a fit of Bridezilla/Groomzilla pique would be doing everyone involved a favor by attending and modeling grown-up behavior. ---
**Author:** ![cincinnatus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cincinnatus/32/7990_2.png) [@cincinnatus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cincinnatus)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2021, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/19 "2021-04-26T00:11:34Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > certifiably insane / BPD GF BPD, please? ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2021, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666/20 "2021-04-26T00:13:02Z")
Sorry. BPD: > **[Borderline personality disorder](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder)** > > Pages for logged out editors learn more > > > Borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD), is a personality disorder characterized by a long-term pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships, distorted sense of self, and strong emotional reactions. > Those affected often engage in self-harm and other dangerous behaviors, often due to their difficulty with returning their emotional level to a healthy or normal baseline. They may al... GF: > **[Girlfriend](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girlfriend)** > > Pages for logged out editors learn more > > > > A girlfriend is a female friend, acquaintance or partner, usually a female companion with whom one is platonically, romantically, or sexually involved. In a romantic context, this normally signifies a committed relationship where the individuals are not married. Other titles, for example "wife" or "partner", usually signify that the individuals are legally married. The analogous male term is "boyfriend", which almost always implies romantic inv... [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-farthest-anyone-here-has-seen-someone-go-to-ensure-an-uninvited-guest-doesnt-show-up-to-an-event/940666.md?page=2)