# What's the first line in your autobiography? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 26, 2000, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576 "2000-05-26T03:51:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/21 "2000-05-26T15:00:39Z")
I was born on October 14, 1981, precisely 15 years after the inauguration of the Montreal metro system, and 399 years after a date in 1582 which due to the intervention of Pope Gregory did not take place. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/22 "2000-05-26T15:25:44Z")
I’ll guess you’ve heard of me. ---
**Author:** ![WIGGUM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ce7236/32.png) [@WIGGUM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WIGGUM)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/23 "2000-05-26T15:48:47Z")
One score and six years ago… ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/24 "2000-05-26T16:54:45Z")
So there I was, explaining to the nurse that the blanky was too warm, I had an uncomfortable wet feeling in that place down there, and besides, I wanted my num-nums. As always, she pretended not to understand me. I resolved to begin planning my escape then and there… ---
**Author:** ![zut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zut/32/2875_2.png) [@zut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zut)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/25 "2000-05-26T17:03:01Z")
The bright lights inspired a kind of deja vu, the kind of deja vu that reminds you that, as surely as the last time, parading around on the roof, wearing only chaps, with the express intention of attracting anal-probing inter-galactic visitors is a Bad Idea. But I digress. ---
**Author:** ![KP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a9adbd/32.png) [@KP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/26 "2000-05-26T17:18:26Z")
But the first line to Chapter One of a book I wrote when I was 19-20. _ **Chapter 1: Call me Kumar** In Sanskrit, “kumar” means “bachelor”, which carries a prudish Indian undertone of ‘one who must not be trusted sexually.’ Why any parent would choose such name for their firstborn son is beyond me._ ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/27 "2000-05-26T17:46:50Z")
My life is barely interesting enough TO ME to make it worth writing down. What’s your excuse for reading about it? ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/28 "2000-05-26T17:51:01Z")
After a long and peaceful life, replete with riches and happiness, I now set cursor to screen to regale you with my wondrous tale of how an unknown computer drone suddenly, after youth was gone and middle age approaching, achieved fortune and fame behind his wildest dreams. The secret of his success is hereby being revealed to you, the reader, for the low price of $29.99. Compact discs describing the suggested mental exercices (as described in chapters 2, 10, 22 and 66) are available at your local book store or downloadable from our web site. Please have your credit card handy. ---
**Author:** ![tshirts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@tshirts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tshirts)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/29 "2000-05-26T17:51:13Z")
(My autobiography starts there, I think. I’m sort of linear- hate too many flashbacks.) ---
**Author:** ![idiotboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@idiotboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/idiotboy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/30 "2000-05-26T17:59:01Z")
> [@](#): > > “…A long time ago…in a galaxy far, far away…” ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/31 "2000-05-26T18:11:36Z")
Wally! I want to buy your autobiography! Coldfire, when is your’s going to be made into a movie? Oldbroad, Great opening line! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/32 "2000-05-26T18:11:55Z")
Wally! I want to buy your autobiography! Coldfire, when is your’s going to be made into a movie? Oldbroad, Great opening line! ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/33 "2000-05-26T18:19:31Z")
Like everything else in my life my child hood was marked by periods of boredom. I hoped those periods would pass but they didn’t. They just blended into a long tableau of sameness interrupted by moments of interest. I will make it easy on you by concentrating on the good parts. Keith ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/34 "2000-05-26T18:23:29Z")
The road to hell is paved smooth as ice to a soul in fluffy cotton slippers. No matter how comfortable the slippers are though, it’s good to realise the road is also paved _downwards_! One only realises these types of things when one has reached the bottom though, so listen carefully to a tale that will make you think again before you place your next foot upon the path that leads from outside the doorway of your shelter… ---
**Author:** ![labdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5fc32e/32.png) [@labdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/labdude)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/35 "2000-05-26T21:26:56Z")
“Careful? Was my mother being careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a coathanger before I was even born.” ---
**Author:** ![Snark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Snark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2000, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/36 "2000-05-27T05:58:00Z")
“It was a dark and stormy night…” ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2000, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/37 "2000-05-27T10:17:14Z")
There once was a man from Nantuck… ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2000, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/38 "2000-05-27T13:39:27Z")
"Roquefort? This is _Gorgonzola!"_ – Uke the Hack (thanks, Shirl, I love you too) ---
**Author:** ![Koffing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Koffing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koffing)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/39 "2000-05-28T03:56:30Z")
“It was the best of times. It was the blurst of times.” ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2000, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576/40 "2000-05-28T04:56:04Z")
I can’t believe I survived long enough to write this… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-first-line-in-your-autobiography/20576.md?page=3)