# What's the funniest thing Sam Vimes ever said \[or best discworld line thread\]
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [March 29, 2003, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992 "2003-03-29T08:01:44Z")
**Posts on this page:** 11
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@flapcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flapcats)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2003, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/1 "2003-03-29T08:01:44Z")
I rather like this OP, says it all.
Vimes doesn’t often say funny lines. His remarks are funny mainly in context only. Also I find it hard to recall exact lines from Diskworld books - only that I can’t put one down once I start it.
Death has the best lines, but mainly becuase of the situation:
“A certain realization dawned on him.
‘Oh,’ he said.
YES, said Death.
‘Not even time to finish my cake?’
NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.”
---
### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2003, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/2 "2003-03-29T09:10:08Z")
huh?
where did my OP go?
Here it is…
\*\*\*Without a doubt my favourite character from the Discworld
books is Sir Samuel Vimes Duke of Ankh, Commander of the
City Watch, Blackboard Monitor. (my screen name was chosen
before I discovered vimes)
I want to know what the Discworld fans of the SDMB, based on
the assumption that they’ve read more of the books than me,
think is the funniest shortish thing Vimes [or anyone else]
has ever said. I want to use it as a sig.
Fire away.
(in a rush sorry not longer OP thanks)
* * *
---
### Author:  [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2003, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/3 "2003-03-29T10:40:54Z")
I can’t remember the exact line, but my favorite Discworld line is in “Interesting Times”, the one where Rincewind talks about how the guy most promoting revolution is the one behind the biggest rock with an arrow-proof helmet.
---
### Author:  [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2003, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/4 "2003-03-29T11:00:42Z")
There’s a page of Pratchett quotes [here.](http://www.angelfire.com/sc2/leadrache/Quotes/books/Pratchett.html)
One _about_ Vimes:
> [@](#):
>
> Vimes in Uberwald will be more amusing than an armorous armadillo in a bowling alley. – The Patrician, _The Fifth Elephant_
---
### Author:  [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/5 "2003-03-29T17:10:30Z")
I’ve often used variants on: “She wasn’t lost, she knew where she was, it’s just that everywhere else didn’t.”
And: “If we had oars, we could row, if we knew where we were going.”
And: “Whatever music she was playing, she was definitely losing.”
---
### Author:  [@CadburyAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CadburyAngel)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/6 "2003-03-29T19:39:02Z")
I haven’t had the opportunity to slip “You need three witches for a coven. Two witches is just an argument” into pagan circle meetings yet, but my day will come.
---
### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/7 "2003-03-29T20:09:00Z")
“I’m saving up for a house.”
-Nightwatch
---
### Author:  [@Shortie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shortie)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/8 "2003-03-29T20:58:42Z")
Oneliners:
The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
-Hogfather
Just because it’s not nice doesn’t mean it’s not miraculous.
-Interesting Times
And my vote for a exchange (Vimes \ Death) goes something like:
“Aren’t you ever going to do anything to help me?”
“YES”
“When?”
“WHEN THE PAIN BECOMES TOO MUCH TOO BEAR.
AH, EVEN AS I SAY THIS I REALISE THAT ISN’T EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEANT.”
---
### Author:  [@big\_yellow\_kingswood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/big_yellow_kingswood)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2003, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/9 "2003-03-29T23:41:30Z")
“Psst”, said the voice.
“Not very,” said Rincewind, “but I’m working on it.”
---
### Author:  [@big\_yellow\_kingswood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/big_yellow_kingswood)
#### Post date: [March 29, 2003, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/10 "2003-03-29T23:42:56Z")
Oh, I almost forgot:
“We’re on a mission from Glod”
---
### Author:  [@TheRealJohnPeat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheRealJohnPeat)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-funniest-thing-sam-vimes-ever-said-or-best-discworld-line-thread/164992/11 "2003-03-30T01:25:59Z")
There’s a particularly good one in the current book (Night Watch) where Sweeper (the time monk) is trying to explain time, causality and quantum physics to Vimes…
“Sorry - but it’s not easy to explain Quantum in a language originally designed to tell other monkeys where the ripest fruit is”
🙂
TTFN
JP