What's the hardest thing you've ever done?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61
  1. Having to put a much-loved pet to sleep.
  2. Having to appeal to the court to appoint a guardian for my parents, who have advanced dementia.
  3. Arranging to have them put in a nursing home against their will (which will be happening in the next couple weeks). More fun to come having to close up their house, put that house up for sale, and plan for funerals.
  4. Not being able to give someone I love very much something that would make him happy.

Not being able to do a damn thing to fix things for people I love is very, very hard.

62

Thank you, and I’m sorry.

Worth a mention is when I had to hike a couple miles up a mountain, in the snow, in early January, to recover a rolled-over Jeep. Had to pack up cable winches, numerous T-posts (and a T-post driver!), shovels, picks and oil/fuel/tools to turn it over, get it restarted and drive it out.

Only took about 7 hours, but if felt like 12.

63

Physically, it would have to be a tie of pulling suckers off tobacco for two days to make gas money to begin a new job two days later or going through surgical repair and physical rehabilitation of multiple fractures of my left foot and leg from an auto accident in my teens.

Mentally, it would be taking over a project that I knew little about after a colleague had botched it miserably.

Emotionally, it would be between walking out on an SO of nine years and burying another SO of eight years.

If what doesn’t kill us only serves to make us stronger, a lot of the folks in this thread are in the Atlas class.

64

I can only assume this isn’t some radical new anti-smoking technique..

65

Hardest thing long therm, both mentally and physically: Keeping my career afloat this last year and a half, working superhuman hours to make ends meet. Back on track now.

Hardest thing short term: Passing a 6 mm kidney stone, which after three months, had to be removed.

I’d also say raising kids qualifies as one of the hardest things to adjust to and deal with day to day, but so far, it hasn’t been anything unsurmountable; and ultimately so worth it.

66

Getting through the last three years has been unbelievably agonizing. Finding out that my ex was abusing my precious Celtling. Facing the derision, accusation, and outright incompetence of the police, CPS, and the family court system. Cleaning out my retirement, savings, selling every item I had so carefully cherished all the years, and even maxing out the good will of my friends and family by borrowing every penny they could spare. Giving all this money to lawyers who hold out very little hope of actually keeping her safe in the long run, but are very good at delaying the process. (Which means more money for them, of course.) Watching quietly and despairingly as he successfully charms every expert and officer of the court involved in the process.

Many times in my life I have lived under the sword of Damocles for one reason or another, and it sucked. But watching it hang over the head of your precious child. Living day-to-day with the horror and terror that a court is going to order you to leave your child in the hands of a known abuser. Reading the stories of the other protective parents, who every day are forced to make the decision: Will I deliver this child to abuse every other weekend, and keep him/her safe for the other 12 days of the fortnight; or will I defy the court order, keep my child safe for today, knowing that I’ll end up in jail and the abuser will get custody and the child will be in danger every day from now on? The responsible choice is obvious. Repugnant, but obvious Forcibly ripping out your own soul and remaking yourself into a person who is capable of making that choice.

And oh, by the way: Live with the terror but never get caught acting in a way that can be described as “disordered”, or “hysterical” because if you do your child will be in danger. Don’t tell anyone because if you do you’ll be guilty of slander, and your child will be in danger.

Be a single parent, with every extra penny torn from your grasp by the legal process and the so-called extperts who will be poking and prodding you and your child, looking for excuses to take her away from you and give her to the abuser. Keep the house inspection-ready at all times, because they will drop in unexpectedly, and if they find dishes in your sink, the child will be in danger. Make sure that she goes to soccer and ballet and playdates, because otherwise you’ll be accused of neglect and the child will be in danger. Get her to supervised visitation on the dot of 10:00am every Saturday, or the child will be in danger. Get to the parental assessment appointment every Sunday afternoon on the dot of 2:00 or the child will be in danger. Drop her off for school on time every morning or you’ll be accused of irresponsibility and the child will be in danger. Add “reunification therapy” appointments one weeknight every week and get her there on time or the child will be in danger.

And above all, make sure you keep the child safe while maintaining the impression that you actually want her to have a relationship with this psychopathic abuser, or you’ll be diagnosed as an “Alienator” which is the absolute surest way to assure that your child will be in danger. And everything you have done to protect her will be used as proof that you are an alienator.

This situation has changed everything I thought I knew about people. About the society I live in, about how my tax dollars are used, and who I thought my friends and family are. And who I thought I was, or maybe who I used to be.

67

Jesus, TruCelt. That sounds abysmal. I hope you can keep navigating and maintaining until things even out.

Apparently your abusive ex hasn’t been charged on anything?

68

Emotionally: Having to tell my daughter that her father, who she adores, was having a affair and that was why we were divorcing. (she was 30, not a child) Enduring the pain of the affair and divorce after 33 years of marriage was pretty bad, too, but telling her was the worst.

Physically: the pain of pancreatitis from a gallbladder that seemed intent on killling me off and on for a year. Childbirth paled in comparison.

Mentally, as in requiring sheer force of will to go on: nursing school. It required a level of dedication I’d never had to call on before.

69

There’s no hard evidence. If there were he’d be in prison.

70

Physically - Digging a stuck CAT D-4 dozer out of a pine needle bog. In the snow with hand tools.

I had rented it to redo my driveway. My brother got it stuck. The scary part was that freezing weather was upon us, and we where afraid that if we got a hard freeze, it would be next to impossible to get out unless we could somehow get another, bigger dozer (not likely).

It was a very long, cold muddy day.

In looking at this thread, I guess I’ve been pretty lucky.

71

In retrospect the hardest thing I’ve ever managed to do was forgive my mom for her physical, verbal and emotional abuse. Two things helped: a loving husband who knows the proper response to an accidental broken glass is not a three hour screaming fest and recitation of my supposed enormous flaws but a broom and a mop. Also when a friend from grade school got in touch about a year ago and then asked why I was still speaking to my mom as she remembered my mom’s horrible comments and saw the blood on the back of my head where she’d hit me one day. The confirmation that it wasn’t all in my head was an enormous relief. I suppose all I really wanted was someone to confirm that I had not made up the whole thing as my father has always insisted.

I am proud to write that I’ve managed to become a fully functional adult. My mom has even managed a bit of adulthood of her own late in life to the point where she’s actually a pretty good grandmother to my kids.

72

Watching my 23 year-old son fall to pieces at his father’s funeral - when they hadn’t spoken in 7 years. He had to absorb the fact that he would never have the chance to repair the situation, when in his youth he believed he had the luxury of time.

Putting my health issues (mostly invisible) aside and ignoring the inconvenience and pain to keep working - without letting on. On that note, keeping my mood temperate when a staff member wants to take a week off because her doctor told her she has eczema.

73

And your assumption would be correct. :stuck_out_tongue:

Even as someone who grew up accustomed to hard work in agriculture, it was the most backbreaking physical labor I’ve ever done.

74

Losing my beloved husband. We were so in love.

75

:frowning:

Your posts about his unexpected illness were incredibly moving. I think any Doper who read them will never forget him.

76

That is the most wonderful thing anyone could have said. Thank you so much.

77

Especially if they met him. (And you.)

78

Losing 18 pounds on the P90X program over a period of about 5 months. However, gaining it back was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done! :frowning:

79

Word.

Otherwise, mentally:
Surviving a major bipolar event…so far.
Quitting smoking.

Physically:
Riding the Deer Creek Challenge (A bicycle ride. 100+ miles, 12,000+ feet of elevation. At altitude). I hated it so much I’m doing it again this year. :wink:

80

Mentally: coming to terms with the fact that my marriage was really and truly not salvageable.

Physically: I don’t really know. I’m pretty damn lazy. The four-hour car ride I took with a bad stomach flu stands out at the moment.