# What's the laziest way to get leaves off a lawn? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 25, 2010, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964 "2010-09-25T03:23:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/21 "2010-09-25T21:13:32Z")
Wait for the landlady to decide it needs doing and hire somebody to rake 'em. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/22 "2010-09-25T23:42:14Z")
I’ll go with flame thrower for 500, Alex. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/23 "2010-09-26T00:53:07Z")
The lawn n’ garden guy on his radio show advised last October, “leave 'em on the lawn, they provide important nutrients!” April comes, and what does he say? “Get out there when the weather dries up, lift the flat slabs of dead leaves off your lawn with a rake or pitchfork, or they’ll ruin it!” Well, which is it? Rake? Not Rake? Can alway hope it’ll start snowing the day after Halloween, a not unusual occurrence. ---
**Author:** ![Enuma\_Elish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Enuma\_Elish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enuma_Elish)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/24 "2010-09-26T03:32:45Z")
1. Sit on a lawn chair in the middle of your yard. 2. Start talking about how Bret Favre is the greatest quarterback of all time. 3. The leaves will leave of their own volition. ---
**Author:** ![audit1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@audit1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/audit1)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/25 "2010-09-26T03:49:22Z")
Get one 747-400. Park at edge of lawn. Start engines. No leaves ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/26 "2010-09-26T04:07:07Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Do nothing. The leaves will rot. And you can declare it fertilizer. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/27 "2010-09-26T04:30:10Z")
Inspired by a true story: Step one: obtain leaf blower. Step two: blow leaves into neighbor’s yard. ETA: If you try this, your neighbor may retaliate in kind and you’ll end up with two yards worth of leaves to clean up. (But the lingering guilt apparently got said neighbor to use his snowblower to clear my parent’s sidewalk and driveway that winter!) ---
**Author:** ![dzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzero)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/28 "2010-09-26T05:43:41Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Do nothing. The leaves will rot. Or, to paraphrase, just _leave_ them alone. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/29 "2010-09-26T16:01:30Z")
Move. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/30 "2010-09-26T16:56:56Z")
> [@sitchensis](#): > > Lawn mower, you have to do it anyway That’s what I do. And my mower turns it all into mulch. Win-win. ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/31 "2010-09-26T17:16:05Z")
Have your SO do it. > [@audit1](#): > > Get one 747-400. Park at edge of lawn. Start engines. No leaves No house either. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/32 "2010-09-26T17:21:30Z")
1. Acquire mineral rights to your land. 2. Discover diamonds. 3. Lease mining rights to DeBeers or BHP. 4. Observe conversion of property to open-pit mine. 5. Rake in profits, not leaves. ---
**Author:** ![Bayesian\_Empirimancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@Bayesian\_Empirimancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayesian_Empirimancer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/33 "2010-09-26T17:45:35Z")
Build a moat around the property. Filled with Lava. At least the home owners association will be more inclined to comment on the moat than the leaves. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/34 "2010-09-26T17:50:33Z")
There’s a lot of great ideas here, but most don’t fulfill the prime directive – laziness. I would just LOVE a lava filled moat, but it seems on first glance to be a whole lot of work. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/35 "2010-09-26T18:32:15Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > The lawn n’ garden guy on his radio show advised last October, “leave 'em on the lawn, they provide important nutrients!” April comes, and what does he say? “Get out there when the weather dries up, lift the flat slabs of dead leaves off your lawn with a rake or pitchfork, or they’ll ruin it!” Well, which is it? Rake? Not Rake? > > Can alway hope it’ll start snowing the day after Halloween, a not unusual occurrence. Well, if you have enough leaves that you can lift a flat slab of them with a pitchfork, you need to cut them up before you leave them on the lawn; that thick a leaf cover is going to smother out your grass. A thinner layer of leaves is fine to just leave, though it looks nicer raked or mowed or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Deeg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/deeg/32/2955_2.png) [@Deeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deeg)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/36 "2010-09-27T02:11:32Z")
> [@audit1](#): > > Get one 747-400. Park at edge of lawn. Start engines. No leaves I like the way you think! Nothing says lazy better than turning on 50,000 pounds of thrust to blow away leaves. Here are some more ideas from my co-workers: [ul] [li]Install a large hadron collider under the lawn and create miniature black holes to suck up the leaves before they wink out of existence. Mind the dog![/li][li]Dig a bottomless pit that takes up your whole yard. Leaves fall in and never come out.[/li][li]Throw a large party. Revelers pick up leaves as party favors on their way out.[/li][li]Genetically alter the trees to not drop leaves.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/37 "2010-09-27T02:15:30Z")
Find a 12yr old, offer him $20 to do the job. Realistically, he’s unlikely to do a really terrific job for $20. All you have to do is tidy up what he missed and you’re done and look like a hero! $20? Definitely worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/38 "2010-09-27T02:18:58Z")
Important questions: Do you, the home owner, need to survive the leaf removal process? Does the home need to survive the leaf removal process? Does the yard need to survive the leaf removal process? Does your neighborhood need to survive the leaf removal process? Does Earth need to survive the leaf removal process? I cannot propose the most efficient means without answers to these questions. ---
**Author:** ![dzeiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/46a35a/32.png) [@dzeiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzeiger)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/39 "2010-09-27T04:22:22Z")
[quote=“Richard\_Pearse, post:12, topic:554964”] > [@Deeg](#): > > [ul] > [li]Print a unique number on every leaf, then hold a raffle. Winner gets $100, tickets are free–players just need to pick up the tickets themselves.[/ul][/li][/QUOTE] > > This is great, though while you’re busy printing numbers on the leaves you could just put them in the rubbish instead of back on the lawn. Alternately avoid the printing altogether and just pay someone $100 to rake them up. Put a sign up saying $100 to whoever finds the leaf with the gold star, but leaves must be disposed of when they are picked up and looked at. After all the leaves have been thrown away with no star found, act surprised, declare that the star must have fallen off or not been noticed, and just split the $100 between whoever’s left. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964/40 "2010-09-27T16:06:25Z")
> [@Deeg](#): > > [ul] > [li]Install a large hadron collider under the lawn and create miniature black holes to suck up the leaves before they wink out of existence. Mind the dog![/li] > [/ul] Surely the real danger is to the cat: it could end up half-live and half-dead. Other possibilities: -Coat lawn with Teflon, let leaves slip off lawn. -Ignore leaves until you can’t stand it no more. Then sell house, buy new one (with clear lawns). Repeat as needed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-laziest-way-to-get-leaves-off-a-lawn/554964.md?page=3)