# What's the least repulsive crime I could commit that would guarantee me life imprisonment? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 26, 2016, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259 "2016-01-26T13:43:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2016, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/21 "2016-01-26T19:16:43Z")
I’ve always wondered, is this actually something that happens? I mean, people just getting fed up with the struggle, and committing some crime just to not have to worry about a roof over their head, and three meals a day? It’s probably rather common among the homeless, but how about just as a ‘getting out’ kind of deal? But then again, apparently [there’s no night out in the jail](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKtPuMgVSq4)… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2016, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/22 "2016-01-26T19:18:33Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > In the UK, you could probably have a crack at **treason felony** Avoid treason if you want to stay out of supermaxes. Anybody who commits treason almost automatically ends up in a high security unit for their own safety. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2016, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/23 "2016-01-26T19:21:13Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Yeah, I’m thinking botched bank robbery with a loaded gun is your ticket here. > > The way to make this work is to get out your gun, make all the customers get down on the floor for that extra kidnapping/hostage taking sentence boost. Demand your customary sack of money. But then demand that they open the safety deposit boxes for you. Pretend not to understand why they can’t do that, and stand around doing a lot of demanding. When you hear the sirens, set your gun carefully down on the floor and put your hands over your head and apologize to everyone you’ve inconvenienced. > > The flaw in this plan is that you really will terrify a lot of people. And the cops will be in no mood to reason with you, you never know when some trigger happy rookie will just start blasting you while you stand there with your hands up. As a bonus, bank robbery is a crime where you have a very high chance of being caught and convicted. ---
**Author:** ![Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/do_not_taunt/32/2968_2.png) [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Do_Not_Taunt)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2016, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/24 "2016-01-26T19:21:16Z")
In The Wire, the police were trying to use a potentially heavy sentence (25 years? 30 years?) as leverage against a corrupt baddie. The crime? Lying on a mortgage application. Specifically, stating that he hadn’t taken funds from anyone else, when the baddie’s mother had transferred some cash to his account shortly before the transaction. (I may be fuzzy on the details.) That’s pretty damn unrepulsive. The problems with this: - It may not be true in the real world (IANAL) - It’s not strictly speaking a life sentence - Cops/prosecutors may not bother with this unless they were trying to gain leverage against you for something else ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2016, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/25 "2016-01-26T19:34:18Z")
> [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](#): > > In The Wire, the police were trying to use a potentially heavy sentence (25 years? 30 years?) as leverage against a corrupt baddie. The crime? Lying on a mortgage application. Specifically, stating that he hadn’t taken funds from anyone else, when the baddie’s mother had transferred some cash to his account shortly before the transaction. (I may be fuzzy on the details.) > > That’s pretty damn unrepulsive. The problems with this: > > - It may not be true in the real world (IANAL) > - It’s not strictly speaking a life sentence > - Cops/prosecutors may not bother with this unless they were trying to gain leverage against you for something else I don’t recall that scene from _The Wire_. But an acquaintance of mine was convicted in connection with a $4 million mortgage fraud. He was one of a group that did something I didn’t quite understand. Something with straw purchases of some luxury properties. I think he “only” ended up getting about 2.5 years. The OP might have to work at it to get up to a life sentence through mortgage fraud. On the positive side for the OP, my acquaintance’s wife said the minimum security prison he was in was not too awful. She said it looked more like a dorm, the inmates got to wear street clothes, etc. I guess it was OK except for that part about not being able to leave when you wanted to. Also, he was incarcerated several hundred miles from his home, so he hardly got to see his wife and kids. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2016, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/26 "2016-01-26T19:43:28Z")
> [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](#): > > I’ve always wondered, is this actually something that happens? I mean, people just getting fed up with the struggle, and committing some crime just to not have to worry about a roof over their head, and three meals a day? It’s probably rather common among the homeless, but how about just as a ‘getting out’ kind of deal? Three squares a day and a roof over your head is attractive for people who are down and out, but for plenty of people who already have that, the grail they seek is health care. [This guy robbed a bank (for $1)](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2404392/Homeless-man-holds-bank-1-jail-medical-attention.html) so he could get medical treatment in jail. Ultimately the charges against him were dismissed; not clear if that happened before or after he received the treatment he was looking for. [This article](http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/02/on-purposely-getting-arrested-to-get-life-saving-surgery/273282/) includes the story of a guy who was diagnosed with a serious condition while in prison, and then was released before he could get it treated; he ostentatiously stole some lotion from a store, got arrested, and told the judge he needed a year in jail just so he could receive treatment; the judge obliged. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/27 "2016-01-27T10:03:20Z")
> [@peedin](#): > > Wasn’t this the basis for the O. Henry story “The Cop and the Anthem?” Of course the story was written in 1904 and the homeless man was trying to get arrested before winter. So his crime of sleeping on a park bench might not be severe enough in 2016. The medical press reported a high death rate in WA.Aus when they decriminalised public drunkness, and that in the 1980’s. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/28 "2016-01-27T11:57:16Z")
Slightly bending the OP, but there are a bunch of crimes you could trivially do that would get you a decade or more in prison, then rinse repeat. e.g. Go to the local police precinct and complain that no shopkeeper will accept your money; then produce a big wad of $100 bills you printed out. They don’t need to be good copies. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/29 "2016-01-27T12:38:45Z")
There was this story of some Amish who got arrested and sent to jail but they ended up kicking them out of jail because the Amish were enjoying electricity and not having to do sunrise to sunset farm work. Their are some criminals who have been in so long they just cannot make it on the outside anymore and thus do a crime to go back in. Years ago their was a video leaked out from a prison in Illinois where some guy was bragging about how great he had it. Sex with his boyfriend. Drugs smuggled in. Plus never having to work. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/30 "2016-01-27T13:01:11Z")
We don’t have supermaxes as such in the UK, although we have some high security ‘prisons within a prison’. As for non-repulsive crime, well even huge white collar crime will be most unlikely to get you a ‘whole life’ tariff. You need to realise that a ‘life sentence’ is in fact a period of incarceration followed by being out in society on specific licence conditions - it does not mean being in prison for the remainder of your life. Look up the list of ‘whole life tariff’ prisoners for the UK - no matter what you think of the rat race, you will note the sorts of offences that attract a ‘life means life’ sentence. I really cannot think of a crime that is short of heinous murder that would get you an intended remainder of life in prison, unless you decide to look for some extremely unpopular individuals who have committed awful crimes, such as Michael Winner or Simon Cowell - I reckon if you took a few of those out then you might get the appreciation you crave and a whole life tariff. Please note, for the irony impaired, this is not entirely serious ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/31 "2016-01-27T17:58:40Z")
Take a piss on the bushes at the local elementary school, but be cool about it and do at night when no one is there to see you. Might get you labeled as a predatory sex offender. You won’t get a life sentence, but after your prison term perhaps an on-going detainment (not incarceration) in a mental health facility because no politician wants to be the one who "let the sex offenders free!’ There are people here in Minnesota who have been detained long past their prison terms for treatment, and no one has been set free (until recently). The district judge in the area has taken a rather dim view of this practice and told the state to come up with a plan besides “life” for sex offenders, but no changes yet. He might free them himself. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/32 "2016-01-27T18:23:41Z")
I am thinking some sort of illegal drug crime where there is a high minimum mandatory sentence. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/33 "2016-01-27T19:52:16Z")
I was thinking you could stop paying your taxes and then make it a public issue by loudly making the sovereign citizen argument. It’s actually pretty hard to get sent to jail for unpaid taxes but the government will do it if you make it clear you’re willfully doing it as a protest. So make sure you publicly encourage other people to follow your example. The problem is you’re probably going to have to commit yourself to being a repeat offender. The maximum sentence for a single count of tax evasion is five years. So you’re going to have to refuse to pay for several consecutive years if you want a long sentence. ---
**Author:** ![Andrew\_21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bcef8e/32.png) [@Andrew\_21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andrew_21)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/34 "2016-01-27T23:38:17Z")
Commit three crimes in [Texas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-strikes_law). "Texas has had a three-strikes with mandatory life sentence since at least 1952. ``` In Rummel v. Estelle (1980), the Supreme Court upheld Texas' statute, which arose from a case involving a refusal to repay $120.75 paid for air conditioning repair that was, depending on the source cited, either considered unsatisfactory or not performed at all, where the defendant had been convicted of two prior felony convictions, and where the total amount involved from all three felonies was around $230" ``` ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/35 "2016-01-27T23:59:26Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > There was this story of some Amish who got arrested and sent to jail but they ended up kicking them out of jail because the Amish were enjoying electricity and not having to do sunrise to sunset farm work. > > Their are some criminals who have been in so long they just cannot make it on the outside anymore and thus do a crime to go back in. > > Years ago their was a video leaked out from a prison in Illinois where some guy was bragging about how great he had it. Sex with his boyfriend. Drugs smuggled in. Plus never having to work. The video featured Richard Speck, which was why the story got so much coverage. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/36 "2016-01-28T00:10:01Z")
You can’t go to prison just because you don’t pay your taxes, nor will you go to prison for loudly protesting about taxes. What gets people sent to prison is falsifying tax documents. Like, on the line where it says to put your income you put -0- because you think income only means income earned in territories, and you live in a state, and the 16th Amendment and Ohio and blah blah blah. Ooops, now you’ve committed tax fraud. Now you can go to prison. If you just put down -0- and shut up about it, maybe no one will notice, unless your employer reported your wages to the IRS, which they will because those are expenses and they are only taxed on profits. Point is, there’s a big difference between not paying your taxes, which means your paycheck gets garnished and your bank accounts frozen and so on, and tax fraud, which means you go to prison. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259/37 "2016-01-28T01:13:35Z")
> [@Andrew\_21](#): > > Commit three crimes in [Texas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-strikes_law). > > "Texas has had a three-strikes with mandatory life sentence since at least 1952. > > ``` > In Rummel v. Estelle (1980), the Supreme Court upheld Texas' statute, which arose from a case involving a refusal to repay $120.75 paid for air conditioning repair that was, depending on the source cited, either considered unsatisfactory or not performed at all, where the defendant had been convicted of two prior felony convictions, and where the total amount involved from all three felonies was around $230" > > ``` This is what I was going to say. It’s not just Texas - there are lots of states with similar statutes. I grew up in California hearing similar stories of people sentenced to life for minor crimes because they’d already used up their first two strikes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-least-repulsive-crime-i-could-commit-that-would-guarantee-me-life-imprisonment/744259.md?page=1)