# What's the manliest weapon? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 3, 2014, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259 "2014-04-03T15:45:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/41 "2014-04-03T19:05:51Z")
The correct answer is bare hands is the manliest weapon. Who’s more manly: a man who fights a lion with his bare hands or a man who fights a lion with a gun? A gun may be more effective but bare hands is more manly. But if you insist on a weapon, then a cannon is the manliest weapon. [But](http://www.military-history.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Ozutsu.jpg) [only](http://www.toy-factory.ca/wp/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/PIRATE-CARRYING-CANNON-39439-300x200.jpg) [if](http://www.peterfrancisco.org/photos/plog-content/images/gallery/printed-matter/stamp.jpg) [it’s](http://coolvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Fantasy-Art-paul-dainton-ogre-cannons.jpg) [handheld](http://cdn.instructables.com/F99/8KKF/GO5IHMPK/F998KKFGO5IHMPK.LARGE.jpg). If you’re not manly enough to go into battle carrying a thousand pound cannon tucked under your arm, then stay home, pretty boy. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/42 "2014-04-03T19:13:39Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > What is that, 10 minutes of the same 10-second set of clips repeated over and over? Who watches stuff like that? Beats me. It just happened to be the first Predator clip I saw. Maybe the question is who the hell sits around making that stuff? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/43 "2014-04-03T19:15:00Z")
The claymore. It’s a giant metal dick that you shove into the bloodied holes you’ve opened up in other people. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/44 "2014-04-03T19:15:21Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > The correct answer is bare hands is the manliest weapon. Who’s more manly: a man who fights a lion with his bare hands or a man who fights a lion with a gun? A gun may be more effective but bare hands is more manly. > > But if you insist on a weapon, then a cannon is the manliest weapon. [But](http://www.military-history.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Ozutsu.jpg) [only](http://www.toy-factory.ca/wp/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/PIRATE-CARRYING-CANNON-39439-300x200.jpg) [if](http://www.peterfrancisco.org/photos/plog-content/images/gallery/printed-matter/stamp.jpg) [it’s](http://coolvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Fantasy-Art-paul-dainton-ogre-cannons.jpg) [handheld](http://cdn.instructables.com/F99/8KKF/GO5IHMPK/F998KKFGO5IHMPK.LARGE.jpg). If you’re not manly enough to go into battle carrying a thousand pound cannon tucked under your arm, then stay home, pretty boy. I stand by the hand-held rotary auto-cannon. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/45 "2014-04-03T19:23:29Z")
Running away sobbing and telling your dad. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/46 "2014-04-03T19:40:11Z")
Having reviewed all candidates, I must stay with the guy who talks the other guy into peeing on an electric fence. ---
**Author:** ![Doyle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doyle/32/439_2.png) [@Doyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doyle)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/47 "2014-04-03T19:55:55Z")
[Battle Axe](http://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/1/5/1/2/5/0/webimg/363872131_tp.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/48 "2014-04-03T20:01:33Z")
[A 2-handed longsword.](https://www.google.com/search?q=claymore+conan&num=20&newwindow=1&client=firefox-a&hs=8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=-709U9nsEafTsAT8xoCwDQ&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAQ&biw=1120&bih=565#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=VBALtcTb0dNLrM%253A%3BJdIEaIqgqhMACM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.weapons-universe.com%252FBrands%252FMarto%252FConan%252FConan_Resurrected-3.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.weapons-universe.com%252FSwords.shtml%3B550%3B235) The thighbone of a horse or other large animal. A large wooden club. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/49 "2014-04-03T20:31:40Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > The thighbone of a horse or other large animal. A large wooden club. Perhaps the[jaw bone of an ass.](http://biblehub.com/judges/15-16.htm) Samson took out a thousand guys. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/50 "2014-04-03T20:48:38Z")
Obviously, any weapon is only manly if the opponent has access to weapons of at least equal power. That said, in no particular order: 1. A fighter plane. But not one of the new-fangled pansy ones where a computer does the actual flying. Biplanes, P-38s, early jets, X-Wings in manual mode, all good. A not-fully-debugged test model is best in any case, of course. 2. Fists. 3. Automatic weapons, as long as a) the opponent has them, too b) they’re bigger than a MAC-10 or Uzi, which are unmanly. Anything smaller than a Tommy gun is marginal, (unless it’s a submachine gun taken off of the body of a Nazi guard. Then it’s manly as heck), and c)you’re supporting them yourself; no tripods or bipods or anything. Real men shoot .30 caliber MGs from the hip. ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/51 "2014-04-03T20:53:14Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Perhaps the[jaw bone of an ass.](http://biblehub.com/judges/15-16.htm) > > Samson took out a thousand guys. 🙂 That’s always seemed like an odd-shaped, unwieldy weapon. Did he maybe cut it in half at the jaw or something? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/52 "2014-04-03T20:57:13Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > That’s always seemed like an odd-shaped, unwieldy weapon. Did he maybe cut it in half at the jaw or something? I’ve heard it refers to a type of weapon, not an actual jaw bone. Maybe that was here on the board, not sure, don’t know the answer. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/53 "2014-04-03T21:25:59Z")
> [@I\_Know\_Nothing](#): > > chainsaw …strapped on the end of one arm, and on your back a twelve-gauge, double-barreled, Remington with a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/54 "2014-04-03T21:35:35Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > I’ve heard it refers to a type of weapon, not an actual jaw bone. Maybe that was here on the board, not sure, don’t know the answer. Couldn’t find anything on the subject from a quick search. The actual jawbone of an ass would be heavy, but doesn’t seem like a great weapon unless you attach to a handle to make something like a mace. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/55 "2014-04-03T21:56:14Z")
Bat’leth _“QI’yaH!!”_ ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/56 "2014-04-03T22:25:00Z")
The [M-29 Davy Crockett Weapon System](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davy_Crockett_(nuclear_device)). Even at its maximum range, the operator got a serious dose of radiation. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/57 "2014-04-03T22:26:50Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Couldn’t find anything on the subject from a quick search. The actual jawbone of an ass would be heavy, but doesn’t seem like a great weapon unless you attach to a handle to make something like a mace. Maybe it was meant to illustrate Samson’s badassery. Imagine: Holy shit, he defeated the whole _army?_ What the hell did he have? \*Nothing. Nothing at all, except the jawbone of an ass. \* On a stick? \*Nope. In his hand. \* Attached to a rope? Or sharpened to a pointy bit? _Not even, just a clumsy, blunt jawbone with flat teeth_ You mean a jawbone of an ass with freakin’ lasers attached to it? \*No, just the jawbone. \* WTF man, maybe we should go back to farming. > [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Bat’leth > > _“QI’yaH!!”_ Shouldn’t you– **Fear Itself** –have just popped into the thread and waved? ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/58 "2014-04-03T22:35:25Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Anyone who thinks the tongue is the manliest weapon has never been in an argument with a woman. \*“You are old,” said the youth, “and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher than suet; Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak – Pray how did you manage to do it?” “In my youth,” said his father, “I took to the law, And argued each case with my wife; And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw, Has lasted the rest of my life.”\*[indent]-- Lewis Carroll[/indent] ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/59 "2014-04-03T22:43:42Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > That’s always seemed like an odd-shaped, unwieldy weapon. Did he maybe cut it in half at the jaw or something? That is why it is _manly_, you sissy! ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259/60 "2014-04-03T23:02:22Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > A real man doesn’t need to carry a weapon. He can kill using only whatever happens to be around at the time. That was my first thought: Brains, cleverness, improvisation At first I thought “Bare hands and/or feet” in the sense of a trained martial artist. Out on an evaporated lakebed without a stitch of clothing, the dust can be used as a missile and the ground itself can be used as an anvil (the opponent himself is turned into a hammer). But then I thought, “No, that fails to consider technological advantages that the opponent may have.” But the James Bond movies I’ve liked didn’t have him beating the bad guys with brute force or martial artistry. He beat his opponents by out-smarting them and/or thinking outside the box. I gotta say, that’s what I like about MacGuyver, as well. Relatively simple physics, chemistry, and gadget-making were employed to overcome difficult situations, including opponents who seriously wanted to kill him. —G! There is no fight If only one person is fighting. —Bruce Lee [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-manliest-weapon/685259.md?page=4)