# What's the most amusing response you've ever got in an argument?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 21, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982 "2010-08-21T17:43:30Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@qpw3141](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qpw3141)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/1 "2010-08-21T17:43:30Z")
Reading one of Cecil’s columns the questioner mentioned her sister getting very antsy when some trivial fact she’d quoted was disputed and, not being able to defend it, told her that she shouldn’t challenge people’s deeply held beliefs.
This reminded me of something that happened many years ago which I have always thought a hilarious response.
I was having a friendly discussion/argument with a secretary and came up with what I thought was the coup de grâce that would finally make my case.
She looked at me for a moment and, unable to think of a reply, responded: “You only know that because you read it in a book”.
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### Author:  [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/2 "2010-08-21T18:01:32Z")
Since the OP is looking for anecdotes, this is better suited for IMHO than GQ.
Colibri
General Questions Moderator
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### Author:  [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2010, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/3 "2010-08-21T21:19:46Z")
In boot camp some of the recruits were placed in a poition of authority which went to their heads. One such petty tyrant got into a verbal confrontation with another and screamed at the top of his lungs, “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”
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### Author:  [@DHMO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DHMO)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/4 "2010-08-23T04:58:14Z")
I was having a discussion with a co-worker, and, after making a series of profound points in favor of my thesis, his scintillating riposte was, “You’re full of Shit!”
That was the entire substance of his point of view. Even after asking pointedly, with what, exactly, he disagreed.
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### Author:  [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/5 "2010-08-23T05:28:45Z")
> [@Peanuthead](#):
>
> “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”
One of my favorite lines from Wedding Crashers.
Actual words said to me by an educated and decently reasonable grown up: “Just because you can prove that something is false, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true!”
Umm… yes, actually, I believe that’s exactly what that means.
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### Author:  [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/6 "2010-08-23T11:56:02Z")
“Rush Limbaugh may be biased, but at least he’s objectively biased.”
“I’ve been a Christian my whole life. I can tell when somethings not kosher!”
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/7 "2010-08-23T12:23:07Z")
> [@Peanuthead](#):
>
> “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”
Must’a been related to that boss who told one of my coworkers “I don’t pay you guys to think, I pay you to solve problems!”
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### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/8 "2010-08-23T12:27:09Z")
What happened to me in Manhattan, standing outside the Apple Store:
> [@](#):
>
> A Chinese girl was standing next to me, smoking, and an old guy came up to her. “Why are you smoking?” he demanded in that wonderful accent. She didn’t reply, but I took this as my cue to light up too. I smiled at him as I did so.
>
> “Did you know it’s bad for you?” he asked me.
>
> “Yes,” I repied congenially.
>
> “You’re only fooling yaself!” he informed me.
>
> “No I’m not, I know it’s bad for me.”
>
> “You’re killing yourself!” he explained.
>
> “I know.”
>
> “Ah,” he said with a classic New York dismissive downward gesture of his hand, as if I had not grasped the concept he was attempting to convey, “go to church!”
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### Author:  [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/9 "2010-08-23T12:35:23Z")
My then girlfriend, ten years my senior: “Respect your elders!”
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/10 "2010-08-23T13:22:28Z")
I once presented a fact as stated by the head of a department on the very subject we were discussing: Well, that’s his opinion.
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/11 "2010-08-23T13:36:47Z")
“It happens!”
Seriously, what the hell does this even mean? I was so astounded that anyone, never mind someone I respected enough to engage in debate with, would use this as defense of anything. When I regained myself I responded, “It happens? So what? Priests molest children, husbands beat wives, that ‘it happens’ doesn’t make it right and is no kind of defense.” [silently deciding to never engage with this bone head again!]
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### Author:  [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/12 "2010-08-23T20:39:24Z")
We make a lot of changes at work because legal wants the change. We’ve made changes that cost millions of dollars, because we’ve been sued over the past 17 years dozens of times. We’ve redone everything… saved everything… and put in place more changes to the tune of even more millions and millions of dollars.
Often, for the sake of my own department budget, I refuse on the ground that there is no risk. I ask to understand the risk, and I’ve been told, **more than once** , _“…because I said so…”._
Oh, as to those many dozens of lawsuits over 17 years, they amount to a few dozen settlements (in which we were right but did not have the energy to spend 50k bucks to prove it), and various dropped/dismissed cases.
So, we’ve invested millions into processes that will protect us from about 150k dollars in settlements… but wait… no they won’t!!! We don’t spend the money (and we have less now) to prove we are right in court! So, all our expensive/new procedures don’t protect us from settlements!
LMAO!!! But hey, where is my argument when it’s because they said so!!! If we actually battled them all out in court, we might be able to make a case for spending all the money, but we keep settling everything!!! “Because I said so!”
AWESOME ARGUMENT, LEGAL!!!
.
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### Author:  [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/13 "2010-08-23T21:54:36Z")
Working in the retail world you always had to have a good sense of humor in dealing with the a-hole customers. Myself and co-managers had quite a few amusing responses when arguing with customers.
Fired up Customer: I want what I want now! You can’t do this and get away with it! I know someone at channel 5 and you’ll be on the 10 o-clock news tonight!
Co-manager: Cool! Hey Joe, watch channel 5 tonight, I’m going to be on.
Livid Black Friday Customer: How can you only have 10 in stock and put it in your ad!! That’s illegal! We’re going to sue you!
Manager: Well you’re going to have to sue me then cause I really don’t have time for this.
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### Author:  [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/14 "2010-08-23T22:02:07Z")
I was debating a co-worker about a rule in the union contract. He said, “Well, that may be what the contract _ **says** _, but it isn’t necessarily what it _ **means** _!”
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### Author:  [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)
#### Post date: [August 23, 2010, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/15 "2010-08-23T22:02:11Z")
An ex and I used to get in some pretty vicious verbal fights toward the end of our relationship. At one point, mid argument, he just screamed at me:
_ **Well, you’re a raging, materialistic, frost bitch!!!** _
I immediately stopped arguing and started laughing hysterically. He got really angry, because apparently he was very much serious. But I mean, really? Who just comes up with “raging, materialistic frost bitch” off the top of their head?
Years later, he admitted he had thought of it before and was saving it for an argument. At the time, he would get super mad any time I asked if he had come up with that before and was saving it.
Now, all of my friends call me a raging, materialistic frost bitch- even though it’s 5 years later. That shit is gold. 😃
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### Author:  [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2010, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/16 "2010-08-24T03:44:54Z")
I once got into a playful argument (or so I thought) what to do about a roommate’s pets, and when she didn’t like my suggestion, she angrily called me an Italian whore. That was it – “shut up, you Italian whore!” She was serious, too. At the time, I was really hurt (more by the sudden anger than the insult), but now I think it’s pretty funny. Where did “whore” come from in an argument about pets (plus, I was celibate the entire time she knew me, and she knew that) and why “ **Italian** whore”? I mean, I am Italian, but I wouldn’t think it would be my most salient trait or anything. So weird.
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### Author:  [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2010, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/17 "2010-08-24T11:55:15Z")
Everything lines up too perfectly in the following, but, dangit, that’s how it happened:
I’m half-heartedly arguing with my wife about whether Superman could really disguise himself with little more than a pair of glasses. I tell her I figure it’s like Renee Zellweger and Jewel: folks maybe don’t even realize they look alike, unless you see pictures of 'em side by side – at which point you say “Uh, okay, they look alike” instead of “OMG, Jewel is Renee Zellweger!!1!”
My wife ain’t buying it. It suddenly occurs to me that I’ve never actually known any identical twins. I ask her if she has; turns out she went to school with two brothers who fit the bill. I ask her conspiratorially: _have you ever seen both of them at the same time?_ As it happens: nope.
And so I say _“a-HA! Maybe there weren’t two brothers at all! Maybe it was just one guy pretending to be twins!”_ She tells me I’m being ludicrous. I ask how she could even tell them apart. She rolls her eyes at how stupid the question is, and shoots back her reply: “Only one of them wore glasses.”
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### Author:  [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)
#### Post date: [September 14, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/18 "2010-09-14T14:55:16Z")
Someone posted this gem today, in response to someone pointing out that not one person on this forum with any advanced knowledge of biology agreed with him:
> [@qpw3141, you are an idiot](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qpw3141-you-are-an-idiot/553452/128):
>
> The hole in this ‘logic’ is believing that the majority of people of whom you speak (i.e. in this thread) are anything other than idiots.
>
> Go to a creationist forum and tell them about evolution and you’ll get a quality of response very similar to the quality of response I’m getting in this thread.
>
> Or maybe a bit more intelligent. 😃
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### Author:  [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)
#### Post date: [September 14, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/19 "2010-09-14T15:56:55Z")
Not an argument, but we were pitching a health insurance company once and my boss started to say something about “adverse selection” (that’s the industry term for people who run out and get health insurance when they get sick rather than getting it when they’re young and healthy.) Unfortunately, my boss thought it meant something else. When the health insurance exec gently reminded my boss what the term actually meant he looked her straight in the eye and said. . .
“Exactly my point.”
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### Author:  [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)
#### Post date: [September 14, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-amusing-response-youve-ever-got-in-an-argument/550982/20 "2010-09-14T16:25:08Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#):
>
> Everything lines up too perfectly in the following, but, dangit, that’s how it happened:
>
> I’m half-heartedly arguing with my wife about whether Superman could really disguise himself with little more than a pair of glasses. I tell her I figure it’s like Renee Zellweger and Jewel: folks maybe don’t even realize they look alike, unless you see pictures of 'em side by side – at which point you say “Uh, okay, they look alike” instead of “OMG, Jewel is Renee Zellweger!!1!”
>
> My wife ain’t buying it. It suddenly occurs to me that I’ve never actually known any identical twins. I ask her if she has; turns out she went to school with two brothers who fit the bill. I ask her conspiratorially: _have you ever seen both of them at the same time?_ As it happens: nope.
>
> And so I say _“a-HA! Maybe there weren’t two brothers at all! Maybe it was just one guy pretending to be twins!”_ She tells me I’m being ludicrous. I ask how she could even tell them apart. She rolls her eyes at how stupid the question is, and shoots back her reply: “Only one of them wore glasses.”
I ❤ this post.
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