Another Discovery Channel animal wonder. A crocodile jumps out of a lake and swallows an adolescent antelope whole.
On one of those Fox specials: When Stupid People Provoke Wild Animals. The deer that got up on his hind legs and beat the crap out of the hunter.
Not animal related. A man shoots milk out of his tear duct.
Dogs hump things all the time. But have you ever seen house cats doing it? It’s very rare to see. I’ve seen a couple videos of this interesting and somewhat violent experience.
The male is lucky to get away intact.
How about a nasty real-life experience. My dad is a veterinarian. I used to watch his surgeries all the time. I got pretty numb to seeing animal innards after awhile. That is until one surgery I walked in on. He had the colon of a large dog in his hands, had cut it open, and was squeezing the feces into a can. It’s the only time I’ve almost vomited because of the smell of something. If you think that shit smells bad outside the body, you should smell it when it’s still inside.
I remember the first time I saw the footage of the North Hollywood bank robbery where the robbers wore body armor and shot up everything in site with AK-47s. I remember thinking “there was no way this could be real”.
Most of my bizarre TV moments involved cross-border broadcasting – strange signals beamed off the CN Tower and landing on the antenna of the cable company that fed 12 wonderful channels into the 25" Zenith Chromacolor console in the living room of a small bungalow in a working-class neighborhood of a dying Rust Belt town.
Bimbo, Bimbo, I’m the birthday clown you know
Bimbo, Bimbo, I’m the birthday clown you know
Bimbo, Bimbo, I’d just like to say
To you and you, a very happy birthday
Happy birthday, boys and girls!
Uncle Bobby would then pull some envelopes out of a pouch that Bimbo carried, and read off a few birthdays. “Gordy McKenzie from Mississauga is 6, and Gordie McAllister from Stony Creek is 5, and Gordette McDougal from Brampton is 7.” Bimbo would then retreat behing the Dutch door to the cacophony of whistles, horns and whizzers.
Look at all those lovely little Oatcakes
lined up all so pretty in a row
(The oatcakes were marching in a military formation)
and
(deep voice)
Oatcakes, Oatcakes
Gotta’ have ‘em, gotta’ get ‘em
Oatcakes, Oatcakes
Gotta’ have ‘em, gotta’ get ‘em
Oatcakes, Oatcakes
Gotta’ have ‘em, gotta’ get 'em
(repeat ad nauseaum)*
There was also the time I was living in New Mexico, where I would tune to real Mexican television – not Univision or Telemundo, but stations with call letters beginning with X – when I was truly bored. Some things I witnessed include …
A Dallas Cowboys game, where the announcers made no big deal about touchdowns, but went absolutely nutso during field goal kicks.
The Simpsons, dubbed into Spanish, where a baratone voice introduced each character in the opening credits.
La Familia Simpsons … con Bart Simpson … y Homer Simpson … y Lisa Simpson … y Marge y Maggie Simpson …
Yup. That’s exactly why my white, female cat’s name is “BitchKitty” and the black, male cat’s name is “Got Milk?”
Ahem.
Anyway, my nomination: lawnmower races. On ESPN2. Go figure.
The most bizzare thing I ever saw was on Japanese TV. I was sitting around one evening watching some idiotic show with the guys from SMAP, it was a parody of game shows, I guess. Contestants were invited to drive a soapbox-derby style car down a ramp into a brick wall. Contestants who did the most damage to the wall, the car, and themselves were declared the winners and moved to the next round. Then, they made the men strip down to a loincloth and lie on their backs while holding their legs up in the air. Then the host came and stuck a lit candle into their anus (which was mercifully obscured by a blue dot). The contestants had to hold the candle upright without spilling the burning wax onto their genitals or burning their legs on the candle flame. Whoever squirmed and screamed the least was the winner. I have no idea what they won because I was so weirded out by the show I forgot to listen to the prizes.
More Japanese TV.
Japanese TV has become much tamer in the last five years and frankly, I don’t like it one bit. The New Year’s holiday week used to be nothing but slapstick and T&A all day long. One show that sticks in my mind was the “Hot Springs Olympics”, which featured 12 models wearing just towels competing in various events designed to make the towels fall off. Which they did, frequently. Underwater cameras were also on hand to provide the view from below. This was on national broadcast TV in mid-afternoon.
More recently, there has been a weekly show called “Strange Japanese Habits” in which a large panel of foreigners (selected mainly for their ability to speak Japanese fluently and throw telegenic tantrums) debate different issues in Japanese. One episode was an “experiment” to see what types of humor played well in other cultures.
Then the last act came out. He was made up in blackface, holding a spear and wearing a bone trough his nose. He then proceeded to act out, without a hint of irony, just about every Black/African stereotype imaginable. Perhaps the more amazing thing was that the Japanese hosts thought it was hilarious and couldn’t understand why the panel (which included many Africans) was so offended. He got one point (from the German, IIRC).
Then there are the laxative commercials. According the graphics from one, poops are actually musical notes sitting inside your large intestine. When you’re constipated, they’re all black and spiky, and make flat-sounding music. But just take these little pills and not only do the notes magically turn blue, green and orange, they become nice and smooth and pop right out of your butt like a Mozart symphony.
It’s not armadillo sex, but it does help to pass the evening.
–sublight.
I remember seeing this. TLC had an hour-long special on it. I remember thinking “see? SEE? Gun laws don’t stop criminals!” Maybe that was just my political mind kicking in at the bloodshed. DId they kill anyone other than the one guy Seppuku-ing himself?
I remember watching a nature show about animal matings,the segment that really had me laughing/cringing/thanking the Lord I wasn’t an animal, was when they showed two wolves (or maybe it was two foxes,been awhile can’t remember that part clearly)who had just mated, and, according to the voice over instead of simply parting ways, the male wolfs uh, thingee, swells up to immense size and gets stuck inside the female, this to keep some other wolf from impregnating her before his DNA can get to where its going, anyway it apparently takes about 3 to 4 hours for the swelling to go down and the two can seperate; so until then these two animals or moving about trying to walk while attached from the hind quarters, they looked just like a pushme/pullme creature. When they do finally part ways each one goes off and starts nursing their sore area, while the voice over guy says, in a calm voice, “of course after the mating is done the wolves are a little bit sore”
In the late 80s, I remember on Philadelphia tv (around noon)
a press conference from a Pennsylvanian legislator
(State Legislature, or City Council, I forget which) by the name of Bud Dwyer.
He had just been found guilty of some nonsense and arrainged
the conference on live tv. Everyone in the Dellaware valley witnessed Bud Dwyer take a .44 out of a manilla envelope, stick it in his mouth, and blow the top of his head off…
…This on a snow day when school children were being let home early.
huh, referring to what Blur said up there, i’m suprised that not everyone knew that. in fact, it’s always been a sorta stupid running joke between two of my friends.
“hey dude! you’re hung like a horse!”
“hell no! call me ‘Mr. Zebra!’”
“What? But you can still wear pants!”
and then they cackle like lobotomy patients.
anyway…
back to your regularly scheduled thread!
R3nergy8, i saw that documentary, and what they show is a pair of mating wolves, and they have a blurb saying that the same thing happens to foxes. and the time mentioned is only about thirty minutes (though it would SEEM like hours if you were in his position).
[sub]please ignore this post; this is Saepiroth’s forebrain calling. he hasn’t slept in 23 hours due to a plane arriaval, and is running low on fuel.
While channel-surfing, I caught a review of the stage show ‘Puppetry of the Penis’.
In case you don’t get this sort of thing on american TV, it’s a show by 2 Australian guys who stand on stage wearing hiking boots, hats, and nothing else, and impersonate things like hamburgers with their willies.
The bit I saw had one of them standing on a skate board and stretching the skin of his member out like a sail. The other guy then produced a small electric fan and blew him gently off-stage.
One of the more freakishly morbid things I ever saw was on a local news channel in Peoria. Some skier zigged when he should have zagged, caught a tree very badly, and died from it. That wasn’t the morbid part–unfortunate and tragic, yes, but when your sport involves careening at extreme speeds down a mountain, there’s an element of risk involved.
The morbid part is that it was caught on film. And the channel showed it from the beginning of his run, to impact, to easily ten seconds of what had a split second before been a living human being, tumbling like a ragdoll down the slope. And then, in case any viewers had happened to miss it, showed the tumbling portion again.
Sites like this make me a curious mix of very glad and yet somewhat wistful that I don’t live in Japan. My favorite is the extended explanation of NASUBI!. Perhaps they’ll have live feeds of Vivisection-for-Yen! in a few years.
IIRC, the only fatalities were the 2 robbers who started it all, but they did millions in property damage.
How true. I recall a clip of a sport that I can only characterize as a “land-luge”–these guys strapped themselves flat on their backs to huge (~5.5 feet long) skateboards with mirrors placed so they could see past their feet, and hurtled feet-first down a mountain highway. IIRC, their top speed was expected to be in the 70-75 mph range.
One of them hit some small irregularity in the road; he tumbled and skidded perhaps 50 feet. An emergency crew immediately swarmed him and hauled him to the ambulance (at least the skateboard acted as a pre-attached backboard for him). What struck me, though, was the victim’s reaction to the accident–he just kept saying “Ow” in this quiet, conversational tone. There was no hint of stress or pain in his voice, just a gentle reminder that he was in severe pain. It struck me as really strange–enough so that I still remember the clip at least 8 years afterwards.
Due to the fact that I didn’t see the “Armadillo blowjob”—ROTFLOL!!!
Because the whole world stopped and watched in amazement-------
“And here comes O J. He’s on the 10, he’s on the 5, he’s on the 405----Look at O J run!!”
It was the joyfully waving crowds that got me.
One night I happened across some sort of show on PBS that involved two half naked men pransing around a room. . . at one point, one of them was in an empty tub, playing dead, and the other pulled him out, danced his lifeless body around the room, then pulled off the ‘dead’ one’s underwear and put it on his own body. I have no idea what that show was, but it was. . . interesting.
A group of senior citizens singing ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ by Guns-n-Roses, accompanied by a piano.
Either that or some totally nude blonde Australian woman giving birth standing up - well, kinda squatting. One of the things that made it kinda disconcerting was the woman was REALLY hot, if you could somehow screen out the bottom two-thirds of the picture it would be prime fapping material.
Arkansas PBS, 1981? We had gone up to rip one of those time-share property sales things out of a free vacation and flipped on the tube at about 2 in the afternoon. And we saw…something.
I have no idea what it was. It showed black and white animation of animals. They were still drawings flying around, and as time passed, the drawings would show more and more of the interior of these animals - first the subcutaneous fat layer, then closeups of various muscles, then just skeletons flying around. Then, a live action closeup of an Asian woman’s mouth as she popped something in her mouth with chopsticks and ate it. Presumably, this was part of the animal that was just quasi-dissected. Then the next animal animation would start, with a new kind of animal. I remember fish clearly, and I think cows, dogs, and birds went by, too. When the monkeys started disassembling, my dad yelled, “EWWWWWWWWW! Turn it off!”
On a more general note, any nudity on TV is amazing in the USA. Bravo used to be unique for showing movies uncut, but those days have passed. I remember seeing a documentary on Siberia when I was twelve that included boys my age having a nude snowball fight. I was happy.
Oh God, zebras got NOTHIN’ on elephants. I believe I’ve seen the same episode - or something similar either on Animal Plant or Discovery.
Suffice it to say that trunks are not the only prehensile organ a male elephant possesses. I swear, everyone in the room had their mouths agape for five minutes because of those ten seconds of film. The only thing it lacked was a soundtrack of the Warner Brothers snake-charmer music.