What's the most boring film you could show a child?

Cafe Society
181

Oh, you’ve just reminded me of another dud starring Bette Davis. The Whales of August. I was 18 when it came out, and I took my mom to see it for either Mother’s Day or her birthday. We figured it couldn’t miss. Bette Davis, Lillian Gish, Vincent Price. We liked Merchant/Ivory films, and the setting and premise sounded Merchant/Ivory-esque.

And. Nothing. Happens. Two elderly women gripe and grumble at each other. An elderly man comes for tea. We’re shown in a flashback that whales were seen offshore when the two sisters were young adults, and they might show up again. A lot of pointless talk, then something that might be a whale is seen offshore. Vincent Price doesn’t see it because he already went home. Bette Davis doesn’t see it because she’s blind. Lillian Gish might not even have seen it; it could have been wishful thinking, or the product of her bad eyesight. The. End.

Neither Mom nor I could figure out any point or purpose to all that. Although Mom didn’t even see as much of it as I did. First she started to doze off, so she went to the lobby to get a large coke. Then her tiny bladder insured she had to get up again. Said I, “You might as well have stayed in the lobby where you could hear the dialogue. There was nothing to look at!”

So yeah, Whales of August for a sleep aid.

182

You know, I think you hit on a point. I was looking up Bette Davis on IMDB.com and Whales of August came out in 1987. It was the next to the last movie she made (which was in 89). . .

It almost sounds like a rehashing of the sister issue, almost as it were “Whatever happened to Baby Jane” redux. I would suspect it was Lindsey Andersons (Directory) attempt to give a last voice, and hopefully a magnum opus to both Bette Davis and Lillian Gish. Two greats that were close to passing.

And face it, for years Hollywood has been too focused on the Oscars and all the other awards. Recall “On golden Pond” and the effort it was to give Henry Fonda a memorable goodbye world sort of peice.

Considering the others, Vincent Price, Sir John Gielgood, and Harry Carry Jr.. . .It starts to make sense. Read the glowing reviews on IMDB.com and it certainly seems that others had made the same observation. . .

And then I may be crazy as a loon. . Hollywood is on its own planet sometimes!

-Regards.

183

Finally someone besides me! I was 31 when it came out, saw it in the theater with my wife who thought it wasn’t bad, and our friend who loved it. 40+ years later it’s still the most excruciatingly boring film I ever had to sit through.