Indeed, it’s tricky to pin down what kids find “boring”. For example, when I was a youngster, I found 2001: A Space Odyssey riveting, Barry Lyndon engrossing, and Annie Hall—had I been a bit younger—pretty hilarious.
So, in that spirit, I’ll nominate The English Patient. Two hours of sand dunes, somber stares, and the most restrained romantic tension imaginable. No capes, no lightsabers—just maps, misery, and emotional suppression.
Kids want action, not tea and tears. Watching these buttoned-up Brits fall in love is like drifting off during afternoon tea—slow, courteous, and very beige—it feels like a long, polite nap. Then again, maybe British kids would find it quite engaging. Cheerio, pip pip, guv’nor!
I am afraid it only has gotten worse: today’s attention span is set by TikTok (30 seconds, tops). Cite. I guess you could bore a kid today with any clip lasting longer than five minutes.
But to stay in the spirit of the OP I nominate from an internet list of the best 100 movies ever the movies that will bewilder and bore to catatony any child under 12:
A Hard Day’s Night
Pink Flamingos (not sure about that one. Some kids are weird)
Scenes From a Marriage
Kramer vs Kramer
Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles (Ooooh, that would send a child into a coma!! That is the film the OP is looking for!)
Brokeback Mountain
Singin’ in the Rain
All About Eve
For what it is worth, Kubrick intended for this film to be ‘boring’; he wanted to present space travel and exploration with the soul-draining tedium it would be in reality instead of the fictional, Age of Sail inspired space opera of Star Trek. The human characters are mostly bereft of emotion (Bowman finally shows some anger and frustration when HAL refuses to allow his pod back into Discovery’s hanger bay but otherwise the interaction between characters and in their interview is very flat and bureaucratic; even in the BBC interview Bowman and Poole seem to be giving almost scripted responses and HAL is the only one that seems engaged.
I remember a similar experience as a kid, although it wasn’t my mom making watch something. It was during the days of Iran-Contra, and I remember being irritated that the channels that normally showed my favorite cartoons were instead showing boring old guys with names like Oliver North and John Poindexter sit in front of a microphone and answer stupid questions.
Ladder Safety Training for non-Firefighters Annual Underground Safety Training for non-Miners Annual Fire Extinguisher TRaining for Administrative Workers
All three are still available on VHS from your local Department of Energy Training representatives.
I loved this movie, but do think it’s a good suggestion for the thread. Children won’t have any life experiences to empathize with any of the characters.
Strictly within the parameters asked for, the first thing that came to mind was Glengarry Glen Ross. Lots of talking, mostly in a visually unimpressive office, and younger kids are probably not going to understand the nature of the business.
