# What's the most difficult difference to get around in a relationship: a poll **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2010, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596 "2010-06-02T02:50:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/41 "2010-06-02T15:36:35Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Am I being whooshed here? Is this a joke? No, no joke. Maybe I should’ve said a racist? Or are you a scientologist? 🙂 No, I am not Jewish. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/42 "2010-06-02T15:39:53Z")
> [@BigBertha](#): > > No, no joke. Maybe I should’ve said a racist? Or are you a scientologist? 🙂 The way you worded it it sounded like you specifically had beef with anti-Semites. True story: When I worked at Gamestop my manager, assistant manager and I were having a talk about religion. I asked my manager what his religious affiliation was and he said “I don’t believe in God- I’m a Scientologist,” obviously thinking that being a Scientologist meant that you… uh, believed in science. He’d been telling people for months that he was a Scientologist. Had it marked in on his Myspace page and everything. Good times. ---
**Author:** ![Fair\_Rarity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fair_rarity/32/153_2.png) [@Fair\_Rarity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fair_Rarity)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/43 "2010-06-03T00:17:41Z")
To me, most of these things can be gotten over or compromised on with the right person. If I were to fall in love with a personality, I won’t necessarily care about the age. But I know I will not fall for a dumb guy. A guy doesn’t have to have the same intellectual pursuits as me, but staring at me blankly most of the time just isn’t going to work. If there is nothing that he can do that would put him in an “above average” category, Liz Lemon can smack that button and scream “DEALBREAKER!” ---
**Author:** ![kapri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4491bb/32.png) [@kapri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kapri)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/44 "2010-06-03T04:43:20Z")
Other: they have a significantly different idea of what to do with/the value of money than you do. Also, they have a significantly different idea of how much time they can spend in a bar, and away from you, than you do. Not that I’m basing either of those on personal experience or anything. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/45 "2010-06-03T05:44:55Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > The way you worded it it sounded like you specifically had beef with anti-Semites. > > True story: When I worked at Gamestop my manager, assistant manager and I were having a talk about religion. I asked my manager what his religious affiliation was and he said “I don’t believe in God- I’m a Scientologist,” obviously thinking that being a Scientologist meant that you… uh, believed in science. He’d been telling people for months that he was a Scientologist. Had it marked in on his Myspace page and everything. Good times. Oh gawd that is so funny I spit on my monitor. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/46 "2010-06-03T06:52:52Z")
I almost went with the less intelligent one, but actual differences in religion are more important. I do want someone similar in intelligence to me, though. Also, technically, Age difference 2 is the worst, as I’m 25. I’m sure **Melon** feels the same way. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/47 "2010-06-03T07:20:39Z")
If you had a category for “People of their gender and orientation are not attracted to your gender” I’d pick that. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/48 "2010-06-03T12:06:37Z")
As a geek, I am very smart. My husband isn’t quite as book smart as me, but it’s not a gaping humongous difference. I couldn’t stand to be with someone who I had to explain everything to all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/49 "2010-06-03T22:25:23Z")
I voted religion (for my theoretical relationship). Intelligence is too difficult for me to define, especially if I’m in a relationship with someone and we have the same interests, and age and ethnicity aren’t choices, and neither is income (to a point). Religion implies a choice they’ve made and, depending on the religions (read: most of them), will probably mean their morals conflict with mine. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/50 "2010-06-03T22:32:33Z")
Well, 15 years younger is high school. So there’s that. Otherwise, absolutely definitely intelligence. I’ve dated significantly dumber than me before and it was a BAD IDEA. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/51 "2010-06-03T22:57:24Z")
I have a problem with dating men with a lack of work ethic. It wasn’t mentioned but for me this is key. I can’t date a man that doesn’t do something every day. Retirement is different. I just can’t wrap my head around a lazy man? I think it was my family backround that instilled this in me. the last guy I dated was so afraid of my mother. She came up for a visit and my mom and son and BF were at the kitchen table. I went in the bedroom to change and when I came out my bf said he was taking off for the weekend. My son told me later that Grammy in her very lady like tone told my bf she doesn’t approve of men who are lazy and unempoyed and taking advantage of her daughter. :eek: My Mom didn’t break it up but it turned out it bothered me a lot too. I couldn’t except his lack of work ethic and how I had to carry him. It made him look weak in my eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/52 "2010-06-03T23:22:19Z")
I think it’s interesting that nobody has said dating somebody who made 4x their income or more would bother them most; it would bother me hugely, possibly the most. I’m not sayin’ you’re all golddiggers, but you ain’t dealing with no broke… ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/53 "2010-06-03T23:26:42Z")
I said a big difference in intelligence would bother me the most. My wife is a of a different religion than I am (although neither of us are very religious, actually), so clearly I am not bothered by that difference. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/54 "2010-06-04T00:16:32Z")
Leaving aside that some 15 years older than me would be 88, the biggest deal-breaker would be intelligence, closely followed by religion. My brother married a serious believer and i cannot abide her relgiosity. I suspect a scientologist would break both deals. ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/55 "2010-06-04T00:36:07Z")
I answered religion… I’m just not at this age and stage gonna fake interest and follow my SO along to some church. My Sundays are pretty good as they are… I did that in undergrad… I followed a cute gal from Alabama to her Pentecostal church twice i believed… the first time her pastor stated along the lines about Jews in Israel creating their own problems by not accepting Christ… the second time he blamed Homosexuals for the Aids virus. Actually it made me lose interest in her… BTW who can believe or take seriously a man in 1993 with a Gheri curl and a purple suit?? ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/56 "2010-06-04T02:49:18Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > Before I was actually married, I thought that being of similar age and intelligence we monumentally important; however, in practice, I’ve found the above to be absolutely true. Usually the age and religion can help you weed people out at the start. But when you get into the nitty gritty of everyday life with someone, in my experience, it’s details like these that can really cause hard feelings. Having kids has caused the biggest strain on our marriage, even though we agree in most respects about how we want to raise them. It’s the everyday details that really get you hung up and, if we didn’t have a stronger relationship, we would probably be divorced by now. Thirding this. It’s because my parents are literally like night and day (different races, religions, ages) and I see what they and other couples fight about in real life. IRL, unless you’re truly religious, it doesn’t matter what your beliefs are. Unless you’re wildly different in terms of intelligence, it too doesn’t matter. But being even a smidge off in terms of money, kids, and housekeeping can (and is) explosive. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/57 "2010-06-04T02:55:45Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Thirding this. It’s because my parents are literally like night and day (different races, religions, ages) and I see what they and other couples fight about in real life. IRL, unless you’re truly religious, it doesn’t matter what your beliefs are. Unless you’re wildly different in terms of intelligence, it too doesn’t matter. But being even a smidge off in terms of money, kids, and housekeeping can (and is) explosive. I’d respectfully disagree here. You can adapt in terms of housekeeping and spending patterns; however you can’t make an unintelligent person smarter. (you can educate them to some degree of course). ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/58 "2010-06-04T08:05:20Z")
For me the flaw in the poll is that there is simply no way I could be attracted to someone who is significantly less intelligent than me. That person would have below average intelligence, perhaps severely below average. No matter how hot she looked, the moment I tried to engage with her intellectually she would lose all attractiveness to me. I have known women like this. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/59 "2010-06-04T08:21:08Z")
I said religion, but if there’d been an option for wanting/not wanting kids I’d have gone with that. > [@Sampiro](#): > > I’m not sayin’ you’re all golddiggers, but you ain’t dealing with no broke… No finance - no romance. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![PsyXe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@PsyXe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PsyXe)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596/60 "2010-06-04T10:55:34Z")
“Significantly less intelligent than you are” gets the overwhelming majority of votes. “Significantly more intelligent than you are” gets - IIRC - 2. Heh. There are two possibilities. Either most Dopers are incurably selfish and don’t even consider the torment of their more intelligent significant others’ having to put up with _them_, or else we simply can’t conceive of the latter option! 😛 > [@Negative\_Lite](#): > > I think ideas and opinion about children, money, and housekeeping are more important potential dealbreakers than opinions about mythological entities. And that’s why I chose “religion”. I don’t care how smart or lovely the guy is, how faithful or devoted to our kids or whatever, if he’s constantly snarking at me about “mythological entities” and “bronze age sky gods”, I would eventually snap. Besides, he’d already have written me off as “significantly less intelligent than you are” - isn’t the general consensus that theists are by definition stupid whatever their other intellectual accomplishments? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-difficult-difference-to-get-around-in-a-relationship-a-poll/541596.md?page=4)