# Whats the most painful thing done to your genitals? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 5, 2006, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914 "2006-12-05T06:48:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/41 "2006-12-06T01:46:49Z")
I have it on an individual in the room’s authority that the swab-check for gonorrhea is far more painful than a frenum piercing. But getting kicked really fucking hard is worse than either. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/42 "2006-12-06T03:09:00Z")
This is really TMI, but since you asked-----due to an accident involving a bicycle, certain muscles in the hydraulic system ceased to work. We were left with two choices: 1, forget about having intercourse ever again, or 2, install a prosthetic pump. We went with choice #2 which involved surgery while under general anesthesia. Both the penis and scrotum were opened and the recovery was simply unbelievable. Incredible swelling, multi-colored bruising, ice packs, and very limited pain medication due to my history of addiction. The only comparison I could make involved being smitten between the legs by a Louisville Slugger on a repetitive basis. For the first month following the surgery, I wished I had simply given up on sex. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/43 "2006-12-06T03:22:08Z")
[QUOTE=teela brown] Good lord! The reattaching foreskin, the cervical biopsy - why the hell don’t they use some sort of local anaesthetic?! [/QUOTE] I had the same procedure, biopsy and cryosurgery, and was told “The biopsy’s nothing, just the same as a pap really.” Well, no, brushing the cervix just isn’t the same as taking sharp metal instruments and _cutting_ pieces out of it, really. That same office gave me the advice to take 2 tylenol before coming in for the cryosurgery and like the damn fool I am, I believed them. The labor-reminiscent cramping that followed merely laughed at those tylenol and I’ve warned every female in my circle since then. ---
**Author:** ![Shecky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@Shecky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shecky)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/44 "2006-12-06T19:04:04Z")
> [@](#): > > “Balderaan”, I call it. AM I the only one who couldn’t get past this post? I can’t even see the keys well my eyes are tearing up. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/45 "2006-12-06T19:15:36Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] I misread this as the most painful thing _I’ve_ done to my genitals. The most painful thing anybody or anything has done to my genitals or thereabouts was a “straddle injury to the perineum” suffered during a martial arts tournament. In layman’s terms, a man-mountain kicked the bejeezus out of me under my cup right in the taint. Big, big, ugly, ugly bruise. [/QUOTE] Totally agreed here. If I were to list the **Top Ten Most Heinously Painful Things That Happened To My Nether Regions** [sup]TM[/sup], at least five of them would be taint-related. There’s something about crushing your prostate with a bicycle crossbar, opponent’s foot, or stairway handrail that just makes me want to throw up right now just thinking about it. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/46 "2006-12-06T20:10:59Z")
When I was six, my two buddies and I climbed over the fence in their yard to get to a field behind it. As I was swinging to the ground (I still had my one foot in the chain link and my hands on the top of the fence), I dropped my full weight onto a rusty, metal sign-post that was obscured by tall grass. (It was the kind of rod that in cross-section is shaped like a T and has holes through it so you can adjust the height of the sign.) I hit my perineum full-force. Despite all the pain I experienced as a child, as an adult I consider myself lucky that I wasn’t an inch over either way. I’m lucky I did not end up with serious rectal damage and I have the rest of my organs intact. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/47 "2006-12-07T00:03:05Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Totally agreed here. If I were to list the **Top Ten Most Heinously Painful Things That Happened To My Nether Regions** [sup]TM[/sup], at least five of them would be taint-related. There’s something about crushing your prostate with a bicycle crossbar, opponent’s foot, or stairway handrail that just makes me want to throw up right now just thinking about it. :eek: [/QUOTE] No doubt. The first thing that went through my mind was “wow, fireworks! Who set off fireworks in the auditorium? Isn’t that a fire hazard?” Then I felt a small click on the roof of my mouth, which I now believe was likely my left testicle. Then came the nausea and buckling knees, and me hitting the mat like a sack of potatoes. I was able to recover enough to finish the fight, but just barely. It hurts just thinking about it. > [@capybara](#): > > I have it on an individual in the room’s authority that the swab-check for gonorrhea is far more painful than a frenum piercing. But getting kicked really fucking hard is worse than either. He’s probably right. The frenum hurt, but from the testimony of a family member, the swab sounds worse. Getting kicked was _definitely_ worse. > [@Swallowed My Cellphone](#): > > I dropped my full weight onto a rusty, metal sign-post that was obscured by tall grass…I hit my perineum full-force. Despite all the pain I experienced as a child, as an adult I consider myself lucky that I wasn’t an inch over either way. I’m lucky I did not end up with serious rectal damage and I have the rest of my organs intact. This almost made me throw up. You’re lucky you were just six; your full adult weight on it… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/48 "2006-12-07T01:48:08Z")
Bartholin gland cyst the size of a golfball. By the time the doctor sticks a scalpel in to drain the fucking thing you’re THANKING him for it! ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/49 "2006-12-07T02:23:54Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] This almost made me throw up. You’re lucky you were just six; your full adult weight on it… :eek: [/QUOTE] Yes, it was very, _very_ bad. When my friends finally dragged me into the bathroom, I didn’t even want to look. There was blood, but to this day I’m not sure from where because I’ve never wanted to know, I couldn’t bear to examine myself. My parents looked positively whoozy as they were icing it that night, the doctor (who normally was as emotionless as Spock) seemed to actually appreciate my discomfort… …and all my friends and acquaintances wanted to see the monstrous bruising! On request, I dropped my pants dozens of times while my peers gasped in awe and horror at my purple and enormously swollen nether-regions. I suspect many were scarred for life by the sight. My friend’s younger brother puked. I felt strangely proud. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Push\_Up\_Bra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/edb3f5/32.png) [@Freudian\_Push\_Up\_Bra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Push_Up_Bra)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/50 "2006-12-07T02:30:30Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] Tell her she’s lucky. I’ve done that, and it was nowhere near as bad as the biopsy of my cervix (stirrups, specula, and then a really long nail-clipper like thingy with which they snipped off chunks of my cervix for testing with no anaesthetic) or the cyrofreezy thing they did another day, which involved more stirrups and specula, then liquid nitrogen being brushed onto my cervix. GAH! Not just pain pain pain, but freezing freezing freezing from your very insidest core. Not to mention that over the next two weeks the whole surface of my cervix died, smelled, and sloughed off in chunks like a really bad period mixed with roadkill. [/QUOTE] My entire genitalia just tried to close up. ALL OF IT. [QUOTE=Guinastasia] When I was about nine or ten, I must have sat in a patch of poison ivy one summer while wearing shorts. I got poison ivy ALL over my legs and on my labia. AAAH! [/QUOTE] I second that. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! As for myself, I’m very fortunate - the most painful thing I can think of to date is probably a urinary tract infection. And while it was painful to stand up after peeing, at least no one attacked my cervix with clippers. Holy cow. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/51 "2006-12-07T03:37:48Z")
Many, many, many chigger bites. It is _impossible_ to keep your hands off of your junk when this happens. Peeing after hernia surgery isn’t a picnic either. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/52 "2006-12-07T18:07:09Z")
Chopped a bunch of jalapenos and habeneros then went to take a piss without washing my hands first. Never did that again. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/53 "2006-12-07T18:54:49Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] Chopped a bunch of jalapenos and habeneros then went to take a piss without washing my hands first. Never did that again. [/QUOTE] Similar story: I worked for four years at a factory that manufactured nutritional supplements. In addition to the expected vitamins and minerals, we packaged herbs – everything from echinacea and St. John’s Wort to…powdered cayenne and ginger. It took once and only once for me to realize why all the veteran workers at the plant washed their hands before AND after taking a piss. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/54 "2006-12-07T19:27:50Z")
[QUOTE=McNew] 1. Got the head stuck in the zipper once. Didn’t have the neighbors or EMT’s looking in the window, but I ended up laying on the bathroom floor in agonizing pain. [/QUOTE] I’ve confirmed with Ivylad and Ivyboy that every man does this once. Never twice. Once is enough. For me, I was running around a swimming pool when I slipped and my right leg fell in, leaving to me to land my crotch oh so painfully on the rim of the pool. I think I whimpered and slipped all the way into water after that. ---
**Author:** ![Iggins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Iggins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggins)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2006, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/55 "2006-12-08T21:57:22Z")
I got nothing compared to you guys. Hit by a tennis ball, full force, directly on one ball, from about 4 feet away (and I was running towards the net). Ice kept the swelling down a bit. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2006, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/56 "2006-12-08T22:37:51Z")
Nipple clamps. ---
**Author:** ![Hogwash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e57/32.png) [@Hogwash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hogwash)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2006, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/57 "2006-12-08T22:53:44Z")
You don’t know pain 'til you get a tennis ball in your plums at full whack. This happened back when we used to go to tennis club after school on a friday evening. I crumpled in a heap. I was winded. I got that heavy feeling of sickness. I was obviously in so much distress that a friend of mine went and punched the kid that purposefully hit the ball at me. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2006, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/58 "2006-12-08T22:54:22Z")
A soccer ball kicked within a few feet of me striking at full speed. It took a good five minutes before I could pick myself up of the ground. ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/59 "2006-12-09T01:08:48Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] Chopped a bunch of jalapenos and habeneros then went to take a piss without washing my hands first. Never did that again. [/QUOTE] Me too, Me too The following Monday I let the staff know that I learned a valuable lesson over the weekend. When chopping peppers, wash hands before & after when going to take a leak. **and as a non OP related public service announcement** If you forget and rub your eyes after chopping peppers, soak a clean towel with a little milk and place over your eyes (like a compress). Will take away the burn almost immediately. I would imagine the same would work for the prior problem, but I didn’t know about it at the time so I haven’t tried it out. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2006, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914/60 "2006-12-09T07:04:16Z")
I have to say, I’m amazed at all the guys who are writing epic tragedies about their STD swabs. Either you have seriously hamfisted doctors or my dick is made of rubber, because honey, it _really_ doesn’t hurt that much. There’s a mild burning sensation, some more when I give my urine sample after, and that’s it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-most-painful-thing-done-to-your-genitals/382914.md?page=4)