# What's the quickest, surest way of developing cancer? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [October 23, 2009, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802 "2009-10-23T00:43:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/21 "2009-10-23T12:50:50Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > A friend of mine claimed that in research labs when they need to induce cancer (specifically brain cancer if I remember correctly) they inject rats with huge amounts of MSG. That’s just stupid. Maybe there are other techniques, but in those experiments lab animals can be given cancer through tumor grafts or genetic manipulation. That’d be a hell of a lot more precise than injecting them with a chemical - not to mention that MSG is not associated with cancer in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/22 "2009-10-23T13:35:52Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > My more flippant response: do anything to extremes. I don’t think any substance or situation exists that will not cause cancer in very large amounts (at least in lab rats). Actually true, as I understand it. Anything done to a far enough extreme overloads the body, causing damage. That damage is repaired by cells replicating to take the place of the damaged ones. Every time a cell replicates there is a small chance of a mutation that can lead to cancer. So; _ **anything** _ that stresses a body too much can cause cancer. Which does undercut studies that claim that “X causes cancer” when the lab animals involved were given massive amounts of “X”; the risk is that it is the massiveness of the dose that is causing the cancer, and not any innate carcinogenic qualities. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/23 "2009-10-23T13:40:11Z")
There are mice that have genes changed so they get cancer a lot more easily. They are used in cancer research. The genes that are removed are called tumor suppressing genes. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/24 "2009-10-23T13:55:24Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > There are mice that have genes changed so they get cancer a lot more easily. They are used in cancer research. The genes that are removed are called tumor suppressing genes. Right. They’re called “knockout mice” (or rats and so on) and they are given specific types of cancers depending on the study. It’s a process that’s just a wee bit more involved than “load up the MSG syringe, Fred, we’re goin’ in!” ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/25 "2009-10-23T14:45:02Z")
Out of curiosity, is this an idea for a book or something? Radiation is your best bet, and the surest way to make a nice tumor is to ensure prolonged contact. That means the radiation source will need to be either ingested, inserted, or worn. Ingestion seems easiest; it’s hard to sneakily insert something into someone else’s body without them noticing. So, put the radiation source into food or drink, or the air that the person breathes (though that’ll likely cause some collateral damage). Failing that, you want to go for prolonged external contact. Put the radiation source in something the person wears every day, like a belt, a piece of jewelry such as a pendant, or an ID badge. Or, in their bed; that’ll give at least a few good hours a day of contact. Note that it won’t be as effective as if you can get them to ingest the radioactive material, because ingestion allows the radiation to get right at those sensitive internal organs without the insulation of skin. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/26 "2009-10-23T14:48:01Z")
Ingesting radiation that way would probably kill you, but it would be due to organ damage, not cancer. Remember the Russian defector who was killed with polonium-210 a couple of years ago? ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/27 "2009-10-23T15:03:05Z")
Don’t forget to suppress the immune system so the cancerous cells are not attacked. ---
**Author:** ![Livardo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/43a26b/32.png) [@Livardo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Livardo)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/28 "2009-10-23T15:50:28Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > Out of curiosity, is this an idea for a book or something? > > Radiation is your best bet, and the surest way to make a nice tumor is to ensure prolonged contact. That means the radiation source will need to be either ingested, inserted, or worn. Ingestion seems easiest; it’s hard to sneakily insert something into someone else’s body without them noticing. So, put the radiation source into food or drink, or the air that the person breathes (though that’ll likely cause some collateral damage). > > Failing that, you want to go for prolonged external contact. Put the radiation source in something the person wears every day, like a belt, a piece of jewelry such as a pendant, or an ID badge. Or, in their bed; that’ll give at least a few good hours a day of contact. Note that it won’t be as effective as if you can get them to ingest the radioactive material, because ingestion allows the radiation to get right at those sensitive internal organs without the insulation of skin. Just a topic that came up during a drinking session. I wonder how many of those convos end up as topics here! And how many of those that you can actually **remember**! ---
**Author:** ![pan1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@pan1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pan1)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/29 "2009-10-23T15:58:03Z")
> [@Livardo](#): > > Just throwing a number outthere but could I develop cancer and die under a month? (using any of the methods already mentioned?) I’m obviously not going to seek any treatment. Anything that would develop cancer throughout your body (or even throughout one vital organ) that quickly would kill you before the cancer could. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/30 "2009-10-23T16:04:27Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > in those experiments lab animals can be given cancer through tumor grafts Errr haven’t you just answered the OP. A tumor graft sounds to me like the quickest surest way of get getting cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Livardo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/43a26b/32.png) [@Livardo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Livardo)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/31 "2009-10-23T16:22:40Z")
Thanks for all the replies, I’ve learned a lot! I liked the article about cancer someone posted. I kind of already knew what cancer was, but didn’t realize that you could have cancer “flowing through your veins”. So far it looks like radiation is the best way. Sounds like smoke detectors provide a good source of radiation material. Implanting cancerous tissue also sounds promising but as an average joe, that’s going to be a bit of a challenge. Also looks like a month is just too optimistic so we’ll have to shoot for a year or less. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/32 "2009-10-23T16:25:37Z")
X rays, X rays, Xrays! Visit every emerg for miles around, offer up lots of sprains, or brain tumor like symptoms. Free chest x rays at the mall, get thee down there. Toothache? More x rays! There are so many conditions that use x rays as diagnostic tools, you could just keep presenting, with varying complaints, at different clinics and ER’s. Of course you would have to tell some lies, to questions such as, “Have you had any other x rays recently? Have you seen another doctor?” etc, etc. I suspect it would take every minute of the month to accomplish, however. ---
**Author:** ![janeslogin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@janeslogin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janeslogin)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/33 "2009-10-23T16:26:47Z")
The fastest I knew personally was a researcher who had a “cure” for a rare and deadly cancer but it had lots of side affects so he was attempting to create carcinogens to cause the rare cancer in rats so he could research minimizing the side effects. He succumb to his research products in about 15 years _and he was attempting to take every precaution_. I expect some radiation persons in Japan or Chernobyl succumb much more quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/34 "2009-10-23T16:27:00Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > Errr haven’t you just answered the OP. A tumor graft sounds to me like the quickest surest way of get getting cancer. I’m not sure it meets the OP’s “practicality” criteria, but I think that idae and **ToeJam** ’s suggestion in post 9 would probably be the fastest. ---
**Author:** ![Nunavut\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e95f7d/32.png) [@Nunavut\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunavut_Boy)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/35 "2009-10-23T16:39:59Z")
How about massive does of [ethidium bromide?](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethidium_bromide) This stuff incorporates itself into your DNA, taking the the place of nucleic acids and screws up transcription and translation. Sure, wikipedia says that more research is needed, but you could DO that research! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/36 "2009-10-23T16:53:08Z")
A year seems definitely doable, but I think it’s pretty fuzzy in most cases how long it takes from the date of the very first cancer cell to the time where it’s actually detectable. Would you settle for “detected on Day 1, dead on Day X”, or does it need to be “first cell gets freaky on Day 1, dead on Day X”? ---
**Author:** ![Livardo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/43a26b/32.png) [@Livardo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Livardo)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/37 "2009-10-23T16:56:52Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I’m not sure it meets the OP’s “practicality” criteria, but I think that idae and **ToeJam** ’s suggestion in post 9 would probably be the fastest. I just re-read ToeJam’s suggestion and I think it’d be practical enough. If it had required a surgical procedure, it’d be a challenge. I think someone could manage to concoct the plasma solution. In absence of plasma, could I just toss the tumor in a blender with a pint of blood and tranfuse it? ---
**Author:** ![Livardo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/43a26b/32.png) [@Livardo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Livardo)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/38 "2009-10-23T17:00:31Z")
How about sticking my arm in a microwave oven? I reckon I’d cook myself if I set the power to high but would the microwaves mess with my DNA? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/39 "2009-10-23T17:30:31Z")
> [@Nunavut\_Boy](#): > > How about massive does of [ethidium bromide?](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethidium_bromide) This stuff incorporates itself into your DNA, taking the the place of nucleic acids and screws up transcription and translation. Sure, wikipedia says that more research is needed, but you could DO that research! I’ve got enough of that kicking around the lab to do the job. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/40 "2009-10-23T18:04:59Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > I would go with something like benzene… although I note that cigarettes are a major source of benzene. Better than benzene would be benzopyrene. You could salt your food with it, dry rub your body with it, make an benzene solution and aeresolize it (put it in a CPAP before you sleep), and wash your clothes (particularly your underwear) in it. I’d bet good money you’ve got some tumor growth at the end of the month. Also 1,4 butanedial, would probably be pretty great. Dialdehydes in general are just great for crosslinking DNA. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802.md?page=3)