# What's the quickest, surest way of developing cancer? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [October 23, 2009, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802 "2009-10-23T00:43:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/41 "2009-10-23T19:04:26Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > Errr haven’t you just answered the OP. A tumor graft sounds to me like the quickest surest way of get getting cancer. That’s what I was thinking. I recently read a news story of a vet who returned and got a lung transplant, and is dying because the donor had lung cancer and there was a screening oopsie. ---
**Author:** ![lazybratsche](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ba8739/32.png) [@lazybratsche](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lazybratsche)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/42 "2009-10-23T19:34:01Z")
> [@Nunavut\_Boy](#): > > How about massive does of [ethidium bromide?](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethidium_bromide) This stuff incorporates itself into your DNA, taking the the place of nucleic acids and screws up transcription and translation. Sure, wikipedia says that more research is needed, but you could DO that research! Eh, that stuff is hardly pleasant, but nobody has shown that it’s a mutagen in mammals. It’s been demonstrated that it’s a potent mutagen for bacteria, developing embryos, and cell cultures, but that’s about it. People have tested it in mammals without seeing any carcinogenic effects. Apparently, even, it’s used to [treat cattle for African Sleeping Sickness](http://bitesizebio.com/2007/09/26/ethidium-bromide-a-reality-check/), with a dose of 1 mg/kg. It’s LD50 for rats is 2 g/kg Granted, I’m still going to wear my gloves at the gel bench, and avoid splashing the stuff around. However, there are probably other chemical mutagens out there that would cause cancer relatively effectively. My money would be on something like that, since it doesn’t cause all of the other nasty things that acute radiation poisoning does. I don’t know what the most effective carcinogen would be, but perhaps EMS might be a good candidate – it’s one of the common ways that geneticists generate lots of mutants. [Here’s a nice database](http://potency.berkeley.edu/cpdb.html) that estimates which chemicals are the most potent carcinogens. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/43 "2009-10-23T19:44:08Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I’m not sure it meets the OP’s “practicality” criteria, but I think that idae and **ToeJam** ’s suggestion in post 9 would probably be the fastest. The OP is asking how to kill himself. Why are you giving advice on how to commit an illegal act, rather than closing the thread? ---
**Author:** ![fandango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b5ac83/32.png) [@fandango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fandango)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/44 "2009-10-23T20:00:07Z")
Too bad you are not a dog or a Tasmanian devil. They’ve got contagious parasitic cancers that are easy to transmit. Another way would be to use radiation to knock out your immune system, then you might get something like Kaposi’s Sarcoma. Of course a common cold would probably kill you first. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/45 "2009-10-23T20:59:33Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > The OP is asking how to kill himself. Why are you giving advice on how to commit an illegal act, rather than closing the thread? For one thing, [it’s not an illegal act](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2501/is-suicide-against-the-law). For another, it’s pretty clear that the OP is tongue-in-cheek, and does not actually intend to commit suicide by carcinoma. (Props to **gfactor** for finding the column by Cecil.) ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/46 "2009-10-23T21:03:12Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Ingesting radiation that way would probably kill you, but it would be due to organ damage, not cancer. Remember the Russian defector who was killed with polonium-210 a couple of years ago? That was going to be my answer. Polonium ingestion, in a large amount, would probably be the most quick way to cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/47 "2009-10-23T21:49:43Z")
> [@Livardo](#): > > How about sticking my arm in a microwave oven? I reckon I’d cook myself if I set the power to high but would the microwaves mess with my DNA? Microwave radiation isn’t ionizing radiation (like X-Rays and Gamma Rays). Unless heating your tissues is carcinogenic (I don’t know, but if that’s the case baking yourself under a nice strong heat lamp ought to work too) I doubt microwaves would be a good candidate. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2009, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/48 "2009-10-23T21:53:34Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > That was going to be my answer. Polonium ingestion, in a large amount, would probably be the most quick way to cancer. The message you quoted contradicts you. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2009, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/49 "2009-10-24T12:08:09Z")
> [@Canadjun](#): > > The message you quoted contradicts you. You’re correct, I made a mistake here, which is especially embarrassing as I’ve studied polonium for some time. I blame posting from work during a meeting and being distracted, but the short of it is I’m incorrect with respect to speed. ---
**Author:** ![Honesty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f04885/32.png) [@Honesty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honesty)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2009, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/50 "2009-10-24T16:40:16Z")
> [@Livardo](#): > > Let’s say I’m a mid 20s male in tip top shape. > > I’m an average joe, so I don’t have access to nuclear plants or X-Ray machines. > > What would be the quickest and surest way for me, a young lad of getting cancer? > > I thought maybe I could smoke 20 packs a day, but that would take too long. Household cleaners? I can’t poison myself in any way! It has to be cancer? > > Suggestions? Ethidium bromide. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2009, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/51 "2009-10-24T17:13:21Z")
> [@Nunavut\_Boy](#): > > How about massive does of [ethidium bromide?](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethidium_bromide) This stuff incorporates itself into your DNA, taking the the place of nucleic acids and screws up transcription and translation. Sure, wikipedia says that more research is needed, but you could DO that research! Ultimately, this is pretty much how most carcinogens work. Ironically, it is also how cisplatin kills cancer. You can incorporate things in the DNA all you like, but if you kill the cell in the process it wont cause cancer, it will cure it. ---
**Author:** ![Delayed\_Reflex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/delayed_reflex/32/3172_2.png) [@Delayed\_Reflex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delayed_Reflex)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2009, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/52 "2009-10-24T19:14:53Z")
If someone were to transplant cancer tumours from another patient to you, is it possible that they could survive, or would the tumours definitely die when extracted/be rejected when implanted? ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2009, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/53 "2009-10-25T01:37:15Z")
Depends- are you giving the patient immunosuppressive drugs while transplanting the cancer? (As we do w/ organ transplants) If you’re giving him that- it’s certainly got just as likely a chance to take as an organ transplant would (assuming you did the basics like HLA typing and blood matching and such). Hell, just while giving the guy immunosuppressive you could unlease one of his own cancers that he may have within him to being able to break out and actually take hold as well. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2009, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/54 "2009-10-26T13:50:17Z")
> [@Delayed\_Reflex](#): > > If someone were to transplant cancer tumours from another patient to you, is it possible that they could survive, or would the tumours definitely die when extracted/be rejected when implanted? Right, this was my objection: someone else’s tumors are going to cause an immune reaction. Now the immune reaction could cause fatal problems, but that’s not really what we’re looking for. But with just a little more sophistication, we can do better (of course, a real oncologist/immunoligist can improve on my suggestion, I’m sure): if you have access to a lab that can maintain human cell cultures, then you can start cell cultures with your own DNA. Make a bunch of replications and add massive doses of your favorite carcinogen. One of the replications will end up with a cancerous growth, which you can then break up and inject. (Actually, inject as many different strains as possible; some of them are going to run afoul of your immune system). ---
**Author:** ![Livardo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/43a26b/32.png) [@Livardo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Livardo)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2009, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/55 "2009-10-26T15:31:17Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > Right, this was my objection: someone else’s tumors are going to cause an immune reaction. Now the immune reaction could cause fatal problems, but that’s not really what we’re looking for. [This article](http://www.smh.com.au/world/patient-gets-cancer-after-being-given-smokers-lungs-20091012-gsmb.html) about the British army guy says he got a transplant from a smoker with cancerous lungs, which ended up spreading. > [@](#): > > But with just a little more sophistication, we can do better (of course, a real oncologist/immunoligist can improve on my suggestion, I’m sure): if you have access to a lab that can maintain human cell cultures, then you can start cell cultures with your own DNA. Make a bunch of replications and add massive doses of your favorite carcinogen. One of the replications will end up with a cancerous growth, which you can then break up and inject. (Actually, inject as many different strains as possible; some of them are going to run afoul of your immune system). I’d go with this. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2009, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802/56 "2009-10-26T18:08:23Z")
> [@Delayed\_Reflex](#): > > If someone were to transplant cancer tumours from another patient to you, is it possible that they could survive, or would the tumours definitely die when extracted/be rejected when implanted? Well, there are documented cases of people developing melanoma (and dying) after contracting it via a transplanted organ. A wholesale tumor, vs. a few cells in another organ, might not transplant all that well however, what with the tumor’s need for a blood supply. I’d go for individualized cells, or something contained in a transplanted organ, personally. This is of course all assuming rejection isn’t an issue. In the kidney transplant story, the antirejection drugs that saved the kidney probably also helped save the cancer cells. On posting, I see **Livardo** posted a very similar story. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-quickest-surest-way-of-developing-cancer/514802.md?page=2)