# What's the stupidest animal? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 15, 2009, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339 "2009-12-15T09:17:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/41 "2009-12-16T05:16:36Z")
Junebugs and flies are pretty dumb, but it might be a stretch to call them animals. For creatures with actual brains, I need to nominate killdeer. We wondered why mama killdeer lost so many chicks this spring… 'til we saw them sleeping in the middle of the road. Mystery solved. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/42 "2009-12-16T05:18:35Z")
Elizabeth Hasselbeck. ---
**Author:** ![LVBoPeep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/858c86/32.png) [@LVBoPeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVBoPeep)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/43 "2009-12-16T07:09:25Z")
> [@ianzin](#): > > At the risk of perhaps being a little unfair, I want to nominate sheep. I’ve encountered sheep many times in my life. I’ve never seen sheep do anything that suggested a flicker of intelligence. I’ve often seen them demonstrate the reverse, such as not responding to or moving away from danger, but moving away from things that are _not_ dangerous. But regardless of whatever scant anecdotal evidence I might be able to dredge up, I just think they look mentally vacant, all day evey day. I opened this thread because I knew someone would mention sheep… Sheep, like dogs, have different breeds and levels of intelligence. I own hair sheep (Kathadins & Dorpers) and they are very good at what they do- raise lambs. They are better at raising lambs than most humans are at raising humans. I get all warm and fuzzy about my sheep, and while I agree SOME sheep do incredibly stupid things, most have a good reason for the things they do, especially if they are designed to exist in harsher environments i.e, range sheep in the Western U.S. Go to a sheepdog trial sometime (a good one- border collie style is best!) and you’ll see sheep outsmart dog and human both- not always but enough to make them worthy opponents. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/44 "2009-12-16T08:55:04Z")
Dogs, all dogs. I mean what animal can be trained to go to the newsagent in the pissing rain to collect a newspaper it can’t even fucking read. Cats OTOH just sit smugly watching this idiotic animal making a fool of itself, again ---
**Author:** ![dragoncat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@dragoncat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragoncat)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/45 "2009-12-16T18:13:10Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > A dog which is disinclined to obedience is not stupid. In support of the Basset Hound, an acquaintance of mine explained to me one of the ways the experts have ranked “intelligence” among dog species. They put a blanket over each dog and timed it to see how long it would take the dog to get out from under the blanket. The Border Collie, of course, got out in a nanosecond. The Basset Hound lay down and fell asleep. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2009, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/46 "2009-12-16T18:29:13Z")
My brother. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/47 "2009-12-17T02:53:30Z")
> [@dragoncat](#): > > In support of the Basset Hound, an acquaintance of mine explained to me one of the ways the experts have ranked “intelligence” among dog species. > > They put a blanket over each dog and timed it to see how long it would take the dog to get out from under the blanket. > > The Border Collie, of course, got out in a nanosecond. The Basset Hound lay down and fell asleep. Yeah, agreed. If someone put a blanket on me, I’d be right there with the Basset napping! ---
**Author:** ![CTburns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a5b964/32.png) [@CTburns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CTburns)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/48 "2009-12-17T03:09:22Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > My cat must be somewhere in the top ten. > > “Meow! Meow! Meow!” > > “Okay, sure you’re hungry. No worries, I’ll feed you.” /Me fills food dish. > > /Cat eats, wanders back to closet with food bag. > > “Meow! Meow! Meow!” > > “No, cat, you just ate. In fact, there’s food in your dish. You can eat it. It’s five minutes old, I promise it’s still good.” > > “Meow! Meow! MEOW!” > > “You’ve, ah, forgetten there’s food in your dish, haven’t you?” > > “Meow.” I think that he doesn’t like what you fed him. He can’t figure out why you’re too stupid to understand that! LOL! ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/49 "2009-12-17T03:20:57Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#): > > The spiders in my carport. Nearly every damn morning they build a web at face height across my doorway that I walk through. I’m too big for your web! You’d think after endless hundreds of morning repetitions they’d learn! > > My wife said something about ducking, or waving my hand, yesterday. Not sure what she means by that, that would mean the spiders would win… “If we pull this off, we’ll eat like Kings!” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/50 "2009-12-17T03:24:02Z")
> [@Foma](#): > > As a person who grew up around the farm, I would have to nominate chickens for the same reasons. Stupid, stupid animals. Roosters also get extra points in my book for being ornery little bastards. > > Also: Pigeons…and doves. Come to think of it, I may just have a serious prejudice against birds. I don’t know about the stupid part, but I can vouch for ornery. I had chickens for several years - they all lived a long long time for chickens. But that rooster was ornery. If I wasn’t carrying food, he wanted to fight. They figured out how to “tell me” it was time to refill the feeder - they’d sit next to the bin where I kept their food, and would follow me all the way to the feeder (single file like a parade), to make sure I did my job. They also liked to come in and watch television, but always went outside to poop. Pretty smart for chickens. ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/51 "2009-12-17T05:45:02Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Don’t tell that a raven or a parrot. Or a crow. My brain isn’t working too well, but that internet lecture series (Ted something) has a program on them. ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/52 "2009-12-17T06:18:14Z")
I apologize in advance for the further hijack of this thread, but: I probably shouldn’t be surprised that my Beagle, Boomer, is 72/79 on the list. He’ll be 18 in April (I really think he’ll make it, despite his ailments), and he continues to irritate me with his inscrutable behavior. I also want to nominate for the OP those South American sloths that move so slowly and infrequently that moss grows on them. How the hell do they ever “get lucky” and procreate? What are South American sloth frat parties like? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/53 "2009-12-17T07:10:29Z")
Chickens definitely. But I nominate spruce hens. These birds are so dumb, you can shoot at them, have a near miss (as in it gets so close it ruffles their feathers) and they’ll STAY THERE! Yeah, they’ll look around a bit like “what was that? oh well must not have been important”. But seriously! (and no I don’t hunt, despite being here 40 years, I"m not a “real” Alaskan, I find hunting/fishing/snowmachining HORRIBLY boring :D, this was observed way back when I was a kid “hunting” with my granddad, and later when I stupidly went hunting with a boyfriend). ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/54 "2009-12-17T07:28:28Z")
Children are worse than dogs. Children will dash out in front of your car, only realizing you’re there oncel they’re directly in your path, at which point they freeze and stare at you like a deer in the headlights. Ordinary humans respond to dangerous situations with a “fight or flight” reflex. Children only have a “freeze” reflex. I’m surprised children have lasted more than a year or two after the widespread adoption of the automobile. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/55 "2009-12-17T07:34:29Z")
> [@Chief\_Pedant](#): > > You can find the dumbest ten breeds of dogs here: [http://petrix.com/dogint/70-79.html](http://petrix.com/dogint/70-79.html) Three of my favorite breeds are on that list. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![T.Slothrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3e96dc/32.png) [@T.Slothrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.Slothrop)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/56 "2009-12-17T08:26:20Z")
The fish aweoweo. They live in caves. They are bright red or bright silver and very tasty. I would aim my sling at them from outside the cave with difficulty because I was aiming around my head. I would often miss. On the first or the second miss, this bright red or silver fish would think: “he can’t see me.” and continue cowering against the cave wall. On the third miss the fish would rush out of the cave, often hitting my face mask in the process. the website: [Family Priacanthidae, Bigeyes](http://www.marinelifephotography.com/fishes/bigeyes/bigeyes.htm) ---
**Author:** ![mo50](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@mo50](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mo50)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/57 "2009-12-17T14:03:16Z")
From my own personal experience : A guy who is “aroused”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/58 "2009-12-17T15:20:31Z")
> [@mo50](#): > > From my own personal experience : A guy who is “aroused”. 😃 You are probably thrown off by the stupid grin and odd jerky motions. Some of us prefer the term “single-minded.” In any case, I’m pretty sure I’m smarter than a chicken in … Huh, what? What was I saying? Sorry, I was thinking about boobs for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2009, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/59 "2009-12-17T15:35:08Z")
> [@ianzin](#): > > At the risk of perhaps being a little unfair, I want to nominate sheep. I’ve encountered sheep many times in my life. I’ve never seen sheep do anything that suggested a flicker of intelligence. I’ve often seen them demonstrate the reverse, such as not responding to or moving away from danger, but moving away from things that are not dangerous. But regardless of whatever scant anecdotal evidence I might be able to dredge up, I just think they look mentally vacant, all day evey day. > [@Chez\_Guevara](#): > > You’ve been mixing with the wrong kind of sheep. > > Back in May, I encountered a lamb on the road so I parked the car and got out to try and round it up. The beast ran away every time I approached it. Another motorist stopped to help. It took a full half hour before we managed to manoeuvre the little bastard through a hole in the hedge, from whence it trotted off to rejoin its mother. > > Sheep may look mentally vacant, but behind that innocent facade lies a Machiavellian cunning. [Aye, and there’s no creature so dangerous as a clever sheep](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TeiSsJ3G_0)! ---
**Author:** ![truthbot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@truthbot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthbot)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2009, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339/60 "2009-12-19T02:10:58Z")
I have to nominate poultry. When I was a girl I grew up on a ranch. The chicken coop had a large uprooted stump next to it. When a hawk circled over, the chickens would shove their heads into/under the stump, thinking Whew! that hawk is gone now! Problem was, their bodies were still in full view of the hawk, who would swoop down and grab one of the unfortunate hens. Secondly, I have been living in close proxmity to wild turkeys the last seven years. I have many acres of pasture that are fenced and cross-fenced with non-climb wire fencing. Flocks of turkeys pass through the pastures daily, eighty percent will hop over the fences with no difficulty, but the remaining twenty percent of the turkeys will run up and down the fence-line in a panic because they can’t figure out how to get over the fence-line. I’ve observed them in their frenzied attempts to find a magical opening in the fence-line for hours. “Oh, if only we could _fly_!” It’s very Gary Larson. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-stupidest-animal/521339.md?page=4)