What's the worst theatrical production you ever attended

Cafe Society
62

I’m surprised by the hate for Godot. I got a free copy of the play from a library give away. I read it to see what all the fuss was about. I thought it was great. I’d have paid quite a bit to see Zero Mostel, or Robin Williams and Billy Crystal, or Patrick Stewart and Ian Mckellen. I did get to see (as part of the Philly Fringe Festival) a one man play by Beckett. It was great. I cannot recall the title and my Google Fu is weak. It ends (non spoiler) with the line “There are loves and then there are loves.” It was great.

I explain Beckett to people as “Imagine some one of great wisdom figured out God, the universe and everything. Then, they told all they know to the 3 Stooges. The Stooges trying to remember and explain things to the audience is the play/”

63

Any chance it was a staging of his short story “First Love”? (Last two sentences: “I could have done with other loves perhaps. But there it is, either you love or you don’t.”)

64

I don’t think so… Full spoilers (my memory may be off)


A man tells of how his family kicked him out, without a cent or any remorse, into the world. He lived on the streets sleeping in graveyards and on benches. A woman takes him in. I remember a lot of detail about how there was no plumbing, so he used a stew pot as a toilet. He and the woman fall in love. He learns she is a hooker. "I said ‘You live by prostitution?’ " “She said ’ No. WE live by prostitution.” She tells the man she is pregnant with his child. He tells her to get an abortion. Faced with the happy prsopect of living with the hooker and raising a child- he leaves. He explains in great detail his reasons and feelings. He ends with the quote I gave above.

65

For me, it was a production of A Taste of Honey during my freshman year of college. I’m not sure if it was a sanctioned class or just an enthusiastic group of drama majors but they had decided to try putting on the play without a director.

Even to my 18-year old, decidedly non-thespian self, it was apparent one was needed, if only to say, “No,” once in a while.

66

I once witnessed a series of skits by a very sincere Christian amateur drama group, the only conceivable effect on the audience of which would be drive them towards atheism.

It didn’t help that the acting was not amazing, but the real problem was the writing. Each skit was either a re-telling of a Biblical story or a whimsical elucidation of core Christian theology. In pretty much all of them, the narrative, dialogue and acting contrived to present the Lord God as a total psychopath.

For example, they did Noah. Some tellings would emphasise the drama of the flood. Others God’s contract with His chosen people. These guys front-loaded the story, by dwelling on God’s decision to exterminate almost all of humanity. No matter how much Noah pleaded, the actor playing God - who had decided that the key aspect of the character was “smugness” - insisted with no hint of either regret or anger, that he was quite committed to wiping out pretty much everybody. The more he repeated this point, the more a person began to ask themselves questions.

The other that sticks in the mind was a short bit on the theme of “only through me can you reach the kingdom of heaven”. The set up was that a very rich woman had, out of her new Christian faith, given up her possessions and donated all to charity and the Church. Again, God was a character in the skit. All the woman wanted to keep, out of literally everything she owned, was a poster of a football player. God, quite cheerfully, told her that she couldn’t have both the poster and His love. When she said she really couldn’t bear to part with it, he matter-of-factly told her she’d burn in hell.

Didn’t stick around much after that, but would have been very interested to discuss with the group what they had intended to achieve in writing and performing these, and how they thought it had worked out.

67

I’ve seen loads of experimental and amateur theatre of varying quality. But one of the worst - or maybe, most disappointing things I’ve seen is Cats. It was a touring production and the stage design, orchestra etc was on point. But I couldn’t shake off how underwhelmed I was by it all.

68

I don’t know. I’ve seen a lot of plays, professional and amateur. The professional ones were always good, and the amateur ones were generally pretty good. And I’d hate to complain about people who were giving their all (except, perhaps, for one musical production I was in where the lead couldn’t sing to save his life. Really. It was truly awful, but no one called him on it.)

But probably the most disappointing I saw was a production of Amadeus I saw at Pioneer Memorial Theater in Salt Lake City, Utah. And it wasn’t the fault of the actors – it was the way they bowdlerized the play.

I’d read the play a zillion times by this time, and had seen the show on Broadway (with Frank Langella playing Salieri – Damn! he was good!), and this was about the time the film version came out. So, not surprising that Utah theater would showcase their own version.

Except – it’s Utah. And, even though Pioneer Memorial is associated with the University of Utah, which has no affiliation with the LDS Church, they still feel they have to tailor their shows to their audience.

So …they cleaned it up. Completely.

Mozart can’t say “shit” or “fart” or any of his other puerile obscenities.

Of course, the point is that Mozart does say such things, and, in Salieri’s opinion is utterly unfitting to be the vessel through God bestows the gift of Divine Music on Mankind. Whereas the noble and pious and completely worthy Salieri has, by contrast, not a fraction of Mozart’s talent. Which is why Salieri declares War on God, with Mozart as the battlefield.

But it doesn’t work if Mozart isn’t a completely unworthy little fuck. You can’t really call him vulgar if he doesn’t spout vulgarities. The dynamic of the play doesn’t work if Mozart is a wishy-washy annoyance who says “darn” and “heck”. It’s like getting mad about a bruise when you really need a great festering wound to give it stature.

So the play fell flat.

69

Frank Langella is one of those actors who is always great, even when the rest of the movie is utter crap.

70

Springtime for Hitler

71

You left before groovy Hitler played piano.

72

Maybe he was marching to a faster pace.

73

This, I have to say, is a rather fine explanation. You may consider it stolen.

I, too, like me some Becket; but I don’t recognize the mystery play at all.

j