# What's the worst thing you've heard about yourself by chance? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 4, 2005, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715 "2005-10-04T09:29:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/41 "2005-10-06T11:42:52Z")
> [@Rodgers01](#): > > Roger thornhill – I don’t get your first example. (Didn’t get your second example either, till you explained what a wally is!) On the surface, saying that you learned a lot from someone “in a funny sort of way” doesn’t strike me as overly mean – a bit eyebrow-raising, but if said in an affectionate way, it wouldn’t be offensive at all. Is there a subtext I’m missing? Was he implying that you were stupid or something? I didn’t get it either 😕 Most of what I’ve learned about what others think of my quiet persona is that it’s actually quite arrogant or threatening :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/42 "2005-10-06T12:40:20Z")
I’ve been hearing I’m arrogant from various hearsay sources since I’ve been twelve, I guess. Doesn’t phase me anymore, but as a teenager, one wonders what one is doing wrong! I wasn’t completely shy, but more shy than average. I wasn’t a nerd, or a jock, I was just average. I was a little smarter than most of my peers, so I dunno, maybe that was it. These days I just chalk it up to people either mistaking confidence for arrogance, or measuring you on _their_ own scale, which happens to be “very insecure, so the rest of the world is arrogant”. Or maybe I am a bit arrogant, who knows. 🙂 Other than that, I just wanted to drop in and say that I’m amazed at how rotten some people can be. Neidhart, damn dude. I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you’ll reconsider your general stance on mankind - there are plenty of truly nice people out there. Cletus, sounds like you dodged a fucking bullet there, man. Even though it must have been devastating at the time - MAN what a story. ---
**Author:** ![metj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@metj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/metj)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/43 "2005-10-06T12:59:08Z")
Sort of applies - more of something I mis-heard In my sophmore year of highschool, I was sitting in Chemistry class when one of my friends made a comment about me to the person behind her. He replied, “Who’s that? That girl with the poopy hair?” Poopy hair? I didn’t think my hair was that bad, but the next day I started styling it differently. Just a month or so ago (8 years later), I was at work when it popped in my head that he said “poofy hair” Yes, my hair was poofy back then, but at least it wasn’t poopy. ---
**Author:** ![Rodgers01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/44 "2005-10-06T13:07:51Z")
> [@metj](#): > > Sort of applies - more of something I mis-heard > > In my sophmore year of highschool, I was sitting in Chemistry class when one of my friends made a comment about me to the person behind her. He replied, “Who’s that? That girl with the poopy hair?” Poopy hair? I didn’t think my hair was that bad, but the next day I started styling it differently. > > Just a month or so ago (8 years later), I was at work when it popped in my head that he said “poofy hair” Yes, my hair was poofy back then, but at least it wasn’t poopy. That made me laugh out loud, “poopy hair.” Did you worry for eight long years about having poopy hair? ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/45 "2005-10-06T13:15:10Z")
> [@PinkMarabou](#): > > “she looks like you with your tiny eyes, that’s what we all were laughing about.” That’s so unfair to laugh at me in front of my face and not tell me. I am part Irish and part Slovic, I have almond shaped eyes that occaisionally someone will ask me if I’m part Asian. That’s something I have no control over and I find quite beautiful about myself. I’ve been picked on for the same thing. Even my own family thought there was something wrong with me because my eyes didn’t look like theirs. It sure was fun when the movie _Deliverence_ came out. Everybody at school thought they were being halarious when they started calling me “Banjo Boy”. It wasn’t until I went away to school, and around normal people that I found out my eyes were just almond shaped. I had heard the term before, but didn’t know it applied to me. As for the OP, I was suprised to learn that some people thought I was rude, because I didn’t talk much in social situations. I’m not shy, and not really introverted, but I have a soft voice and find it hard to make myself heard, when everyone else is talking, so I don’t try. Also, I’m incredibly un-rude, to the point that I’ve endangered my own health and safety, just to avoid conflict. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/46 "2005-10-06T13:18:18Z")
“In a funny sort of way”. Well, I’d been a Christian praying for Nick when he was one of the lads - on the booze and all that. Also, though I had (and still have) a somewhat unconventional way of viewing the world, I was esteemed by some (especially teachers) as bright and perceptive, especially. So, with regard to Nick, who wasn’t the brightest bulb in the chandelier, I reckoned he must have gained a lot from me. The expected response among friends to “I’ve learned a lot from you” is, well, pretty much the exact same thing (like “how do you do” mirrored by “how do you do”). And that’s what he did say, giving me a good , if not surprising or exceptional feeling, until he added that disclaimer. It certainly hit home with me. ---
**Author:** ![Rodgers01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/47 "2005-10-06T13:34:08Z")
> [@roger thornhill](#): > > “In a funny sort of way”. Well, I’d been a Christian praying for Nick when he was one of the lads - on the booze and all that. Also, though I had (and still have) a somewhat unconventional way of viewing the world, I was esteemed by some (especially teachers) as bright and perceptive, especially. So, with regard to Nick, who wasn’t the brightest bulb in the chandelier, I reckoned he must have gained a lot from me. The expected response among friends to “I’ve learned a lot from you” is, well, pretty much the exact same thing (like “how do you do” mirrored by “how do you do”). And that’s what he did say, giving me a good , if not surprising or exceptional feeling, until he added that disclaimer. It certainly hit home with me. Hmm, I think it must just be a cultural difference. (Are you originally from Hong Kong, or are you British? – “one of the lads” and all that) I don’t think the typical American would have taken the slightest offence, unless it was said in a particularly nasty tone, nor do I think most Americans would feel obliged to respond in like when told that someone had learned a lot from them. Maybe there’s also a cultural difference tied in with your religious style, as the references to being a Christian are still a bit confusing to me. If that is indeed the case, it’s eye-opening finding out what causes offence in different cultures! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MizGrand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cdc98d/32.png) [@MizGrand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MizGrand)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/48 "2005-10-06T14:52:30Z")
Well, I didn’t hear it by chance, but by email. I, too, am a bit sarcastic, but 99.9% of the time it’s all in jest. I almost pride myself on being able to insult people without them even knowing it. I have a wide vocabulary. Anyhoo… 8/20/05 My very-best-friend’s (BF) daughter’s wedding reception. I’ve known daughter since she was 6 (she’s 24) but only been friends with her mom for 14 years. Best friends. For 14 years. We met as a result of my dating her brother in the “old days” when I partied hard, she & I both turned our lives completely around and have achieved the “perfect life” so to say. BF likes to gossip. She tells me that the maid-of-honor (MOH) has slept with her brother, who I dated. Okay, so what? But here’s the kicker…at the reception I think I’m gonna make a joke to the MOH since we have something in common (sleeping with Dave), granted, it was a crass joke and it bombed like Hiroshima. I apologized profusely to both MOH and bride. Party goes on and my family & I leave. 8/24/05 I email BF asking if she’s angry due to my faux pax. She has a history of “not talking to me when she’s pissed”. I get no response. After a month of kissing her ass via email, she sends me one SO FULL OF VITRIOL stemming from infractions dating back to my 1993 wedding (the picture I chose for the wedding photo was unattractive of her!) to present. I hadn’t a clue she thought so shittily of me. I honestly tried to smooth things out, thinking I might forgive that one snotty email, but more ensued and it became clear that she obviously thought so little of me that my pride wouldn’t allow me to continue the friendship regardless. It makes me hurt very badly that someone who said they “loved” me really thought I was an inconsiderate piece of shit. Oh, and BTW, she pulled out stuff that I had said that hurt her from years ago and had NEVER even indicated it was a problem at the time. WTF? Stand up for yourself and tell people when they’ve hurt you! ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/49 "2005-10-06T15:42:32Z")
Wow. Some of these stories are really depressing. I over heard my mum telling someone on the phone that I was a bit immature for my age. (I was about 8 at the time. HELLO?) On a school trip I was in a toilet cubicle. 3 girls came in and one of them says. “So what do you think about Gemma?” one responds “she’s ok.” At this point I came out of the cubicle. I didn’t even know these girls! They were in my year, but I didn’t even know them. I was weird to discover I was being judged by people I didn’t even know, even if they weren’t saying anything negative. When I was 17, I discovered that a particular person was talking about me behind my back. She was accusing me of leading on a guy. Well screw you bitch! Can you all guess who I’m marrying? ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/50 "2005-10-06T16:13:13Z")
I had something like this happen yesterday in Calc class. Two people sitting behind me were being pretty loud, but I ignored them. Before class I was practicing some structures for a biochem test, and I caught the girl looking somewhat looking over my shoulder. I heard her muttering something about an Alkene or something, which had nothing to do with the structure I was drawing. I think she is one of those people that took a little biochem stuff in highschool chemistry and thinks they know it all. Her and her “boyfriend” are both equally annoying during class, loudly proclaiming that the teacher (who is from some slavic country), is either a genius for stating something obvious, or making fun of his heritage, which they misattribute as russian. Well, near the end of class I hear fragments that sound like they are talking about me. Mind you, I am actually concentrating on the lecture, so I pretty much ignore them, but it went something like this: Girl: I just want to reach out and touch it. Guy: Huh, Huh (yeah, beavis), you would have to wash your hand. Girl: yeah, gross Mind you, I have a shaved head, I shower every day, don’t sweat or get oily, and definately didn’t have any kind of sores on my head or anything. Since I was the only thing within reaching distance, I just assumed. Well, after class, I take a look at them, and they both have raggedy hair that appears unwashed, one guy had what looked like faded permanent marker ink on every single one of his knuckles, and both were wearing some of the skankiest clothing (not talking sexy skanky, but dirty and old skanky). I don’t judge others by their clothing, but this was obvious- wear, grime, etc. And them talking about my clean, immaculate head. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/51 "2005-10-06T16:22:00Z")
My sophomore year in college, I was working on the computer I shared with my dorm roommate. I thought I’d copied some text and went to paste it into a new document, only to paste in some text that my roommate had evidently copied earlier. It was this giant rant about me to a friend of hers. Now, granted, I had a bad cold at the time and HAD been coughing a lot, which would be annoying. But she really went off about me and how I wouldn’t stop coughing, and then said some other shit about my boyfriend and the hours I kept… some really mean things in there, as well as stuff that was understandable, BUT THAT SHE’D NEVER MENTIONED TO ME. Arrgh! I got really upset about it, and as soon as she got home, told her I’d read about it, and wound up crying (also acknowledging that I hadn’t had the right to read it, but saw my name and did). She apologized up and down, explaining that she’d had a bad day and just needed to vent, and cried too. We wound up getting past it, but I spent a lot less time in the room after that and avoided being there as much as I could. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/52 "2005-10-06T16:23:23Z")
Read off a carelessly left-behind clipboard belonging to my choir instructor after the auditions for _42nd Street_ my senior year in high school … “Can sing/dance/act … too fat to play Dorothy.” ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/53 "2005-10-06T18:44:23Z")
This wasn’t “by chance” per se, though I certainly didn’t seek it out. I had a friend, someone I considered my best friend, in fact, who would casually drop into conversation every unflattering thing she ever heard something say about me. Like, Christine said she hated that I was in her stats class because I was a show-off with questions. Or John said I was too loud and unfeminine. That sort of thing. Sometimes she said it in a supposed attempt to help me better myself; other times to paint herself the hero (she’d explain how she defended me to them). It took me a long time to figure out that no true friend would do this; I think she was trying to make me feel bad about myself and make me distrust all our common acquaintances. Whatever her motivations, she was absolutely psycho. As was I, for not seeing through her. ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/54 "2005-10-06T21:51:55Z")
Though I had been popular in elementary school, I became horribly unpopular in middle school (sixth and seventh grade) and my former friends desperately tried to get rid of me – and I just as desperately tried to hold on to them. I went over to one of these supposed friend’s homes to visit and her mother made her ask me to her upcoming birthday party (lots of whispering in the kitchen, etc . . . I knew what was going on). I accepted the invitation and the following Monday at school heard supposed friend (“Karen”) and other bitchy girl talking about me: Bitchy: Ooooh, Jennshark is sooooo grooooosssss. Why is she coming to your birthday party? Karen: Because my mother said I had to be nice to her. Can you, like, believe it? Bitchy: Yuck! Gaaaaaawd, I hope she doesn’t come. And I went to the party and had a terrible time. Thank Gaaaaaaaaawd I’ve managed to generate a bit more dignity and self esteem in the ensuing 25 years. ---
**Author:** ![Martha\_Medea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@Martha\_Medea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martha_Medea)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/55 "2005-10-06T22:07:59Z")
Around the time I was about to go to university, a school friend showed me a letter from another friend who had written some things about me. She described me as ‘too boisterous’ and ‘not sensitive enough’, because I did not share her love of poetry. :rolleyes: It did not bother me in the least. We remained friends for a while, but I backed off when she evolved into a big time god botherer. She went on to join a cult, which disintegrated after the leader ran off with one of the recruits. We are no longer in touch. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2005, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/56 "2005-10-06T22:49:15Z")
> [@PinkMarabou](#): > > Well, this wasn’t so much by chance as it was more by my asking. > > I was dating this guy my mom fixed me up with when I was about 20. He wasn’t really my type, but I found things I liked about him and gave it a chance, I have an open mind. I started finding out things about him that really irked me; he was “that annoying guy” back in high school (and I could see why, all my friends hated this guy), he was a bible-thumper (I’m atheist), and he was just . . . obnoxious. But I was lonely and for some reason you overlook things when you are starting out in a relationship. > > We went out to lunch one day in his home town and some girl he went to school with was a waitress there. They chatted it up out of my earshot. When he got back to the table I asked him who his friend was and if they went to school together, etc. He then tells me he asked her what she thought of me and she told him “she’s cute in a weird way”. What? Weird? I have never had a problem attracting all sorts of men. Granted, I’m not the cookie-cutter blonde hair, blue eyes, typical small-town country girl; I have deep auburn hair, green eyes, and at the time I had a killer body. So because I don’t look like you I’m now weird? > > Another time, a friend of mine (she didn’t mean this to be cruel, but it was still the way it was presented) had me and my DH over to her apartment. When we walk in the door, she picks up this advertisement from a local photography company. It has a little girl on it who appears to be part asian. She shows it to my husband and says “who does this look like?”. They all start giggling and no one tells me who they’re referring to. The next day I kept prying him for what was so funny and he says “she looks like you with your tiny eyes, that’s what we all were laughing about.” That’s so unfair to laugh at me in front of my face and not tell me. I am part Irish and part Slovic, I have almond shaped eyes that occaisionally someone will ask me if I’m part Asian. That’s something I have no control over and I find quite beautiful about myself. > > Once again, because I don’t look like everyone else, somehow I’m “funny”. This is what I get for hanging around people who live in small towns where all they see is their extended family. People with limited vocabularies do this all the time. They probably wanted to say “striking”, “interesting” or “different” but all they can come up with is “weird” or “funny.” My husband does it all the time. Drives me fucking nuts. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/57 "2005-10-07T01:47:27Z")
> [@RSSchen](#): > > I hadn’t a clue she thought so shittily of me…It makes me hurt very badly that someone who said they “loved” me really thought I was an inconsiderate piece of shit. Oh, and BTW, she pulled out stuff that I had said that hurt her from years ago and had NEVER even indicated it was a problem at the time. Stand up for yourself and tell people when they’ve hurt you! This is probably far more common than we think. I guess it’s one reason that some of us don’t make very close friendships - I for one can’t say I have a “best friend”, although I think I could have a stab at guessing who my “worst enemies” are! Of course, the other reason some of us don’t contract close friendships is that we’re not very friendly, or too demanding, or too selfish. Or perhaps too deluded - thinking we’re special. Anyway, it’s a tough situation for you. I hope it has some good effects in the long run. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/58 "2005-10-07T07:41:28Z")
> [@Rodgers01](#): > > I think it must just be a cultural difference (Sorry - only just seen this.) I doubt it. There’s a bit in Garrison Keillor’s _Radio Romance_ where he hero Frank is told by the unrequited love of his life, “I love you, in my own way.” Frank ponders what she should mean by this tag. Either, he reasons (as indeed I had done not five seconds earlier when reading Maria’s words), you love someone, or you don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Hokkaido\_Brit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/d26b3c/32.png) [@Hokkaido\_Brit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hokkaido_Brit)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/59 "2005-10-07T10:20:43Z")
> [@David Simmons](#): > > I seem to hang around discreet people who don’t talk out of school because I’ve never overheard anything about myself. > > My father did say one thing to me and I don’t think he even realized what he had said. I still get a chuckle out of it when I think of it - like now. > > We were discussing methods of birth control and he confided his favorite method which he said he knew was the only one that worked because he had “tried the others and they don’t work.” > > So I guess my sister and I were unwanted. Or that you have some half brothers/sisters out there somewhere!! Eep. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715/60 "2005-10-07T12:13:21Z")
One of my ex-employers has, on more than one occasion when addressing former employees, said that he now has the ideal teanm he’s always wanted working for him. He’s an unusually intelligent guy, and extremely enthusiastic when he goes on like this, but I think he has _no_ idea that he’s insulting his former associates every time he says that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-the-worst-thing-youve-heard-about-yourself-by-chance/324715.md?page=4)