# What's this sticky crap on my right hand? (Ridiculous/paranoid answers only, please.) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 29, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767 "2010-10-29T14:48:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/21 "2010-10-29T17:31:51Z")
Borg assimilation gel. The Collective realized that if you’ve got nanomachines that can digest and modify humanoid tissue, there really isn’t a need to break the skin with a needle - anything that will keep your nanobots in contact with skin long enough to assimilate and penetrate it will do fine. Hence, assimilation gel, smeared by time-traveling drones on things people are likely to touch. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Your technology and culture, including your loathing of all things Welsh, will be adapted to service the Borg. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/22 "2010-10-29T17:33:59Z")
Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but welcome to the world of coffee herpes. Don’t drink ANY beverage out of a paper cup during an outbreak, and be sure to warn all your barristas before ordering. – > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m sure that was just a mistake on your part. You didn’t MEAN to imply that Athena was a dude. Right? You are taking KOF way too seriously . . . Anyway, the crossdresser is King. Athena is the girl with the shrieky voice and the overprotective brother. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/23 "2010-10-29T17:35:25Z")
> [@Ura-Maru](#): > > Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but welcome to the world of coffee herpes. > > Don’t drink ANY beverage out of a paper cup during an outbreak, and be sure to warn all your barristas before ordering. > > – > > You are taking KOF way too seriously . . . Anyway, the crossdresser is King. Athena is the girl with the shrieky voice and the overprotective brother. I have no idea what any of that means. But since I have to take the shrieky voice remark as a insult to the goddess, you have forced me to release the spiders. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/24 "2010-10-29T17:40:06Z")
The sticky crap is, in fact, crap. Specifically, bedbug crap. You are infested. Don’t scratch - it’ll only make it worse. The only hope is to fill your bathtub with cider vinegar, rub olive oil all over your body before submerging in the tub, and finish with garlic powder in place of talcum powder. But first, you must burn all your clothing, shave all your body hair, and call everyone you’ve had contact with in the last 37 hours… You’re welcome. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/25 "2010-10-29T17:50:00Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > The sticky crap is, in fact, crap. Specifically, bedbug crap. You are infested. Don’t scratch - it’ll only make it worse. The only hope is to fill your bathtub with cider vinegar, rub olive oil all over your body before submerging in the tub, and finish with garlic powder in place of talcum powder. > > But first, you must burn all your clothing, shave all your body hair, and call everyone you’ve had contact with in the last 37 hours… > > You’re welcome. Fool of Seelie! I showered once and washed my hands twice between making the bed and discovering the mysterious crap. Clearly it cannot be the waste of _Cimex lectularius_. Now come up with a better answer, or I will taunt you a second time. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/26 "2010-10-29T18:00:39Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I showered once For 20 minutes? In the 60s? That would explain all sorts of sticky goo. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/27 "2010-10-29T18:06:06Z")
Oh, didn’t they tell you? You’re turning into a White Dude. It starts with the sticky, then progresses to NASCARitis. Sorry, there’s no known cure. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/28 "2010-10-29T18:15:10Z")
It’s a reference to a third-string character from a Neo Geo fighting game from the late 90s. So, what, too soon? By all means release the spiders. I’m not aware of any wrong done by spiders. Why have you been holding them captive? What do you have against spiders? – Ticks, on the other hand. Those fuckers NEED killing. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/29 "2010-10-29T19:36:54Z")
High fructose impetigo. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/30 "2010-10-29T19:48:34Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > Borg assimilation gel. The Collective realized that if you’ve got nanomachines that can digest and modify humanoid tissue, there really isn’t a need to break the skin with a needle - anything that will keep your nanobots in contact with skin long enough to assimilate and penetrate it will do fine. Hence, assimilation gel, smeared by time-traveling drones on things people are likely to touch. > > Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Your technology and culture, including your loathing of all things Welsh, will be adapted to service the Borg. I do not loathe all things Welsh. Never said I did. it is merely their dark Prince I want smothered in caterpillars. I mean, yes, I have disdan and pity for the Welsh people, but it’s not _loathing_. And even that doesn’t apply to [Duffy](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFjF64Mcaao), on account of the awesomeness. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/31 "2010-10-29T20:30:42Z")
It’s obvious that you have multiple personality disorder and one of your alts was making extra money giving handjobs. If you haven’t found the extra money then that alt personality is just a slut and doing it for free. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/32 "2010-10-29T20:39:52Z")
It’s all [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPX41oIaxcc), at about 2:20 in. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/33 "2010-10-29T20:57:27Z")
I’m sorry, you have been infected by the Primeval [killer fungus](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ynw6fo9pA1A&feature=related). What are your last wishes before you turn into a mushroom man ? ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/34 "2010-10-29T23:04:26Z")
I think you’re just not very good at hand washing, and didn’t notice until you were idle for a minute waiting in line. So, it was leftovers from breakfast. Mundane, indeed. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/35 "2010-10-30T00:02:10Z")
It’s lupus. StG ---
**Author:** ![AnnaKareninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@AnnaKareninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnnaKareninja)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/36 "2010-10-30T03:29:18Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > It’s lupus. > > StG No! The SECOND diagnosis is lupus. **Skald** is to be diagnosed with an allergy to light, which causes him to produce excessive mucous…THEN when this is wrong, it is lupus, and when it’s NOT lupus, you go to insult/consult your colleagues. THEN, when they are as dumbfounded as you are, you will, by the power of random association, reveal that it is cystic fibrosis, caused by a mutated virus that attacks the chloride channels in your fingers, coupled with a prion condition that turns your epidermal cells into epithelial secretory cells. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/37 "2010-10-30T05:18:15Z")
Speaking of spiders … were you recently bitten by one? Perhaps a radioactive one? Have you tried shooting the sticky goo from your hands? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/38 "2010-10-30T10:29:45Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Speaking of spiders … were you recently bitten by one? Perhaps a radioactive one? Have you tried shooting the sticky goo from your hands? You fool. The radioactive spider does not give you webbing–only the genetically modified ones that happen to be the exact shade of red and blue. If you get bit by the radioactive spider, you have to make the web youself. Yeah, that was supposed to be an impression of Skald. Sucks, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/39 "2010-10-30T11:33:48Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > It’s lupus. > > StG [House] It’s _ **never** _ Lupus. [/House] ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767/40 "2010-10-30T12:07:35Z")
It’s ebola. That sticky stuff is merely the first stages of total liquefaction. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whats-this-sticky-crap-on-my-right-hand-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/558767.md?page=3)